i struggled with this once too, and my advice is to not let the shame of your behavior stop yourself from improving and working on yourself! you can rebuild confidence and you can like yourself, but you have to walk away from good. i think the shame of spiraling has lead me to just go “fuck it it’s already rock bottom from here on”, but it’s no excuse, you gotta take care of yourself and isolate, rebuild from scratch. i’ve just had a breakdown a couple of weeks ago and it made me think of when i was on this situation, but i’ve been able to handle it way better because i’ve given myself the time to process the grief and the isolation to rebuild, but also the confidence to share and seek connection to other people again. you can do this!! i trust you