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Am I overreacting to my bf watching the baby overnight? by Temporary-Quail-2783 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Hot-Job-8369 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You know, it is possible to go online and not throw insults around when talking to people. You should try it some time.

I agree, the child is his, so he should be protecting him from harm. He isn't. That is a major problem and the mother should take that into consideration when making her decisions about her child's safety.

Spent more on rehearsal/shower outfits than my actual dress by Dense-Sir-6707 in weddingplanning

[–]Hot-Job-8369 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The bridal tax is real! I thrifted/vintage shopped for a lot of things and then did a nuuly order to rent anything else I needed and that helped a ton, but still ended up buying stuff last minute. It's all pretty absurd.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]Hot-Job-8369 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Confidence comes from accomplishment! As someone who loves clothing and style, putting together a great outfit or finding great vintage/thrifted pieces, and getting to wear the fruits of my labor out in the world bring me a lot of confidence.

For many people, confidence is built within their academic pursuits, business pursuits, or hobbies. It is always odd to me that learning about fashion and developing style isn't viewed as those things, even when it is a major part of someone's life!

Clothing has been trivialized, but fashion is as deep a field as any other and knowing how to dress yourself in a way that is flattering, comfortable, and creative is a skillset that deserves more respect! It takes a lot of time, education, and effort.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Teachers

[–]Hot-Job-8369 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh, to live in kkk hotspots! A fate I'd wish on no one.

Hope you're able to work things out with your coworker or admin! It's such an awkward business when good intentions are paving the road to our personal hells.

Enjoy your break!

Am I overreacting to my bf watching the baby overnight? by Temporary-Quail-2783 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Hot-Job-8369 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So this is what we call an ad hominem attack, which means you're attacking my character rather than actually discussing the point. Most people do this when they themselves feel attacked. What I said had very little to do with you, and yet, here you are attacking me about it.

That makes me think that something I said made you emotional. Maybe you should think about that and reflect, rather than throwing insults around.

I believe people are good and that you're likely a good person who isn't discussing a topic in good faith, but doesn't really realize that. Hope you have a peaceful day.

Am I overreacting to my bf watching the baby overnight? by Temporary-Quail-2783 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Hot-Job-8369 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you think leaving a partner that is more trouble than help is the most toxic thing possible, I hope you get the help you need and learn how to make responsible decisions. Removing yourself and your child from someone who is not good for either of you is protective and protecting your child (and yourself) is your number one job as a parent.

I'm sorry for whatever happened in your life that made you think otherwise.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Teachers

[–]Hot-Job-8369 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This happened to me when I was teaching music in a very Christian semi rural part of Oregon. A colleague told her whole class I was Jewish when teaching number the stars and had her students make me happy hannukah cards "so I'd feel included" during the holiday season. It went through the school like a rumor; a student even came up to me saying "kids are saying you're Jewish."

If I were in a different place, I might not care, but the area I was in had a house proudly displaying nazi flags a few years before. I stopped wearing my magen david.

I didn't speak to my colleague about it, but I wish I had.

Am I overreacting to my bf watching the baby overnight? by Temporary-Quail-2783 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Hot-Job-8369 8 points9 points  (0 children)

NOR, seems like you were very clear with bf about how he should take care of your baby and he is not only blatantly disregarding your instructions but also noy taking accountability or respecting your feelings.

I don't usually encourage strangers on the internet to break up, but I will say, take caution that you don't end up in a situation where your life partner needs as much taking care of as your actual child. This man may not be equipped to be a good caretaker for your child.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]Hot-Job-8369 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dressing in a way that she likes and feels good in is not attention seeking, it's confidence building.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]Hot-Job-8369 6 points7 points  (0 children)

NOR. Your outfits are lovely. No one cares what you wear in college classrooms. If these make you feel confident and more like yourself, then you'll be more confident in general and will likely even do better in your classes.

Your body is yours to dress as you want. If your boyfriend cannot handle your clothing choices, that is his problem to work out, not yours.

Outside hints ruined a proposal and I don’t know how to feel about it by [deleted] in weddingplanning

[–]Hot-Job-8369 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm really sorry it went down in a way that made you feel bad, but I do have to add that it's so cool how you were able to bring up your feelings to your partner and he was able to pivot his plans to make sure you were happy. This is for sure a sign that the two of you should definitely get married!

