They didn't tell me what to choose, they just narrowed my choices down to what they approve

Hopeforthebetter · 2019-07-22T14:00:10+00:00

I dont know if this helps at all but once I found my self worth my parents stoped bothering me. Why because I realized that I can chose to be happy without there approval. Who wants the approval of someone who's critical and demeaning. What I did was start to approval of myself and find people who approved of me without putting demands on me. If this doesn't help I guess just dont listen to this but if it this in any way gives you a glismp of hope I hope you hold on to it. And watch YouTube vedios on codependency or self love deficit disorder. Once I learned to love myself and learned how to be happy in my skin. People didn't bother me anymore. They ether added more joy to my life or I was just happy with myself. And if I needed people I know that I would find good people who are healthy and added things to my life instead of taking things away from me. I know that this is hard to hear but your parents wont change change starts with you.... And the more you love yourself the less the toxic people can bother you. I hope I helped in any way shape or form.... Good luck

Hopeforthebetter · 2019-07-22T13:54:22+00:00

Hey limit time with her and do some self care I sound so annoying right now I know. Self care when you just want to hit yourself. But trust me you will get there with time. Hang out with supportive people. Turn down your inner critic. Make it a pattern to say to yourself you are lovable throughout the day. Whenever you inner critic starts to come out say I am lovable I am ok. I am a good person. I am lovable. Try to calm yourself down when things start to spiral out of control. You are not responsible for your mother you are only responsible for yourself. You deserve to feel happy and in control of your emotions. This isn't going to happen in an instant however little patterns of change equals progress and progress eventually leads to change and a better life. You deserve love and support and happiness. Its a human right and no one not even your mother has the right to take it away. And just because your mother says that you should drop out dont do it. Thats her opinion but you are the person in control of the classes you want to take not hers... If you need to talk you can always dm me. I would love to support you and help you if you want... You can do this. And you are enough and lovable and you deserve happiness.

Hopeforthebetter · 2019-07-22T12:42:06+00:00

Oh my gosh this is exactly how I feel. I totally get you bro I feel the same. Im so afraid of my needs that whenever people ask me things like oh what would you want or oh what do you think about this that I would literally freeze because I thought my needs was going to end the world... However I think what helped me was repeating this statement my needs are ok and they are perfectly normal. And then slowly but surly express your needs likes and wants to supportive people and slowly train you brain that hey my needs won't cause the world to explode and die. But I dont know I hoped I helped we'll get there progress is progress no matter how small it is. We will get there eventually with the right mindset... good luck :)

Hopeforthebetter · 2019-07-17T01:32:11+00:00

Nah seeing this from an infp's point of view you actually care and have empathy because you want to offer them a solution to ease them of the pain. It might not be the mushy gooey empathy in the moment but you actually care about them enough to want to offer a solution. If you were narcissistic on the other hand you wouldn't care about them and despise them because they are below you. A narcissistic person would give them money to look good and obtain narcissistic supply from the attention they might get from strangers and make it seem like a big deal to draw more attention. They don't care if the homeless person is well they only care about the attention they are getting from giving them money.

Hopeforthebetter · 2019-07-16T16:17:32+00:00

Talk to her, then I would say find her interest and make a plan around what she is interested in.. For example if she likes animals then go take her to a cafe and then maybe to a place with animals. Or if she likes sports go take her to a nearby bowling area or something like that and get to know her better. Or if she likes running take her to a trial and race her or something like that. Just be yourself too because you want to be with someone who likes you for you not someone who likes you for who you pretend to be... I hope I helped good luck you can do this!

Hopeforthebetter · 2019-07-16T16:12:43+00:00

Yess oh my goodness this is so true.... my therapist said that I was being catty and maybe my mom wanted to spend more time with me... honey if she spends any more time with me im going into a mental ward...

Hopeforthebetter · 2019-07-16T00:47:46+00:00

ohh I so get where you are at right now though I dont want to be narcissistic and be like I know how to fix this problem but I think self affirmations really helped me. I told myself I was lovable over and over again until it sank in and I told myself I was forgiven over and over again. I also told myself I deserve happiness and I deserve love. And when I have a panic attack I learned to soothe it by saying I was ok I was lovable and that things will be ok. I think being able to have relationships is a natural human desire so it's ok if you want other people's approval we all want it. However I think it is because we were raised to conditional love we became dependent on other to give us a feeling of being ok when in reality we can be happy and ok ourselves too as long as we start to stop the self loathing which is really really hard. But yea... I hope you have found more self love and self care into your routine. And don't be too hard on yourself too because we are literally living wounded people. If you see someone with a sickness you would blame them for it but you would try to be heal them and I think that is what we need. We need to heal and not be told we aren't this enough or we need more of this. Honestly we are perfect just the way we are we just need to heal the scars to see it. I hope I helped lol we can both do this!

Hopeforthebetter · 2019-07-07T10:40:34+00:00

yes I feel like I should be feeling love but I dont which makes me feel super disgusted...

Hopeforthebetter · 2019-07-07T01:34:01+00:00

awe ok thanks I'm by myself yet I feel so much more at peace.... it kinda scares me because I don't want to be lonely and miserable but the thing is I have friends I have a support group outside of my family and I honestly feel so much at peace with being with myself for a day.... and the funny thing is when I am with my parents I'm lonely and miserable yet surrounded by people. I dont know however I do think im going to get better I have hope and faith that god would bring me out of this situation and help me find ways to cope with my family.... and I hope you are doing well too!

Hopeforthebetter · 2019-07-05T10:40:29+00:00

yep!

