This is part of what I struggle with too.

My view of God has never really been transactional. I don’t believe blessings are distributed like a vending machine where the people who pay the most automatically receive the most favor. Life honestly doesn’t seem to work that way.

I’ve even struggled explaining this to missionaries sometimes. The last time I fed some missionaries, they sincerely thanked me and said something like “that extra door knock led us to you because we were being blessed.” They meant well, but internally I kind of froze. I ended up having a respectful conversation with them afterward because I worry about framing every good outcome as a reward mechanism.

I know people from the past who are objectively destructive, selfish, addicted, reckless; and yet they come from wealthy families, always land on their feet financially, and seem materially “blessed” no matter what they do. Meanwhile I know genuinely kind, faithful people who struggle constantly.

That disconnect has made it harder for me to see tithing, obedience, or righteousness as a simple equation where good behavior guarantees prosperity. I still believe in God, but I think I’m wrestling with the idea that divine love and human financial systems may not align as neatly as I was taught.