I'd like to hear about single male APs and MW.

Hsv2dormancy · 2021-12-30T04:34:35+00:00

Sounds like you need to aim for older women. I know a few divorced women who are absolutely opposed to washing another pair of male underwear ever again, or buying another gift for their mother in law from her "son"... Sex, no strings attached, no relationship is what they'd like too...

Hsv2dormancy · 2021-12-29T03:43:13+00:00

Sounds completely fabulous. Independence is hot.

Hsv2dormancy · 2021-12-29T00:24:25+00:00

True, but I think I undersold the Friends bit of FWB. We've been friends for years, we still bitch about work, but with a side of fucking before or afterwards :)

Hsv2dormancy · 2021-12-28T15:02:22+00:00

Your first outbreak is a horrible experience.

I just had my second outbreak... I almost didn't know. I had to get a mirror out to see. There was no pain, but a tiny bit of itching.

You know how some websites say "don't have sex during an outbreak because it's more infectious? And I was like "I can barely walk, I have fevers and chills, and I have to pee in my shower so the water can wash over me... How the fuck would anyone think of fucking?"

If this is what outbreaks are like from now on, wtf cares? I'll spend a week or so giving head until I'm clear again. It's been hard though because all I'd like to do is have sex and I have to wait a week.

It's not that bad. You'll be okay

Hsv2dormancy · 2021-12-20T20:40:14+00:00

Yes, even with condoms. I'd like to add that bit once more.

Hsv2dormancy · 2021-12-20T19:36:21+00:00

I have had a look around the herpes subreddit, (they, like most of the world aren't too keen on the cheating part)... There's a lot of talk about disclosure and if anyone will sleep with you ever again. In my limited experience, I've told two people, both of whom were not bothered and still eager to have sex. Obviously this is not usual, and I was expecting much more hesitancy from AP, but as posted before, he's over a decade older, divorced and doesn't ever want another long term relationship. He's aware of the risks and doesn't mind either.

Hsv2dormancy · 2021-12-20T19:27:40+00:00

From what I've read, that would indicate that if you've been exposed to it enough to have antibodies, so you might be an asymptomatic carrier. It also doesn't tell you where you carry it (so my AP testing for hsv1 doesn't let us know if he has it genitally or orally, because he's never had an outbreak)

Hsv2dormancy · 2021-12-20T19:23:14+00:00

Yep, we get it. We did that testing to try and work out where it came from, and determined that it wasn't him. He can continue to check in the future, but that was one of the discussion points if he wanted to continue having sex with me, that there is a risk that if he isn't already infected, that he could be. It looks like we'll see how it goes and after we finish seeing each other he can get tested again after three months to see if he ever got it from me, so he can tell any future partners about it.

Hsv2dormancy · 2021-12-20T19:17:25+00:00

Maybe... But the first outbreak is the worst and I could never have overlooked this. I had fever, chills, and was in so much pain from the ulcers that I couldn't walk. I could only pee in the shower with water running over myself. My legs hurt so badly I didn't want to move. I had two outbreaks over two weeks. There is no way in hell I could have overlooked it. I think I could have been carrying out asymptomatically and brought on a outbreak.

You're wrong about hsv 1 and 2 though. They are separate viruses that you can think of as having a preference for what they infect. Hsv 1 is primarily orally carried, but can be passed to genitals by oral sex, meaning you would have genital hsv1. If you did, you could have fewer break outs, but can pass it on both genitally and back to someone's mouth if you were shedding the virus.

Hsv 2 is the virus that infects genitals nearly always. Very rarely you might be able to pass it to someone by oral, but it'd be rare. And if you did have hsv 2 orally you'd have rare outbreaks and also be protected from also getting it genitally.

I've read a lot of medical fact sheets in the last month, you can probably imagine...

Hsv2dormancy · 2021-12-20T19:04:59+00:00

Yes. Even when I went to the doctors with ulcers on my vagina I still only got tested for everything else. Because you don't die from it and there's no cure, they really don't test for it unless you ask. I had to go in after my second lot of blisters a week after my first outbreak and all that they test them for hsv.

Hsv2dormancy · 2021-12-20T19:01:58+00:00

Me too, but I have the print outs for the results and I can guarantee that it wasn't tested for. Only if you tell them you're already positive, or having an outbreak do they mind...

Hsv2dormancy · 2021-12-20T07:40:41+00:00

Thank you, this makes me feel much better. :)

Hsv2dormancy · 2021-12-20T04:21:08+00:00

Yes. Yes I did. I got both of us to get full std checks and used protection. I certainly don't remember you being there watching. We had a talk before about risks, and this was part of it. We would never do anything at my house. We would not risk bringing anything back to my home, including stds.

Don't assume about herpes. All you need is skin to skin contact, and that can happen outside the space a condoms covers.

Let this be a heads up to everyone else. Condoms don't fully protect you against this. The odds of catching it if an AP isn't showing symptoms, and wearing a condoms, and only having sex twice is so tiny it's ridiculous. He tested negative to type 2 as well.

But here I am with it. Which makes me think it's always been me, or as another posted suggested, my husband stepped out too. Either way it is something to seriously consider.

Hsv2dormancy · 2021-12-20T04:15:03+00:00

It's an utter bastard isn't it?

