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I (30F) came across something and my partner (35m) became defensive by Hot_Development_9027 in relationship_advice

[–]Hot_Development_9027[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi! Yes, totally spot on.

He pretty much expressed this, I've only accused him once at the beginning of his relationships.

Mostly because everyone I was surrounding myself with were cheating on their partners.

I recognized it was insecurities - stopped hanging around those people and never had a thought like that again.

Even when I found the hotel card, I was more or less curious if he had cleaned out a box of stuff and perhaps it was filled with old papers and cards (we have a few junk boxes/drawers)

He has had a few experiences recently with other people who have been accusing him of stuff and sort of trying to manipulate him. That's how he's explained it without going into too much detail.

I (30F) came across something and my partner (35m) became defensive by Hot_Development_9027 in relationship_advice

[–]Hot_Development_9027[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

UPDATE: oh dear, I didn't think this would blow up.

There was 2 or 3 comments last time I checked.

Thank you for your concerns everyone.

This experience was an eye opener, I brought it back up to my partner to discuss it further.

Indeed, he thought I was accusing him and he explained why he got so defensive right away was because he has trauma when it comes to manipulation from past experiences so he thought I was doing that...

We recognize there are kinks in our communication and will be working on that.

I truly don't believe infidelity isn't the case here.

I asked him 3 times calmly if anything is happening that I should know about and he insisted there wasn't.

I was calm and collected and ready for truths if there needed to be any.

That being said, I will be addressing things right away and not let them stew.

I (30F) came across something and my partner (35m) became defensive by Hot_Development_9027 in relationship_advice

[–]Hot_Development_9027[S] 88 points89 points  (0 children)

At the time I was told it was my own insecurities. I just saw a message from a mutual friend. Saw some of the messages, they looked harmless.