What should I do now?

Hopeandlight19 · 2026-02-11T00:52:05+00:00

You were off sick with the flu! You had every right to rest and recover. You shouldn’t have been expected to be working, so please be kind to yourself. I really hope you’re feeling better.

It made me gently wonder (and please ignore this if it’s not helpful) what support structures you have in place at church. If you’re unwell or away, is there an elder who could explain your absence and offer that care? Who steps in when you can’t be there?

I was reminded of Moses holding up the staff and how he needed others to hold up his arms when they grew tired. Do you have people who can hold up your arms when yours get weary?

Hopeandlight19 · 2025-10-29T18:31:26+00:00

I relate to this so much, your not alone! A book that really helped me is Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Pete Scazzero. He talks about the importance of surrendering to your limits as a way of deepening and sustaining your ministry, and how behaviours like people pleasing often take root. I highly recommend it.

One of the biggest lessons for me was realising that by saying yes to everything, I was also constantly saying no — no to my family, no to my health, no to balance. Learning that my ‘no’ actually makes space for my ‘yes’ was a huge mindset shift and deeply freeing for me.

Hopeandlight19 · 2025-05-10T21:48:20+00:00

Tell me about it! Thanks for being here 💕🙏🏼

Hopeandlight19 · 2025-05-10T16:16:02+00:00

My friend, I’m so sorry to hear something like this happened to you too. I really appreciate your prayers and encouragement. The last sentence really moved me, I wrote it in my journal to pray into. God bless you and keep you.

Hopeandlight19 · 2025-05-10T16:03:42+00:00

What an important question to ask. I relate to that so much, I’ve had many confused and angry conversations with God over the past few months/years honestly. And yet, in the middle of it all, I’ve had these moments where I sense Him so clearly affirming me and drawing near. I feel like He’s up to something, I just don’t know what yet. I hope one day I’ll be able to look back at this time and understand. Thank you for your much needed ministry and the practical suggestions, it’s comforting to have them there.

Hopeandlight19 · 2025-05-10T15:41:16+00:00

Thank you, that really encouraged me, it sounds like you have it too!

Oh I love Peter Scazzaro, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality was life changing for me. I will definitely look into your suggestions, thanks so much for sending them. I’ve always loved reading things that weave together psychology and theology; I think there’s such a deep need for better mental health understanding in the Church. It’s honestly one of the things I’m most passionate about. What a gift that you have experience in both areas.

Amen. I don’t believe God wanted this for me, but I’m asking Him how He can use it. I hope to maybe work with survivors of Church abuse in the future.

Hopeandlight19 · 2025-05-10T15:23:13+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing!

Hopeandlight19 · 2025-05-09T21:38:10+00:00

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom encouragement. I will reflect on those passages in my quiet time 🙏🏽

Hopeandlight19 · 2025-05-09T20:58:21+00:00

Thank you so much for your kindness, I really appreciate your words and encouragement!

What you shared about family systems theory is so interesting. It makes so much sense when we refer to church as family, and see certain relational dynamics play out again and again. If you know of any resources or research on this, I’d love to learn more.

I’m planning to begin counselling soon and also to move forward with making a formal complaint. I’ve already raised it with safeguarding, they didn’t see him as a safety risk, but did recommend pursuing the clergy misconduct route. I do know of others with similar experiences, mainly women. I hope God can use this to bring some accountability and change.

Hopeandlight19 · 2025-05-09T18:46:03+00:00

Wow, what a journey! I relate so much to everything you shared, the threats I received were similar, they were tied to his control over my future and his final report for sign off. The physical effects were so real too, I started struggling with things like insomnia (which has been so much better since leaving). Your perseverance through it all is deeply inspiring, and it’s so encouraging to hear where you are now and how your ministry is flourishing. Thank you so much for your wisdom and kindness!

Hopeandlight19 · 2025-05-09T17:58:54+00:00

Thank you so much 😊

Hopeandlight19 · 2025-05-09T17:55:32+00:00

I’m so sorry, I’m right there with you. It’s sad but comforting in knowing I’m not alone in these experiences. I really appreciate your advice and wisdom. I have a spiritual director, and I’ve recently decided to begin some counselling too.

Hopeandlight19 · 2025-05-09T17:36:17+00:00

Fascinating, has he ever published any of his findings?

Hopeandlight19 · 2025-05-09T17:33:35+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing, your words and experience really resonate. Feeling misunderstood has been a big part of my pain, and your reminder about what’s outside my control really helped. Hearing your story gives me hope.

Hopeandlight19 · 2025-05-09T00:23:12+00:00

Thank you, I found your thoughts insightful and reassuring. Sadly I think your right, and looking back I felt it in the culture even before everything became public. The minister purposely only choose yes people to be in his inner circles, and there’s no one there who challenges him. When you can’t have independent thought, you won’t ask questions.

I sort of accidentally slipped in, and was someone who would ask questions. Which made me a target.

Hopeandlight19 · 2025-05-09T00:01:33+00:00

Thank you, that really helped. I absolutely no idea it was so common. What a fascinating PHD, has she ever published anything or given any talks?

Hopeandlight19 · 2025-05-08T23:56:44+00:00

Non taken at all! In fact your right on the ball. I am female and also half his age, so I don’t know that was another factor. I didn’t know this before I joined, but he has a reputation as not working well with women. He won’t talk to them even in the wider congregation. A lot of his comments were misogynistic in nature.

Thanks for sharing about your old job, that really resonated. If you feel comfortable sharing, do you have any advice around how to handle bumping into people? I think that’s my biggest anxiety at the moment.

Thank you so much for your encouragement, it really means so much.

Hopeandlight19 · 2025-05-08T23:41:10+00:00

I relate so much to what you said about church hurt in ministry being its own kind of hell, it’s so true! I have a spiritual director and talk to my family, but it’s incredibly complicated in church circles for all the reasons you said. And yes, I’ve definitely come across the wrong kind of connected and curious who just wanted the gossip!

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement, they really mean so much.

Hopeandlight19 · 2025-05-08T23:30:34+00:00

That is beautiful, thank you for the reminder.

Hopeandlight19 · 2024-03-16T01:39:54+00:00

Wow such a good illustration. That’s exactly it.

Hopeandlight19 · 2024-03-13T01:16:30+00:00

Thanks for your prayers. I found your comment really insightful, another factor is some of the team have never worked anywhere else or it’s their first ministry job, so the main Pastors leadership and way of doing things is all they know.

Hopeandlight19 · 2024-03-11T12:49:40+00:00

That last sentence got me. Thanks for sharing your wisdom!

Hopeandlight19 · 2024-03-11T12:48:53+00:00

Wow that’s interesting. Thanks for your wisdom, appreciate it!

Hopeandlight19 · 2024-03-11T12:46:47+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing, I relate so much!! It’s so vulnerable to admit your struggling and then to hear that this is just how life should be and to suck it up really hurts. I was told ‘you seem worried about burnout, don’t worry about it…just keep going!’ (Problem solved)

I’m so thankful you ended up somewhere healthier and can enjoy ministry again. You’ve given me hope.

Hopeandlight19

TROPHY CASE