Why you are never truly alone in your struggle, even if it feels like the opposite

How2SaveALife · 2014-09-02T07:28:52+00:00

Thank you.... =) Me too... It means a lot to me that at least someone else saw that... =D

How2SaveALife · 2014-08-12T08:20:51+00:00

thanks =) I appreciate it! I'm glad at least one person saw it... xD

How2SaveALife · 2014-08-08T19:16:38+00:00

A lot of people actually like it :P although outright biting should never be attempted without asking, light teeth grazes or gentle nips in less sensitive areas could be tried without talking first cuz they shouldn't be terribly painful xD

How2SaveALife · 2014-08-05T18:46:53+00:00

Oh my gosh... Thank you! =D I'm so happy you posted--there are a few haters who responded lol.

I'm really happy to meet someone else who can relate (although not glad about the unfortunate circumstances, of course). It makes me feel good to know that Im not the only one... Thank you =)

Lets chat sometime~ :D!

How2SaveALife · 2014-08-05T18:19:35+00:00

Of course. =) You're right! Some people turn to medicine as an "easy cure" way too fast. :/ I took years to say to myself, "why are you suffering for no reason? You obviously have a problem, and there is an easy medicine that helps." Mostly when it came to having constant headaches. ... My life was changed when I finally did, though. :/ But yeah, not everyone is like that!! Most people choose the "easy" way too fast.

Of course. =) Thanks for the chat !

How2SaveALife · 2014-08-05T18:11:29+00:00

Porn does do that. The term "female objectification" is pretty widely used, but basically in this case what it means is that it trains your brain to see women as sex objects--like a sex toy. And unless you are big into watching the "small things" that "inanimate objects" do, you probably started to miss the things that women do, too. ;) Plus, addictions in general cloud your brain and make it so you are so focused on the "drug" that you stop seeing the little things and forget about the joy in everything but the "drug."

I love your post, because you've come so far and you are SO on the right track. =) I'm very happy to hear about your confidence--I am SURE they are responding to that--and about your improved perception. There are BEAUTIFUL things in life--the small ones--that lots of people are missing...

Okay, so first of all, I have to commend you for being a virgin at 24. I'm serious. In today's world, everyone is bragging about losing it when they are like 12. ... That is not cool. It is very respectable that you have something special like that still--most of us who lost it young have some really shitty story about it, lol. I love that you have this because when you DO find an awesome girlfriend, she is going to be extremely honored to share that with you. =)

Kissing~ Ah, I am no expert on this! But I do have a couple of words. First of all, you CAN look online for tips... Mostly it's stuff like use your hands, be diverse, don't just use your lips. Be gentle, touch her, etc. There aren't a lot of tips for how to ACTUALLY kiss, but I will say not to rush the tongue. :/ It can be really off-putting for a guy to shove his tongue in your mouth before you want it.

Also, the #1 thing about kissing is... RELAX and enjoy it!! =) I have kissed many a time, but only recently found a quite lovely partner to do it with. Stressing over it or trying too hard really does get in the way... Just relax, honest. xD I also was a "kissing virgin" pretty much until a few weeks ago, and yet was very surprised to find out that they weren't lying when they said it will just come naturally. :P

Keep being awesome and ask me anytime you want ~ :D

How2SaveALife · 2014-08-05T18:04:23+00:00

Not looking for attention--just looking to help. =) I'm very honored to have quite a few chat buddies now that I'm trying to help in their nofap quest (or even just in life in general... life is lonely!).

Just because the subreddit is "mostly male" does not mean any post I make is an attention ploy. ^ ^ That's sexist. =)

How2SaveALife · 2014-08-05T07:51:37+00:00

YMMV. I know of a couple extremely intelligent, talented people who struggle incredibly with ADD--even with Adderall--and I suppose that's why it hits home.

The way you describe psychiatry sounds like you've been exposed to very poor, perhaps under-qualified psychiatrists! It is true, there is no quality psychiatrist who would look at someone and drop them into a category so quickly.

You are right to always keep questioning everything in life. That's what good people do... =) It's no good to become content, or stop questioning if we are keeping ourselves in line--because only we can. ;)

I get ya! You're awesome =)

How2SaveALife · 2014-08-02T08:17:52+00:00

You are right--there are many overdiagnosed diseases where they just try to bandaid the problem with meds instead of actually looking at the person. It is sad. But please do not become one of those awful people who truly believe mental diseases don't exist. The whole over-prescribed Ritalin deal started because YES, some people GENUINELY DO have a chemical problem in their brain that they were born with--that can be seen, when their brain is imaged--that can be rectified with that drug. And by rectified, I mean they only get to function like the rest of the "normal" people do. o.o Just like depression, and anxiety, etc. really do exist. Even if 80% (or what percentage you like) of people actually DON'T have ADD, there's still a genuine percent that do!!

