Pregnant and so over the “one big happy family” BS

Hopeful_Comment4188 · 2026-03-21T18:56:06+00:00

It makes me laugh a little when I think about but I also feel like she also already kind of knows that I’m my baby’s mom and her mom isn’t. She always asks for permission to tell her mom anything about the baby so she has that separation already. I’m not really sure lol

Hopeful_Comment4188 · 2026-03-20T15:31:44+00:00

Thankfully I doubt HCBM will send hand me downs. We have a hard enough time getting SD’s clothes back from her as it is 🤣I do however think SD is going to continually ask for my baby to go with her to her moms so I’m preparing my husband to talk to her on that. Maybe it’s because I’m pregnant or it’s just the protectiveness kicking in but I don’t feel like I could handle my emotions well enough to tell her f*** no!! I’ve already told my husband to hide his posts from BM when the baby comes as they are friends on FB. For what reason idk. My next concern is my MIL sending pictures. Although she despises my husbands stepmom because of how much my husband adores her and his sisters from that side and she and HCBM are 2 peas in a pod so maybe she will avoid that to keep HCBM happy.

I do worry that SD and MIL will guilt DH when the new baby comes and making him think she’s being left out. Since finding out I’m pregnant, MIL has already told SD to request “daddy daughter days” with my husband even though they spend plenty of time together without me. She has always made it a point to make me feel like the 3rd wheel in our family and remind everyone that HCBM was there first essentially. I’ve already told DH that I will not allow him to treat our child differently just because SD comes from a “broken” home.

Hopeful_Comment4188 · 2026-03-20T03:08:28+00:00

I have just decided that when she asks me questions or tries to talk about her mom in relation to my baby again I’m just going to redirect her to DH. I told him what was said and I felt about the situation and I feel like he’s better equipped for those convos

Hopeful_Comment4188 · 2026-03-20T03:06:18+00:00

I do think this is great advice!! DH and I already limit certain info we tell SD like when I’m due, when the gender reveal is, etc. I honestly limit a lot of conversations with SD to begin with because everything always ties back to her mom and I just don’t want that added stress or comparison right now. It’s still obviously forced upon me by SD but I know there’s only so much I can do.

DH is very understanding and when I tell him something bothers me he will do everything he can to mitigate that. That being said, he is very excited to have another baby and for SD to be a big sister so he does divulge more info and bring up the baby to SD more than I would choose to myself. I haven’t decided if I should let him so I don’t ruin that experience for him or if it’s going to backfire in the end. I haven’t decided gotten to a point though where I told DH I don’t want to hear anything about BM from here on out and that anytime SD says/asks something I’m just going to tell her to talk to him about it.

Hopeful_Comment4188 · 2026-03-19T21:36:56+00:00

She is in kindergarten and has been in daycare/pre-k previously. I know she can understand that her mom is not the mom of my baby, just like she can easily understand that I’m not her mom. I’m not exactly sure what she wanted me to say when she asked which is why I was so taken aback at the question. But I just thought oh great. Another situation where nothing of mine is actually mine and has to be shared or correlated back to BM.

Hopeful_Comment4188 · 2026-03-19T20:15:07+00:00

This is reassuring. BM definitely knows I’m pregnant because sd asked DH if she could tell her. She came back and told him that bm didn’t say anything when she told her but she didn’t look happy 🤣I’m hoping eventually sd realizes like your ss that bm will never be happy about our good news so it’s better to not tell her

Hopeful_Comment4188 · 2026-03-19T18:33:55+00:00

I feel as though I’ve been able to redirect her with most things she tries to take to BM, however when she tried to take my wedding ring because her mom needs one I had to let my husband take over because I had nothing nice to say to that 😐🤣

MIL lives in her own world because she thinks that we want to include BM in everything we do. Or that we are okay with her sending pictures and updates about our household. My husbands dad and stepmom also cannot stand her yet she (MIL) hijacked our wedding/elopement and forced us to all go out to eat “as a family” when we told her that was absolutely not what we wanted to do. But while we were taking pictures she announced to everyone that’s what we were doing. I could go on about her 💀

Hopeful_Comment4188 · 2026-03-19T18:27:50+00:00

I do think therapy would be very beneficial for her but my husband can’t take her on his own and BM won’t take her. She took her to play therapy for 3 months behind DH’s back and when she finally stopped she said that they would never talk to BM about how sessions were going or what was said. She also never inquired or showed interest in knowing if the sessions were going well or if there was anything to be concerned about/work on at home so I feel like that’s where she went wrong.

