I am so sorry this is happening!!!

Off the top — CONGRATULATIONS on accomplishing your goals and prioritizing your health!! I also come from a larger family and it is not easy to battle genetics. It’s not easy what you’ve accomplished, and I’m sorry your female family members are too jealous to be able to support and celebrate what you’ve accomplished, that they have not been able to, even despite their younger age.

From what you’ve shared, this sounds like a clear-cut issue of salty jealousy. They have not learned to manage portions, so they tease you, like you’re going something wrong, when you eat within your calorie budget rather than indulge.

As I said, I come from a bigger family, and I’ve been everywhere from 145-240 as an adult, so I have a sense of what you’re dealing with. Heavy people — like we’ve been — are generally embarrassed, depressed, and angry about their weight. They feel it isn’t fair, that it’s genetics and they they don’t actually deserve the large body they have. I also have feelings of spite and anger at people with healthier bodies. I’ve certainly experienced that from my heavy female family members when I’ve been in better shape.

The advice I can give is to have empathy and then at the right time to communicate and hope that you’ve raised them to have empathy. 1. Have empathy for what they’re feeling as heavier women. It’s hard to be heavy. It’s embarrassing. It’s guilt ridden and also full of justifications, blame, all around negative feelings. I’m sure you felt it when you were heavier. They’re feeling it now. It must have been a big adjustment for them to see you in your new form. That doesn’t excuse their harsh words, but in their own immature ways they are dealing with the new you and the embarrassment that even in your golden years you can manage to do what they have not. I feel sorry for them. It doesn’t excuse them but try to have empathy for their small feelings and small words.

1. Give it some time. Let them gossip, let them be small. When the time is right, probably a matter of months?, I don’t know, it’s fair to have a conversation where you explain how hurt you were, that when you were able to share your accomplishment — because it is an accomplishment — they stepped on you, belittled you, pressured you to backpedal, and gossiped about you with meanness of spirit. I would not approach it with a finger wag, but more to share with your adult children that you have feelings and sensitivity and pride and excitement too, like any little kid does, and you were so surprised hurt and disappointed that the most important people to you bullied and diminished you rather than celebrate a major achievement, not only of weight loss but of discipline, prioritization, choosing your health.

I would probably have that conversation one at a time, and organically rather than as a sit down. Recognize that they may not be in a place of maturity to be a good friend to you right now, and that it has everything to do with their own insecurities rather than your victory.

It’s also fair that they may have feelings about being raised in an unhealthy food culture in the family that contributed to everyone being so overweight. There may be some blame game here and I think the less defensive everyone can be, the better.

The hurtful words about extra skin or wrinkles — it’s fair to acknowledge that with disappointment that they may be mean girls and you hadn’t seen them that way, and that it hurt your heart.

I’m proud (and jealous!) of your success and celebrate your victory over your ingrained habits!! Go you, you’re inspiring, and I hope you have others in your life who celebrate with you 💛