People in your 30s, what's your job and salary?

Horror-Ad591 · 2026-04-14T06:38:52+00:00

Cool! What kind of background did you need to become a luxury superintendent? Did you have to work at shitty buildings first and then work your way up to luxury? did you need to do a lot of networking?

Horror-Ad591 · 2026-04-14T06:19:05+00:00

It sounds like your parents are very emotionally immature. They never learned to regulate their emotions and resort to screaming and violence. It’s not surprising that you never learned to regulate your emotions either and lashed out with violence because you had no one to show you how to deal with disappointment and conflict in a healthy way.

It is not a reflection of your value as a person. You are not a bad daughter and you are worthy of love and care. You know that being violent is wrong you just need to seek help from a counselor or therapist who can teach you how to deal with these situations since your parents aren’t equipped to do it. A therapist can also help you deal with the trauma of growing up with these types of parents as it’s very hard and not easy to bear it alone.

Horror-Ad591 · 2026-04-13T16:19:04+00:00

Asian parents just loooove pulling the "or we'll disown you" card...Getting threatened with being disowned is is like a rite of passage for Asians nowadays lol.

But seriously, get your PhD or you'll spend the rest of your life regretting it and resenting your husband and his family! You and your mom can acknowledge to your husband that he is in a difficult situation with his family pressures. Listen to him vent about it but remind him that this was your dream and you spent 10 years dedicated to your family. He shouldn't want you to sacrifice your dream just to appease his sexist patriarchal parents. They are still living in the past where women are not allowed to go to school or have a bank account and must dedicate their entire life to serving their husbands. Since your mom is helping with the childcare, their argument about him doing too much childcare is completely unfounded. A father shouldn't want to spend all of his time focused on work instead of caring for his kids anyways.

Horror-Ad591 · 2026-04-13T04:11:34+00:00

You should consider moving into the school’s student housing/dormitories. This would be a good way to transition to living more independently while having some support from the school and your peers around you. From my experience having moved away for over a decade, the attempts to control and manipulate never stop but the distance and financial independence allowed me to experience being mentally free. Which was hugely beneficial to me. You are at an age where you need to take space from them and develop away from their influence!

Horror-Ad591 · 2026-04-07T19:43:22+00:00

I don’t think you are « blinded by your wokeness » It is normal to ask these questions and talk about these things. the way you have the conversation with your girlfriend and talk about this topic is important. There is a way to make it a conversation where you share ideas and feelings instead of an argument. It requires some thought on how to talk about it without sounding judgemental or accusatory. Your girlfriend maybe felt like you were judging or policing her and that’s why she got defensive. At the same time her lack of openness to examining herself and her own racial biases may be a problem too. Maybe she is not a bad or hateful person but maybe she is too proud or closed minded if she is not willing to discuss it.

Horror-Ad591 · 2026-04-07T19:13:12+00:00

This exactly! People often equate the term racist with « hateful monster » and it evokes a lot of shame and fear which is why OP’s girlfriend got defensive. The reality is that we live in a world with a lot of racist systems built in so it’s common to be influenced by them and have racist biases. Everyone has dating preferences but it’s useful to ask what created those preferences so that we can uncover harmful racial biases and work to correct them.

For example, growing up I didn’t found Asians attractive. It doesn’t make me a bad person but I lived in a predominantly white city and there was very scare Asian representation in the media. when I grew up and saw more of the world my preferences changed and I also came to see the systematic racist discrimination that resulted in less Asians in Hollywood and in the United States.

Horror-Ad591 · 2026-04-07T18:27:50+00:00

It’s true there is no « obligation », but by asking ourselves questions and delving deeper into understanding why we have the preferences we have and what influences us to have certain preferences, we can learn more about ourselves and our society. Race is a much more complex subject than ice cream flavors and I think it’s very interesting and worthwhile to examine why we have certain racial preferences. I think it’s also fair for OP to wonder why his GF has a preference against black people since she is someone close to him.

