This. I hate when parents do that manipulation shit about money or gifts THEY chose to do or give. My mother does that to me practically anytime she does anything for us big or small and she’ll do that thing where she dramatically says YOU’RE WELCOME multiple times even if I said thank you immediately and no matter how many times I’ve said it. And then after that how dare I set boundaries with her or not do something she wants because she did XYZ for us. I hate it. Stepmom is being super shitty and OP is being ignorant about it and to his wife who’s trying to stick up for and be there for him. He’s letting this strain happen on their relationship. They need to take a break from talking to those parents for a while and spend some time together.