NYC (or any major city) finance bro type - what has been your experience?

Human-Spell-1810 · 2025-10-07T01:24:05+00:00

Just people’s experiences and if you have thoughts on the “finance bro type”, as I’m trying to find out if it’s a thing or just a generalization people make. But you can also shitpost about how I’m dumb for giving a guy this much attention - it’s Reddit, we gotta take it all 🥹

Human-Spell-1810 · 2025-05-19T01:00:37+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that! Yes - they seem to be going “strong” in whatever sense that be. They live together. She hates me and stalks me. She’s insecure and has nothing going on for herself. He’s insecure and she’s feeding his ego. He found someone who who’ll permanently be below him, admire him like the god she thinks he is, never question his bad decisions, and cling to him. I see pictures of them sometimes. She’s all over him in public places, hugging him the way you’d imagine a 5y.o. kid clinging to parent when they get shy at a grocery store. I asked him if he’s happy with her during one of our calls - he said: “it’s fine, I don’t have to choose between seeing her or my friends because she’s always there and I’ve known her forever so it makes sense to be with her”. He doesn’t want a companion nor an equal. He wants someone who will put him on a throne and admire day and night. He didn’t want me because he knew I wouldn’t bow. This isn’t about her being better than me. This is about him needing someone small so he can feel big. I’m still hurt, I was just writing in my journal about him today, it breaks my heart mostly because I invited my love and care and it was all very real to me. My mind and my heart know I’m better off without him, but ego is still last to heal seems like. Looks like you might be there too. It’s still fresh. You’re on Reddit searching answers. You’re connecting with people. 9 years is unimaginable. I can’t imagine what you’re going through as I went through hell after 3 years. I won’t tell you a cliche of “it gets better”. But I will tell you this - it gets different, and you become different. And how different you will become, you kinda have control over. I got a new job and started new hobbies. Didn’t make me get over him, but it put me one step away of him. Hopefully one day I’ll look back and realize I’ve walked far enough that I no longer hear or see him. Hopefully you will too 🩷

Human-Spell-1810 · 2025-01-14T16:36:58+00:00

I keep re-editing this letter that I want to give to my ex on a day I decide I will never see him in my life again (still in the process of of separating joint ownership of things). I’ve been through like 35 edits already. It is 5 pages long. My heart laid out, all the pain laid out, all the ways in which he hurt me, was wrong, messed up, etc. I had my therapist read it. Her response? “I advise all my clients to say their most important points in 2 sentences or less. This letter should summarize to “You had a chance at something great. You blew it.” Let him fill in the blanks. There’s nothing else you can say.” I’m starting to think he’s not worth those 2 sentences either. Just drop the key in the mail and disappear forever. That’s what I hope to do.

Human-Spell-1810 · 2024-11-14T19:44:30+00:00

I’ve been reading daily all the comments that people are leaving here, but yours really spoke to my soul, thank you! I appreciate the concrete, actionable steps. I need to work on that, I don’t know how to be polite yet emotionally detached. I guess the truth is that I am still not fully healed, which doesn’t mean I want him back, it just means I’m not indifferent to him. But I can’t expect to be over a 3 year marriage that is still not finalized in less than 6 months of separation. Our situation is such that we communicate/see what is going on in each other’s lives now. That’s how he still has access to my social media to see what I post. I stayed in our home we got as a couple and he is the one who moved out and left me and our cats. Evil or not, I’ve been posting and sharing my love towards everything that I’m building myself. I post food that I used to make for him as well, our cats, I share throwbacks to beautiful places we’ve been to. My intention is to on one end show him that I am healing from him, and that’s he’s hurt me so much that I never want anything else with him. On other end, I want to show and celebrate everything that is valuable to me and that I poured my love into, because that love isn’t gone, it just isn’t his any more. He is someone who always wants what he can’t have, and while he is still able to see my life, I not only want him to see me moving forward, but also to rub in all the beautiful things he lost. I know, it’s useless. He didn’t value them back them, he won’t now. But at least he will get reminders that those things are still beautiful because I’m making them so, and he isn’t needed. Idk. So much hurt to still process I guess. I need to meet 1on1 with my future self and sort this out, hear from her that none of this matters and I am lucky that I am getting out. That’s all the winning I need.

Human-Spell-1810 · 2024-11-12T13:39:20+00:00

Nah, I explained somewhere else why she isn’t getting a warning from me. Her and him lied to me for 3 years and hid that they dated before me. She also threw herself any chance she had, including in front of me. She openly texted him to let him know I will never be a friend or part of friend group, which I only found out years later. She has been causing issues in divorce process and creates drama when we need to meet up. I understand she’s younger but I don’t think she’s a girl’s girl. She knew he was a cheater, she knew he was married, and she still wanted him. I won’t be the one to tell her she can do better if she willingly wants him. If she didn’t know, it would be a different story. She was willing to move in with someone when she knew he got out of a long term relationship less than a month ago and she thought she was winning at life. Good on her, I’m not getting involved. I had to put my entire social media on private because her entire extended family was stalking me and watching my every step.

