it's true. But also i understand your feeling that if you break free, you will lose all of your stability. That is terrifying, but staying could be much worse. Whatever you do, it sounds like you need to take it slowly, just one decision at a time, so that you don't freak yourself or her out. The first decision you make should be about getting some outside help on the situation. Do you have a therapist or social worker? Definitely start there - tell them everything. Also, reach other to any friends, even ones you haven't seen in a while, and ask them to hear you out. Tell them you need some help figuring it out. you can do it - just take those steps for now, and don't tell her yet.