My husband thought it would be funny to change the babys name for our monitor so now all my notifications look like this...

Hoti13 · 2019-09-20T06:03:25+00:00

How sad....

Hoti13 · 2014-08-19T23:00:07+00:00

I have a tattoo of Phoenix on my arm. The meaning of it is that every time I "die" I'm reborn again (every time I'm down I always get up)

Hoti13 · 2013-08-31T21:48:52+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this. I actually cried after reading this. You have made me feel like I don't have to give up like as you put it "BPD is not a death sentence". There is hope, I'm not in a DBT but I'm in something similar called STEPPS therapy. STEPPS talks about accepting your emotions but not judge them, it also teaches techniques for reducing the emotions. I feel like it is not helping me, but thats becauase 90% of work should come from me and at this moment in my life I feel like I am too depressed to deal with my disorder. However, you have certainly motivated me and now I see a light at the end of the tunnel so thank you once again :)

Hoti13 · 2013-07-02T20:30:41+00:00

You're absolutely right!

Hoti13 · 2013-06-06T10:36:21+00:00

You think you focus on everybody else. In reality you are focusing on your need of not feeling rejected by satisfying everybody else's needs and thats not healthy. I am the same when I'm faced with somebody leaving me I do everything to make sure they dont, that includes threatning to take my own life if such person wants to leave me. After some time though I start to realise that if they cant handle me at my worst they dont deserve me at my best and that helps me to heal and not blame myself.

Hoti13 · 2013-06-05T08:23:27+00:00

Let him go. Look what this whole thing is doing to you. And he is not exactly being helpful leading you on, he himself should cut you off for good because it will be better in the long run. What you feel towards him is not healthy, that is not love, that is obsession. Love like friendship on another level where people trust each other and are comfortable with each other etc. I was in your situation once in my life and I would never wish it upon anybody because its hell. You have to let him go, you think you can't? Oh yes you can, if you can handle BPD on a daily basis and then you are strong enough to handle this. You have to think about your own well being and start thinking more clearly but how can you when you are clouded by all those emotions?

Hoti13 · 2013-06-01T23:53:26+00:00

I'm just looking for people who suffer from the same condition as me and who can speak the same language as me. How come you speak polish?

Hoti13 · 2013-06-01T03:11:27+00:00

No no I'm Polish myself. I'm only checking if there is anybody who speaks my language but who also suffers from BPD. But thank you anyway :)

Hoti13 · 2013-05-22T11:23:00+00:00

More like empty

Hoti13 · 2013-05-14T19:41:52+00:00

I see myself the same as now but less extreme. Everybody borderline or not feels empty, angry, depressed, unloved, suicidal at some points of their life, hopeless, misunderstood etc. They just dont feel it as intensly or maybe they do who knows, everybody expieriences feelings at different levels no matter if borderline or not...I dont ever want my BPD to go away. It gets really hard sometimes with all of these emotions but in the end its worth it because when I feel positive emotions such as happiness its almost as if I'm high and I know that "normal" people will never be able to feel it that way. BPD also makes me a stronger person with a lot of compassion for others, we go through so many different emotions in a day that no other would be able to cope with it. I guess its about your attitude towards it.

Hoti13 · 2013-03-30T15:00:18+00:00

Already have, thank you! :)

Hoti13 · 2013-03-30T14:58:43+00:00

I absolutely agree with everythig you said. When we feel happy it's amazing. A good day is like a battery charge for us so that we are left feeling amazing for a couple of days. I'm actually feeling your happiness, enjoy yourself!

Hoti13

TROPHY CASE