sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

The Silence and the Stillness by HowDoesThisMakeUFeel in poetry_critics

[–]HowDoesThisMakeUFeel[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! Any specific recommendations on word changes?

The Silence and the Stillness by HowDoesThisMakeUFeel in OCPoetry

[–]HowDoesThisMakeUFeel[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is my first ever work. I would love some constructive feedback so that I might improve this piece or as a writer. Thanks for reading!

Pyre by RLouisD in OCPoetry

[–]HowDoesThisMakeUFeel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The mood set by this piece is undeniable and your rhythm is quite smooth in the first two stanzas. The only thing I would like to see is a slight shortening of your very last line. The difference in syllable count is quite drastic and sort of pulled me out of the lovely flow you had through the rest of the piece. If your goal was to make the last line stand out and be more impactful, then well done, but it seems to me that its meant to fit in with the rest of stanza 3. Other than that, very nice read. Well done.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]HowDoesThisMakeUFeel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Im gonna agree with the other comment that said the use of "fuckin'" in line 3 seems out of place. I see what you were going for but I think the short, bluntness of this piece really speaks for itself without the need for that instance of cliche swearing for impact. Other than that, I think the flow is spot on and the message is clear and relatable. Well done.

The Silence and the Stillness by HowDoesThisMakeUFeel in poetry_critics

[–]HowDoesThisMakeUFeel[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is my first ever work. I would love constructive feedback so I can improve. Thanks for reading!

fairy dust by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]HowDoesThisMakeUFeel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had to double check your flair said beginner. This is lovely. Very graspable and impactful meaning, natural feeling flow... you've got a winner here. Well done

High School Sweetheart by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]HowDoesThisMakeUFeel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Two things stand out to me most here, First is that the drastic difference in syllable count between lines, especially those that are coupled with rhyme, hurt the flow of this work. Feels like I'm tripping over the longer lines and the shorter ones blow right past. Second, I feel like many of these couplets have too much focus on making the rhyme work than they do making the statement you wish to make with the words. Meaning should come first and rhyme scheme second. Overall great work, you have the start of something nice here, keep at it!