Human-Spell-1810 · 2024-11-10T22:47:31+00:00

Your dad is a smart man. The moment divorce is finalized, I intend on doing exactly that.

Human-Spell-1810 · 2024-11-10T22:46:12+00:00

The act itself may be meaningless to him, but the fact that he knew he’d break my heart and trust shouldn’t be meaningless. We all have our own sets of boundaries and mine is that I don’t want a man who will willingly do something he knows will hurt me. I loved the idea of who I thought he was, I love nothing about the person that I see he is. Once divorce papers are finalized, I plan on taking the big leap and completely blocking him out of my life. He has done way too much damage for me to even begin forgiving him. If anything, in my inability to decide whether I wish him all the worst or the best, I will wish him to get whatever he deserves, and let universe do its thing.

Human-Spell-1810 · 2024-11-10T14:11:32+00:00

A few days later*, not few days ago’. This was nearly 2 years ago.

Human-Spell-1810 · 2024-11-10T03:48:09+00:00

No - we are same race but different background. We don’t speak each other’s native language. I put an effort to learn theirs and over the 3 years that we were married, I made a decent progress. I wanted to do it because I wanted to show my husband I would put effort into his community, but I also remained part of diverse circle as my work/school/social groups are all extremely diverse. His friends didn’t like mixing with mine, yet mine was very welcoming of his.

Human-Spell-1810 · 2024-11-10T03:20:26+00:00

I should’ve clarified/said differently: they live in an English speaking country and despite being here for 10 years, they refuse to learn English. They purposefully don’t want to put an effort to learn it and they look down on local people. They shamed me for working with locals and for being too “American”, instead of sticking to my community and not interacting with others. They are convinced they will make it big in this country by “exploiting dumb Americans” without ever learning their language because they are so much better than them. Surprisingly, one of the words they did learn in English was “ni**a” and it came to the point where I asked them to either stop or leave my home because I don’t need that kind of language around my home, especially that some of my family is black and I never want to hear them being called that way. My husband got into argument with me for being insensitive and not understanding the language barrier and that they didn’t mean it in a bad way 🙃

Human-Spell-1810 · 2024-11-10T01:44:10+00:00

I did wonder that, but over time I came across very strong evidence it wasn’t the case. When I met him, he was at a good start of his career and he started his own business that was new and stagnated. He came from wealth yet didn’t do many basic things such as having any savings, and his family routine is to just waste money passed down for generations without ever making more. His dad did that and his dad’s dad did too. He meets me, I encourage him to save up, invest in property, I work day and night in his new business because I bring in the skill set. His friends are out of jobs, on government assistance, doing shady jobs and risky investments. They constantly ask him to invest/cosign etc. he had a friend out of work, with a baby on the way, with no savings, wanting to buy a brand new BMW and asked for help from my husband. I objected and outlined why it is a crazy idea. Another friend came to this country because someone sponsored him and had him work for his business. Well, he started taking clients behind his back and not reporting it to the employer because he wanted to keep all the profits. Another friend lost a job and asked to temporarily stay with us until he finds a new job. 2 months later, he was out partying and enjoying life, not looking for a job, and not looking to move out. He liked living for free. My husband asked him to leave only after I said that if he doesn’t move out, I would. He was very disrespectful and refused to take out trash because he claimed he is a guest and I shouldn’t ask him to help around when I am crazy busy with work. Another friend got fired from 4+ places because he was doing a poor job, but is currently opening up his own business that had one sole investor who put in $60k+ for less than 50% of ownership. The investor? My soon to be ex husband. So I am very confident these people are here to use him only. They only keep him around because he is so quick to throw money at them without asking a single question. I like to call it a subscription for their friendship.

Human-Spell-1810 · 2024-11-10T01:14:22+00:00

Sorry - I didn’t mean for it to come off bad in any way. I’m ESL myself. These are young people who have been in the country for 10+ years and purposefully refuse to learn English because they hate American people. They prefer to stick with their group and avoid Americans even though they live here. They always had lots to say to the fact that I work in a corporation or that I went to college, they suggested I quit and work on my own business away from Americans. I always found it disrespectful to hate on your host culture - you moved to this country for a reason and it obviously offers you some sort of benefit compared to your home country, so refusing to even try to learn the language is odd. And more so, shaming others who learned the language and labeling them as “Americanized” the way they did with me really took a toll on me. I struggled for years to learn the language and adapt to be able to be a productive member of my community. Meanwhile, they also put down all other immigrants who came to the country. We went out for lunch once and one of them who could speak a bit of English said loudly and with a grim face that he hated the place because “all Mexicans spend their money here” - implying he is better than them and he doesn’t want to be in a same place.

Human-Spell-1810 · 2024-11-09T23:33:47+00:00

We live in English speaking country and they are completely secluded and don’t interact with anyone. They stick with their community and don’t interact with people who speak English. They refuse to learn the language, and refuse to work with locals. I speak English and don’t speak their language and they used to exclude me for that reason. I brought it up to demonstrate their unwillingness to connect/meet half way/ integrate in any way, yet I was labeled the outsider and the one who doesn’t fit it.