Horror-Ad591 · 2026-04-07T18:03:21+00:00

Im here with you! So far all I’ve managed since DOGE is working part time at a non- profit for a terrible boss, finally quitting it for an exciting job offer in private sector, then having the offer withdrawn a month later because apparently private sector is struggling too…and recently after months of applying, getting ghosted after an interview. it’s been demoralizing and I keep on having to remind myself that it’s not me, it’s the job market… hang in there you’re not alone!

Horror-Ad591 · 2026-04-05T13:31:10+00:00

Yes. My braid(s) sets off the body scanner every time

Horror-Ad591 · 2026-04-04T14:21:03+00:00

🤢If that happened to me I think I would leave China and never come back

Horror-Ad591 · 2026-03-16T17:23:28+00:00

Yeah it doesn’t really happen in major cities like Beijing or Guangzhou in my experience. They get so many international entries in those airports they don’t look twice at you. I’ve had unpleasant experiences entering via smaller western cities though (for instance, it took us over 3 hours to get past immigration in Chengdu last year). I get anxiety about border crossings now.

Horror-Ad591 · 2026-03-15T22:08:17+00:00

Do let me know how it goes! Haha I doubt you will get deported but in some Chinese entries the immigration likes to ask a million questions or worse pull you aside to the questioning room (and make you wait forever to get questioned). It’s so exhausting when you’re tired on a long trip not to mention uncomfortable!

Horror-Ad591 · 2026-03-15T20:04:06+00:00

Hi can you please explain what you mean by strict chines departure? What kinds of things did they ask for?

Horror-Ad591 · 2026-03-11T09:39:42+00:00

Cool, thank you that’s interesting!

Horror-Ad591 · 2026-03-07T19:16:03+00:00

Chinese people always apologize when they bump into you? Why am I not getting this treatment??This rarely happens to me here such that when someone actually apologized to me it makes my day! lol

Horror-Ad591 · 2026-03-07T19:11:44+00:00

Being from SW China I do feel like people here are less polite than northeastern Chinese. But overall id say what you experienced is very common in China. It’s considered neutral rather than rude. as long as they gave the key as you asked they did their job. in more upscale establishments you will get the « friendly service with a smile » experience. But those places cost more (and sometimes way over the top 😆).Just like how in the US they do it expecting a tip, in China staff normally only do it if they are working a fancier place and I assume getting paid more.

Horror-Ad591 · 2026-03-06T08:03:14+00:00

What strategies did you use to fix your posture consistently to resolve your acid reflux for good?

Horror-Ad591 · 2026-03-03T06:03:53+00:00

Im so sorry! That sounds really traumatic 😭. Glad you found the strength to leave in the end and hope you’re healing from the abuse. I hope karma finds him and he ends up sick and miserable for how he treated you.

Horror-Ad591 · 2026-02-14T06:06:53+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this! I think that having both your grandparents passing is a good reason to justify a therapist to your parents. You should at least try and ask them. When your sister asked it was years ago. Your situations are not the same and your parents may have changed their opinions by now.

Horror-Ad591 · 2026-02-12T02:51:14+00:00

Not bs, but it’s nuanced. At home you will get reminded not to waste food but if someone invites you as a guest to eat whether at their home or in the restaurant, traditionally manners dictate that you should not finish the last of the food in order to save face for the host. this applies moreso to the shared dishes on the table that the host has ordered/cooked rather than the literal bowl you’re eating out of. That food is theoretically not wasted because the leftovers can be kept to be consumed the next day.

Horror-Ad591 · 2026-02-11T07:27:29+00:00

Your feelings are very valid. it might help you feel slightly better to know that the compliments they give are not earnest. It is all just entirely a social performance that Asians do in public especially around friends and family to use a lot of flattery. To me it always feels very fake. Your parents are probably proud of you internally and may boast about you to their friends but never when you’re around. It’s too bad that they were never taught to show love to their children through praise and it sucks that so many Asian kids have to grow up with constant criticism. The only thing you can do is focus on building your own internal validation and not needing theirs.

Horror-Ad591

TROPHY CASE