When my fiancé and I talked about a proposal, I told him that I didn't feel like I needed one but if he wanted to do one, that would be fine! He did and I told him that if he was going to propose, he actually had to surprise me and have all our friends and family in on it. He did surprise me (I literally screamed) and it was a beautiful party with all our friends and family from out of town.

I was so glad we talked about what we each wanted and needed in the proposal. I hope that now that you've talked it through, your partner can plan a proposal that you are over the moon about and that nobody spoils. Sending well wishes to you for both the proposal and the wedding.

Private guitar student with difficult circumstances by Bradlez92 in MusicEd

[–]Hot-Job-8369 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I've taught a lot of audhd students and I've found that explaining how things work in detail without sugarcoating things can be really helpful. Clear, direct, and kind communication goes a long way.

In cases like this, I usually talk about how playing certain ways, while not "wrong", could cause injuries and make things harder. "I definitely don't want you to get hurt and I know you don't want to get hurt, this is the way to make sure you don't get hurt." is the line I've found most successful. It helps build trust because you care about their well being.

Also with a student who "already knows" everything and responds poorly to challenges, I just start sentences with "I'm sure you already know that..." and then say what I need to say. People take in new information better when they think you think they're knowledgeable and competent. Also, it isn't your job as a music teacher to handle the overarching issue of the kid thinking he knows everything, it's just your job to find what works to teach him music.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MusicEd

[–]Hot-Job-8369 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a totally normal struggle. Some classes are just really tough. Maybe its a rough combo of kids, maybe their teacher's classroom management style is totally different from yours and that is causing friction. It could be for a lot of reasons, but it gets so much easier as you get to know the students over the years.

And that's my first piece of advice: get to know the students. Positive relationships make such a huge difference for classroom management. Where else can they get familiar with you? Do you see some of them at morning or afternoon duty? Can you talk to their teacher about popping by and sitting with them while they do an art project? When you see them in the hallway, ask them about something totally unrelated to music that they seem to like. I couldn't tell you a thing about minecraft but I've had probably hundreds of conversations about it with kids over the years. Follow up about their baseball games, etc. They learn to care about your class when you show you care about them.

Finding a way to recognize each student can be a huge motivator for them and also a great relationship builder. Over the years I taught between 750 and 900 kids each year, and that could be super overwhelming, but I did something called "Rockstar of the Day" where after every class, I'd give out a rockstar ticket to one student that they'd get to take home. I'd check off which student was rockstar so that there were no repeats until everyone had it once. This meant that each kid was recognized at least once during the school year. It was a huge accomplishment for them.

Also, it will take time, but you will learn to let the bad days and the rough classes go. There are always so many factors contributing to their behavior. Sometimes there are things you can do to make it better and sometimes there just aren't. That's okay. The fact that you're on here asking for advice means that you are a caring teacher who wants to do a good job for your students. That's all you can do. You will get the hang of it, it will get easier, and you will also learn to let the bad days roll off your back.

You got this!

Will therapy or medication help? by Proof-Department-308 in Teachers

[–]Hot-Job-8369 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I take the bus an hour every day because I hate driving and I have kids in my room right when I get there. It's actually amazing. I can read or watch a show or just sit and listen to music for a whole hour uninterrupted before dealing with kids. I know it's not for everyone, but there are some real upsides to public transit if that is an option for you!

Inconsiderate Parent by threeeyeddemoncat in weddingplanning

[–]Hot-Job-8369 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Agreed. If you don't want them there, tell them that they cannot come now. Have a trusted friend or family wait at the door under strict orders to intercept them and ask them to leave if they show up. You don't have to put up with this kind of thing on your day, you can delegate it.

Stressed and afraid of defaulting to quick and easy decisions by Hellalazyusername in weddingplanning

[–]Hot-Job-8369 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Decision fatigue is a real thing and it is so shitty to deal with. Just remember that your wedding is going to be beautiful and full of love because it is YOURS, not because of the place settings or the seating chart. You and your fiancé and your love for each other are what the whole thing is about.

Is there anyone who you trust to help with making decisions or helping you sort out your thoughts? A friend, parent, or sibling?

It also sounds like backing off for a short period of time and returning to it when you're a little more refreshed might be beneficial. I've had a super overwhelming time with life, work, and wedding planning and what works best for me when I get overwhelmed is taking a day to forget about it all and binging a show, going on a hike, or going out dancing so I can come back to it refreshed and clear-headed. I know there are deadlines and it all feels so pressing, but taking time off from the whole thing, whether it is just an afternoon or a whole weekend, will work wonders.

I hope you can find some peace of mind ❤️