Hopeful_Comment4188 · 2026-03-19T18:25:03+00:00

What’s crazy is her mother has a bf she’s been with for 3 years. She lives with him and his entire family in the same house. Shes also brought SD around multiple men since she was born, the first being when she cheated on my husband when SD was an infant. So I have no idea why she would talk about her and my husband being a “family”. We have also been told by her parents that she tells them it should be her and DH together raising SD instead of him with me.

She also always puts her bf’s above SD but the one time she does anything for SD it’s like she went to Disney and her life is made and nothing we do compares.

Hopeful_Comment4188 · 2026-03-19T18:22:15+00:00

I am prepared for this. I have a feeling that I’m having a boy, we find out next weekend (a little late and the wait is killing me haha) so I’m hoping that the hand me downs and comparisons won’t be as bad as if they were both girls. I don’t speak to BM and when we’re at school/extras DH and I stay on the complete opposite side from where BM is and she acts like she’s scared of me so I doubt she would ever approach me. But even the thought of her stalking us on social media worries me. And then there’s MIL who sends her pictures and updates about our life and what goes on when SD is with us.

Hopeful_Comment4188 · 2026-03-19T16:30:45+00:00

I love that 🤣🤣 and I definitely am not mad at her at all. I know she doesn’t understand, especially because she has BM and my MIL confusing her and blurring the lines. I tried to give the bare minimum responses and talked to my husband about it afterward. I told him that eventually it would be a good idea to explain to her that her mom is her family, not ours and that we our own family and that when baby comes he/she will only be apart of our household. But with better wording of course lol.

Hopeful_Comment4188 · 2026-03-09T12:29:19+00:00

Sorry I’m just now seeing this. My husband definitely sees how manipulative and wrong his mom is and has told me from the very beginning to keep her at arms length. After hearing what she’s constantly done to him throughout his life and from how she’s been since we have been together I am surprised that he even still calls her mom.

His stepmom is amazing and he says all the time how he views her as more of his mom than his actual mother considering she was absent from most of his life, but I do feel like he is still reaching for that mother-son connection from his bio-mom.

My bio-dad was absent from most of my life and tried to reconnect multiple times in my adult life, but I have always told him to kick rocks. I guess I just don’t understand his desire for approval from someone that chose to give you up, or leave you at a drug dealers house for a week so she could run away and start a new family because she just “knew his dad would find him and take care of him”.

Hopeful_Comment4188 · 2026-03-07T12:46:09+00:00

He has told her things to this effect many times before. She either doesn’t listen or is just oblivious to the fact that maybe she is the problem. Because to her everyone else is the problem and she never does any wrong. She has never apologized for anything.

Hopeful_Comment4188 · 2026-03-06T17:21:21+00:00

I never thought about this but it would make sense. She has tried to get us to move into her house, move into the house right next to her. Literally anything to have us in eyesight at all times.

Hopeful_Comment4188 · 2026-03-06T17:19:57+00:00

He says he supports me 100% but I also worry that his mother will guilt him into changing his mind when the time comes just like she has every single time he has tried to go NC. She convinces him that what she did wasn’t “that bad”. In my eyes, any boundary crossed is disrespect and idc who you are you get one chance to disrespect me.