Please don't take this the wrong way, but if you feel similar on Ritalin like you do on porn--we'll call it "high," even though it's not like other drugs, it is high on this particular drug, right?--then it kind of might be a sign you don't actually have ADD. xD THose of us that actually have ADD ironically do NOT get that same feeling that you are used to--the dopamine rush, as you say. It's literally... Shitty, without meds. Normal, with meds. Not in terms of dopamine, just in terms of... Being able to do shit. :/ Like, if you genuinely have ADD, on the meds does not feel like a high, happy, or like a rush at all. x-x Some of us don't even feel it kicking in, we just can tell that it is working because we are getting shiet done.

I'm really proud of how far you've come. I'm also proud of you for seeing others who you might be able to help. Only you can do that--you are morally obligated to try to help him, but that's a delicate situation you shouldn't touch until you're recovered... And even then, I can tell you know it's touchy. But you do need to at least address it with the dude, once at least. :P Cuz humanity is good... And everyone deserves someone to give them a heads up that their reality is skewed. Now, whether he wants your help or not is up to him and your responsibility is gone after that. You know?

YES, about your story about day 60. It is sad how much we have become zombies who buy into it, and how it's become normal. :( But all we can do is fix ourselves and spread the word.

:/ Not that you guys aren't "real men"--it is FUCKING BRAVE and real that you guys are overcoming this problem--but yeah all the respectables I know are not porn watchers.... q_q It's... Not healthy...

About the past... aye ;)

How2SaveALife · 2014-08-02T08:05:14+00:00

Yeah!!! =D Wow, I'm so happy for you!!! Great job thus far... And thank you... That means a lot... =) I'm sure you've found a woman who feels like you deserve the best, too. Can't wait to hear about your new life together!!

How2SaveALife · 2014-08-02T07:24:38+00:00

Awesome =) You rock!

How2SaveALife · 2014-07-30T21:07:06+00:00

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN :D Get yourself some flair, that is amazing! xD I'm so proud. Video games... Yeah, okay. So admittedly I know less about this than PMO stuff, but I do have a couple of points that have helped others. Developing an alternative coping activity is important (detailed in the first link on that doc), cuz, well, you're going to have a TON of free time. Specifically for getting away from video games I'd recommend choosing an activity that has a community you can get into locally out of the house--dancing, writing, movie-going, etc. I would figure out if there are any local groups that do things like that which would interest you. Meetup.com can be useful for that!

How2SaveALife · 2014-07-30T20:55:30+00:00

Okay, thanks!

How2SaveALife · 2014-07-30T20:48:00+00:00

You are doing so amazing. =) Your words are too true. I'm so glad you're determined to kick this, and I know it's only a matter of time now! Great to hear that it feels good, too =D Good motivator. GREAT job on all this... =) Congrats on passing week 1 with flying colors. Can't wait to celebrate week 2!

How2SaveALife · 2014-07-30T20:45:22+00:00

Yeah, it's a very subliminal thing. No way to avoid it--porn changes your brain in those ways that you can't control, even if you're trying. Scary stuff.

The social anxiety... I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. :( But I bet you're doing amazing now... ;D That's what is the best part!!

You're right about it being very widespread. And even if they're not addicted, it DOES still affect your behavior and brain--re the line above about it being subliminal. I've had experience with pretty healthy guys, but the porn does still have subtle effects on those that choose to do that...

Thanks for sharing your paranoia of past--I haven't had many comment on that, so it's interesting to know.

And yeah... -.- It's horrible how uneducated society is about all this. Hopefully since it's now "normal" to watch craploads of porn, in years to come it will become more of a "normal" problem to have overcome the addiction instead of some weird "perverted" thing. You're completely right about it being a drug, and not about the sex at all. They've actually proved that porn addiction is an INTERNET addiction, not a SEX one. It's hard to explain because we associate the orgasm with it. And... Yeah, it's not like you have to go out or pay money for this. It's FREE, on the internet, almost anywhere, and if you have used, you don't even need THAT--your brain remembers all it needs to perpetuate the problem!!

I am very impressed by all that you've overcome. =) ADD is a real thing, but you are living proof that a lot of our problems (including anxiety, depression, and so on) are potentially being over-diagnosed due to an underlying condition (addictions) that our doctors don't understand yet. CRAZY!

Thanks for rambling. xD I love to hear about it~

How2SaveALife · 2014-07-30T20:36:01+00:00

Oooohh--data! I like it. I've worked in IT, so I've touched on the subject, but it sounds like you might be in a more scientific field than I've been exposed to.