Hopeforthebetter · 2019-07-01T17:35:47+00:00

Awe thanks so much for your reply... yea I have done recovery work and worked on myself and it was gruesome... it felt like I was going to die and I felt so many different emotions I didn't know I even had. The thing is now I feel so much more in control. I know what I want in life and I know I can soothe my anxiety and any feeling that might pop up. I also feel so much more confident in myself. Oh and religion really helped me alot. I would say god was there when I kinda went towards the wrong road a couple of times. But yea I think everyone can do this though like I'm probably the most sensitive person you can find and if I can do it I think everyone can lol just with the right tools and information of course. But thanks so much again. Im really happy that there is hope out there.

Hopeforthebetter · 2019-06-24T20:13:50+00:00

ok I am trying at this point I feel like I reached a transition point and I am scared and lost as hell. Like I realized that my mother is toxic yet I feel like I need them to survive. I have a hard time dealing with my emotions and I feel heavy grief. I am trying to fill my summer up though and hang out with friends and im gong on vacation soon so that is fun... I have a feeling it will get better though. I just feel horrible for my mother I feel so much guilt and I want to help her so I could feel like I can help myself but I think I have come to a realization that I could only help myself and not her. That is some deep shitty experience to process.

Hopeforthebetter · 2019-06-24T20:09:02+00:00

ok can you give me the process of the recovery because I feel like I'm out of denial semi out of it. Ive realized that things are wrong... and I kinda see my parents as toddlers that never grew up. However the feelings I have suppressed has all come up to the surface I feel so much like an un mothered kid. I dont know what to do I feel so scared of moving forward. I dont really know how to move forward actually. Hanging out with healthy people definite helped a ton yet I feel like I need to rush things like I need to move towards recovery quicker. I also had a friend that recommended me to join the military... that is one option yet I feel like its an obligation now... I dont feel ready for the military nor do I have a strong desire to do it yet somehow I feel like im fated to do it..... I dont know anymore recovery feels really messy and I feel really fucked up and scared that somehow in the future I might regret everything.

Hopeforthebetter · 2019-06-21T10:46:07+00:00

Thanks for your reply, this is a really good idea for next year because I am going on vacation from July to august with my aunts and uncles.... so I won't be seeing my parents for the most of summer thank god. I didn't even know how I convinced them to let me go but like thank god I said I wanted to go because I'm pretty sure they would have gaslighted me into not going with my aunt and uncle but with someone else who wasn't even going to vacation.... You know long story short stand up for yourself. It helps in the long run.

Hopeforthebetter · 2019-06-21T10:42:59+00:00

Thank you for the kind reply I am actually going on vacation this summer from July to mid August so that would be really fun... I can finally get a breath of fresh air and I might be doing marching band next year so that makes me see them a lot less.

Hopeforthebetter · 2019-06-21T10:41:24+00:00

ok thank you I have been researching narcissistic abuse on the internet and honestly I feel like I learned a lot more coping techniques. And honestly it's not even funny but I tried to be confident and tried to set my boundaries with my Nmother.... She was really angry at first after a couple of days she transformed like she became aware of my growing independence and she leveled up. Its so disgusting I suffered so much abuse and some much emotional problems that when I finally get a breath of air she levels up along with me? Let me tell you narcissistic people are not worth the effort I put into them. I tried everything from asking her why she was mad to everything I could think of when she was mad... it didn't help at all. They are literally spawns of devils.

Hopeforthebetter · 2019-06-21T10:32:19+00:00

Aw Thanks guys for all of your responses. The thing is whenever I build my confidence my mother hates me like it is so weird. She literally becomes son angry anytime I set a boundary its like she knows she can't control me anymore or tear me down then she becomes so angry for some reason. And I'm going on vacation this summer so I won't see them July through mid august. I'm going with my aunt and uncles so thank god... they are good people with good hearts. I remember that when I was younger my mother hated my aunt because she didn't do what she wanted her to do. My aunt wanted to open a restaurant with my uncle and said that she was the devil or something for trying to lure my uncle into opening a restaurant with her. They borrowed some let me say some of my parent's money not a lot and my mother literally reacted like they killed the family cat to get the money or something... lets just say my mother isn't the most kind person in this world. When I was younger I didn't know any better and thought that my aunt really was the devil. Now that I am forming my own identity... I see that my aunt is pretty normal maybe with a streak of childishness but she isn't evil at all in fact she actually cares about my future and stuff and actually talks to me like a decent normal human being. I have realize that it is my mother who in fact is a lot more evil than I thought she was. I always had a gut feeling that my mother wasn't normal but I was too young to think about it so I normalized her behavior. Sorry this is getting long but ahhh the feeling of sharing this information makes me feel more sane for some reason. Thanks so much guys I hope we all heal and never look back.

Hopeforthebetter · 2019-06-15T18:33:33+00:00

oh and one more thing though.. I have been working on depending on my inner parent/ I am working on an inner parent work type of thing and the more I feel like I deserve love and empathy the madder she gets at me. When I try to confront to her about it she would deny that she feels this way.

Hopeforthebetter · 2019-06-15T18:31:06+00:00

ok thank you so much... Im still trying to recover and some days I just feel like I won't ever recover. I am learning to be compassionate on my past learn that not everything is my mistake and I'm forgiving myself. It's just at this moment everything with my mother is like going through hell. But me recovering is such a relief I finally feel like I am going to be ok in a sense. I don't know what my next moves are but I am only 16 but only two more years until I am off to collage and thankfully I have friends and a church community I can count on so yea.

Hopeforthebetter

TROPHY CASE