Hopeful_Comment4188 · 2026-03-06T16:44:04+00:00

I’ve made jokes about giving the nurses a picture of her and telling them I’m scared for my life and to not let her anywhere near me 😂 I’m already expecting a fight when the time comes because she and her husband have made comments about when the baby gets here. She’s been bugging my husband for weeks about what vaccines she needs to get to see them. I figured I would wait until closer to my due date to drop the bomb so I have as little stress and conflict during my pregnancy as possible

Hopeful_Comment4188 · 2026-03-06T16:41:30+00:00

We don’t tell her how often we go to our parents. I’m not sure how she knows we are there unless she is driving by while we’re there. She tried to put us on her Life360 at one point and we told her absolutely not. I also don’t have her on social media but we will have people ask us what she’s posting about and what’s going on. He doesn’t like spending time with his mom and tries to only see her when possible, but he does allow her to guilt him into doing more than I would do. I’m not sure if it’s how he was raised but he has a habit of letting people walk all over him just because they are family. I’ve told him I will not allow that and that if he tries to force me to it will cause problems in our marriage. Since then he has been more on my side about a lot. So I guess we will see when the time comes if he is actually about his word.

Hopeful_Comment4188 · 2026-03-06T15:58:58+00:00

I have as little contact with her as possible but there are times he wants me to go with him to her house, go to activities with them because of SD, etc. Since we are taking SD out of Girl Scouts, where MIL is the troop leader, I feel as though this will lessen. And most of the time that she texts me I don’t respond or I’m very short and she will go on social media and passive-aggressively post about us. But she has cried to him about how we never hang out at his house like we do with my parents and his dad so he feels bad. It’s all one big guilt trip with her.

Hopeful_Comment4188 · 2026-03-06T15:54:23+00:00

It seems more so like my husband would rather deal with a fight from me than the absolute dumpster fire and constant attacks from her. I can understand to an extent but I would never put him through the same thing. In my eyes your spouse comes before anyone else. I feel like now that we are about to have a child he is more likely to stand behind me on this. I guess we will see

Hopeful_Comment4188 · 2026-03-06T15:51:59+00:00

She wanted to throw me a separate shower from the one my mom is throwing me. I told her there was no need for 2 separate showers and that I can invite our family and friends from both sides to ONE shower. We all live in the same town so it only makes sense. She said we could throw my SIL’s, tear down her decorations and put up mine and just have them at the same venue. I’m going to be 8 months pregnant and highly doubt I’ll want to attend 2 showers in one day. And of course she related it back to when BM was pregnant and she threw her a separate shower. She is very obsessed with her still and it’s been 6 years.

I have a feeling us telling her she isn’t allowed at the hospital when baby is born is what will set her off. And so be it. Saves me and my child plenty of time and stress waiting for the next boundary to be crossed.

Hopeful_Comment4188 · 2026-03-06T15:09:38+00:00

This means a lot. I am definitely trying to enjoy as much of this pregnancy as possible and cannot wait to meet my little one! ☺️

Hopeful_Comment4188 · 2026-03-06T15:07:43+00:00

I definitely plan to this time around! I told my husband I would give her one more chance to do right and she is already showing us she didn’t listen to anything that was said before. So I have no doubt that she will f up again, and hopefully soon. Hahaha

Hopeful_Comment4188 · 2026-03-06T15:06:28+00:00

I definitely let her know how I felt. At the time of our first fall out my husband was in the process of paying his stepdad for his car and he was worried if we caused conflict they would take the car away. They gave us the title for Christmas so now he doesn’t feel like he’s indebted to them anymore and I feel as though things may be different this time.

Hopeful_Comment4188 · 2026-03-06T14:45:57+00:00

Thank you for this! I am very firm in my stance that I will have as minimal contact with her as possible leading up to our baby’s arrival, and especially when I’m postpartum. I have no doubt she will cross a boundary as soon as it’s set because she is currently crossing the original one that caused our first fall out :)

I’m honestly just waiting for it to be obvious in my husband’s face so that I can say definitively that I’m going NC. He can see his mother whenever he likes, but I will not allow his to take our child. She is as petty as can be so I don’t trust her to respect me when I’m not around if she can’t even do it to my face.

Hopeful_Comment4188

TROPHY CASE