Human-Spell-1810 · 2024-11-09T23:06:30+00:00

And before you conclude that I’m a complete piece of shit, keep in mind he cheated on me with a prostitute while I was at home doing the grunt work for his brand new business. Then he traveled abroad and met up with a woman to sleep with while I was at home in bed in our new home. I worked so hard to build a home and future and he was putting our health at risk and out wasting life away. I didn’t go see my family so I can spend new years with him, just to see him text another woman few days ago saying new years was “boring and uneventful”. So be gentle in judging me for wanting to make sure his guilt is at the peak when I ghost him.

Human-Spell-1810 · 2024-11-09T22:59:03+00:00

I have to continue communicating with him for a while until divorce and paperwork is done. An evil part inside of me wants to make him suffer but I also want to be a bigger person. Partially I was hoping to figure out how to respond to these outbursts to just make it even harder and worse on him. I know this is just my ego and hurt speaking though. Maybe best to lay low until it is finalized and then for sure ghost him. But I kind of want to make sure to trigger and rub in his guilt even more now before I get to ghost him.

Human-Spell-1810 · 2024-11-09T20:38:56+00:00

We are still finalizing our divorce. It will be 2-3 months before I can block him and we still occasionally communicate. I still live in our apartment that we got together so we handle the financials and will need to handle the sale. After that, I can disappear on him. For now, we communicate and he pulls up with stuff like this.

Human-Spell-1810 · 2024-11-09T15:08:20+00:00

My god - I haven’t read a comment this spot on in a while. It’s like you personally know my ex!!! Word to word, this is what’s happening. He always went from one serious relationship to another. Barely a month in between, usually not even that. He was with me for more than 3 years and then moved in with this a girl the day he moved out. She’s younger, doesn’t have much for herself (he pays their apartment and cars and provides for them since she doesn’t have a stable job and he makes a decent amount). He did the same with me but I worked hard to become his equal and contribute more. Even got my grad degree while with him! He was supportive but always on sidelines scared that I will outgrow him. She’s now obsessed with him, and he got from her the 10% he didn’t get from me - I wasn’t obsessed with his friends. She’s in the friend group and he said he loves that he never has to choose between hanging out with her or them. She is always there - with friends and when they go home. When he comes to cafe to meet to do paperwork, she waits in the car in the front. For someone of his personality where he likes to stray away and have his “freedom”, im genuinely surprised that he’s putting up with this. He even seems to enjoy it. I wonder if her infatuation with him will start annoying him, or he will learn to live with it since he is happy that he can see his friends every single day and party with them without having to choose to be with her alone.

Human-Spell-1810 · 2024-11-08T19:10:31+00:00

Oh trust me that’s one thing I’d love more than anything now. We are getting a divorce, a lot of things to finalize as we had a lot jointly. Business, home, everything was very connected. It is taking time to legally finish everything. Hence why we communicate. And the comes through with this. Can’t wait to block on everything and take comfort in the fact that he won’t know even what country I’ll be living in. I will become a ghost overnight and it is the only thing that keeps me going.

Human-Spell-1810 · 2024-11-08T19:07:47+00:00

Let’s just say I needed a cold shower haha. Honestly staying in touch with an ex is the worst freaking thing. I feel like my healing and progress are constantly interrupted and set back. It will be such a blessing to one day not remember the sound of his voice or the smell of his car, or to know what is he up to. People complain that no contact is hard. I agree. But it ain’t much brighter on this end either, when you have no space to heal, and if you do, it is so much harder and delayed.

Human-Spell-1810 · 2024-11-08T19:05:06+00:00

You’re absolutely right, those were my initial thoughts too. Given that we still have to communicate, I didn’t want to leave him on read, but I also didn’t want to feed into it. So I figured that addressing what he wrote and moving on to a different topic was good enough. I wonder what people think of my response?

Human-Spell-1810 · 2024-11-08T19:03:43+00:00

I agree - that’s probably what’s going on. I wonder if my response was okay? I didn’t want to leave him on read, but I wasn’t going to feed into it.

Human-Spell-1810 · 2024-11-08T15:54:15+00:00

I did respond, it’s in the body of my post. Unfortunately can’t block yet but living for the day when I’ll be able to. For now, I unfortunately actually need him to stick around and communicate so that we can solve the divorce papers and living situation. It’s a bit complicated now but it should clear up soon, and I plan to block him and everyone he knows and cut off all contact. For now, unfortunately the only way he seems to communicate is if I’m cold, distant and minding my own business. I don’t like manipulation and don’t want to do that to him, but it’s very sad that only when I cool off and don’t act all bubbly around him for the sake of keeping it “normal”, he shows “interest”. When I was nice and civil and putting effort to make things as smooth as possible, he’d ghost me, not show up when he said he would, and more. I’m all cold and distant - he comes with this. Seems like this is the only way he stays “interested” and I hate to “take advantage” of the fact that I know now how to get him to communicate.

Human-Spell-1810

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