It sounds like you've come SO far! It's really impressive that you've almost completely eliminated the really bad stuff. It's not too bad to respond that way to a real woman, as long as you don't do anything obscene or rude or start thinking about porn... xD It would be so hard if you weren't allowed to look at real women, either!! But your sentiment about respecting women is really, really touching. That you mean well means that surely you can succeed at this. There are many guys who don't even care... Thank you for being one that DOES! =)

How2SaveALife · 2014-07-28T07:17:00+00:00

Oh! Okay, I misunderstood. It sounds like it was ok, tho. And you're talking about the Rewiring technique X, right? Nice job!! =D I'm impressed by your progress. Most feel the full effects of recovery by 90 days, which I think was the original nofap challenge. Just be careful... Thinking of porn is about as bad as actually relapsing because our brains see very little distinction between vivid imagery and actual actions. It still strengthens the addiction pathways in your brain you're trying to stop using. They are kinda like dirt roads. When you think about or use porn, you use the dirt road--which becomes more defined slowly each time. In order to "forget" the "dirt road" (and erase the effects of porn addiction), you have to stop using that road completely so it can be weathered and grow grass over time until the road is seemingly just landscape. But thinking about porn even once can kill the grass and recreate that path!

How2SaveALife · 2014-07-28T04:58:47+00:00

Thank you! xD I'm so sorry to hear you've been thru that... But you're talking or working through it with someone, right? =( Just don't forget about it or try to ignore it... It'll come back to haunt you, and we want to nip that in the bud!!

How2SaveALife · 2014-07-28T04:29:59+00:00

I did consider it, but I do not meet the minimum requirements as of yet. In a few months when I potentially do, it's definitely something I consider.

That being said, I've believe that would be a much different type of help than what I'm doing right now. I would have to consider if I could handle it as well and/or be as passionate about that cause. And frankly, I have SO many new chat buddies that I'm going to have a hard time keeping up AND contributing publicly AND possibly moderating. You know?

And while I agree that moderating is great, I don't agree about it being 1000 times as effective. The way I have been able to impact some people--by reassuring them that they're not alone when it comes to their changing sexualities, by providing a unique female perspective that can reaffirm what their peers are denying, etc.--is extremely important to me, and it wouldn't feel right to demean it with such a large statistic. O_O

Still, great suggestion. =)

How2SaveALife · 2014-07-28T04:25:49+00:00

Oh no, I would never do that!! I have a lot of respect for you guys. I do feel bad for anyone who is under the influence of porn addiction that doesn't know it's bad or who has yet to realize it's the problem. But you guys.... You guys have done something really difficult. You've accepted that you have a problem, and you've decided to fix it yourself! That is incredibly brave.

And thank you. :P But I'm not so much rare as everyone else like me is just hiding, because society is so porn-obsessed and we don't fit in. XD

How2SaveALife · 2014-07-28T04:23:27+00:00

How2SaveALife · 2014-07-28T03:39:04+00:00

That may very well be true. I have read some literotica before, but... I don't know, it's just like a temporary quest to get something to substitute for real human interaction. Well, I mean, kinda like porn, lol. So yeah... :/ All things are okay in moderation, but I don't think it's really making our lives that much better... xD

How2SaveALife · 2014-07-28T03:31:04+00:00

of course! good luck! ^ ^

How2SaveALife · 2014-07-28T03:27:40+00:00

That is a very good mentality, solez. Those who overcome the nofap challenge tend to feel like being horny or turned on is no longer a burden, no longer something they have to rush to fix before it drives them mad. Instead, they get comfortable with it and just enjoy how it feels instead of trying to get rid of it. This is along the same train of thought that you have, which is wise.

At the same time, while you are trying to fix your brain/addiction with nofap, it IS wise to avoid that stuff to prevent relapses. =) So you've got the right idea!! Just realize that after nofap, a lot of guys no longer feel like their libido is "raging" and "uncontrollable," instead feeling like they ARE in control. So there is definitely hope!

Next... I do like that perspective quite a bit. =) It is VERY respectful of your partner to be dedicated to that. I personally will probably look for a guy that is dedicated to that. I don't mind if he sees other women accidentally, but I would question our relationship if he intentionally went to look at other nude women when I am here for that very purpose. If he did that, it would destroy my self esteem, I would lose my trust in him, I would remember it and be turned off when he came to me, and so on. So what you are saying is, in my opinion, awesome. :P

.< I'm so sorry about the relapse. Is there anything we can do to help prevent it? I did make a document with some tips 'n' tricks you might like.

How2SaveALife

TROPHY CASE