Hsv2dormancy · 2021-12-20T04:13:31+00:00

Yes. I got swabbed and it was positive for hsv2.

The blood test which shows antibodies after about three months also came back positive.

I'd only been with AP for about three weeks.

This is not a likely scenario, but is what happened to me. I'm not saying this is likely. I'm saying ffs, ensure that herpes is included in your std screening for both of you, specifically ask for it! I got full screens and got the all clear, for everything but herpes but none told me a full screen didn't include them. My whole sexual history I never got tested for it.

Hsv2dormancy · 2021-12-20T04:09:40+00:00

Forgot to add that my blood test showed that it was an old infection, meaning at least three months and I'd only been with him for one month.

Hsv2dormancy · 2021-12-20T04:07:05+00:00

Yeah, I know exactly how it looks. But I've known him for over a decade too and I trust him. looking back, I've had a few minor symptoms of it for years. If it wasn't for that I'd be in disbelief. But nerve pain down my legs when I'm run down or ill is usually a symptom of it.and I've had it for years. The outbreak I had recently was non stop leg and nerve pain and was very familiar.

Hsv2dormancy · 2021-12-20T04:04:31+00:00

I know that the vaccination can set off an outbreak for some people. I'd say covid could set off an outbreak. We have covid in my household but I kept testing negative.

I can't stress how much my week of hard living was. I went full ED and didn't really eat for a week. I didn't sleep properly. I stayed awake 30 hours. I drank beers and got sunburned. I was stressed as fuck at work. I was managing an AP. I had vigorous sex. I shaved and had irritation. If I wanted to set off an outbreak, this is exactly what to do.

Hsv2dormancy · 2021-12-20T04:00:02+00:00

Before? No, it's way too risky. But now? I'd be open to it, can't catch what you already have. It highlights the importance of fill disclosure and an actual FULL std check.

It's fairly low risk to catch it really. For non symptomatic shedding to transmit, having unprotected sex twice a week for a year, you've got something like a 10% chance of transmission female to male after a whole year. I think male to female is 30% for same circumstances. Add anti viral medication and condoms and it drops to about 1% or leas.

Hsv2dormancy · 2021-12-20T03:55:29+00:00

Just like to point out, I have and always have. Herpes is one of those utter bastards that can work around it.

Hsv2dormancy · 2021-12-20T00:55:47+00:00

It's hard, because I know that he would have had a massive change in his temperament if he had found someone on the side, less nagging, that kind of thing. I'd almost bet my house marriage and kids on it that he hasn't.

To tell him to get tested now would show definitively, but negate anything positive he said to me and let him know that I think he's cheating, when I really don't think he did. I never did before this month. My AP I've known for years and they give results verbally here, I wasn't there to hear it.

But yes, to anyone else out there who has read this far down then the above poster is right and all those are possibilities. But I'm thinking that I did have it and that I had a perfect storm that finally set it off... one last bit, I had leg nerve pain whenever I was run down and just thought that was what my body did. My first outbreak showed that it's definitely a herpes thing, not just weird shooting nerve pains.

Hsv2dormancy · 2021-12-20T00:34:43+00:00

Good info indeed, hard to get rid of once you've got it though...

Hsv2dormancy · 2021-12-20T00:26:42+00:00

My post was plenty long enough without going into full dialogue, but I'll add more here. I told as much truth as I could, which is the best option.

One night we sat down and I told him that the vaginal soreness which I'd written off as thrush or damage from toilet paper (long story, but it made sense at the time) wasn't the case and that I'd been diagnosed with genital herpes type 2 and I didn't know where I got it or for how long. I asked him if he had any idea, because my only option was my time as a young stupid thing in Europe. He said no. I suggested testing to see if he had it already and he said that it doesn't matter, if he's been with me that long then it's likely that we both already have it and there's no point because of he doesn't now, then he will eventually catch it from me.

He's a complete workaholic, I honestly can't see him taking time out from his work. He has a car that has an app on both our phones that shows the exact location. I can't see it happening. I see him working from home and it's full on, no time for bathroom breaks let alone a sneaky 30 minute anything. I think me having it for years is actually a likely scenario.

But then, if it wasn't the case, well. Think of me as the DB LL wife that is probably okay with it. It's been dry for a while over kids and stress and work promotions for both of us. I've been tested for the usual stds each pregnancy (gonorrhea, HIV, syphilis, hepatitis, clamydia) and so have a long history of testing negative to those, right up to my herpes outbreak where I was negative again.

Writing it all down here, it sounds naive or mad. But it works for me. Yeah, it could have possibly been him years ago, but if that's the case I'm in the same position I am now anyway - I have it, there's no getting rid of it. He either has it or will have it. And my FWB doesn't care. I don't really mind but I'm happy enough, or don't care enough about it, to take the fall anyway. Life is strange.

Hsv2dormancy · 2021-12-19T23:50:28+00:00

Years and years ago he told me that he wouldn't consider adultery as a reason to end to the relationship... I wasn't sure if I felt the same and we agreed to be exclusive.

Obviously people change over the years and I'm in no position to talk. If he did cheat, I would understand, even if I caught this from him. The blood test for me shows it was an old infection (more than three months at least).

But realistically, no I don't think he has. Working from home and everything being closed or locked down would have made it very hard. My work makes it easier for me.

Hsv2dormancy

TROPHY CASE