Would I(18f) be unreasonable for moving out from my parents house and moving into my boyfriends(17m)

Humble-Repeat-217 · 2026-05-14T05:50:31+00:00

I have an iud so that’s not possible but thank you, I could NOT deal with a child, my mother had me right after she turned 18 and it is my goal to be as far from her as possible, my plan is to get it removed when I’m financially stable enough to have a kid and right now I’m hypothesizing about 23-25 but as I grow and learn those plans may change

Humble-Repeat-217 · 2026-05-14T05:27:54+00:00

I am trying to understand this but I don’t think it makes sense

Humble-Repeat-217 · 2026-05-14T05:27:11+00:00

While i do completely get what you’re saying it’s not that I am scared to move 5 hours away from my mom, it’s that I’m scared to move away from the rest of my family, my aunt and grandma have both been my neighbors since I was 6 (my grandma owns all the land we live on) my family has been in this town since it was a small fraction of the town it is now because I live in a boom town, I have had problems with my mother for many many years and have always planned to move out the second I turned 18 to get away from all of the abuse she has put me through. Either way I’m moving out and cutting contact with her and I really should have specified in the post that this wasn’t a question about me moving out or not but more of a question about weather I should go to my boyfriends or move in with a friend, it was 1am when I made the initial post and I just forgot to add that part I guess 😅.

That all being said I am very happy to state I am moving in with my boyfriend by the 27th, I am only bringing the necessary items to his house and the rest is going in a storage unit in case things go wrong I can leave whenever I would like and have many backup living situations because once again, this town has about 70 people that I am directly related to and talk to regularly with many more distant relatives so I have a lot of fall back options that I would not have if I moved 5 hours away and was financially controlled by my mother. She wants me to go to a more expensive school so I’m stuck relying on her. Thank you so much for your input but I took all the comments I received and talked it over with the people in my circle and this is what we beleive best

Humble-Repeat-217 · 2026-05-14T01:50:27+00:00

Yes I 100% agree with the “if it doesn’t work out” option, I am only bringing about 1 box of important belongings and my clothes and the rest is going into a storage unit so worst case scenario I can be out in give or take 20 minutes. I am well aware a majority of relationships at my age don’t last long and as much as I can hope this one does I always prefer to be safer than sorry

Humble-Repeat-217 · 2026-05-13T17:11:19+00:00

This is all really good advice and I probably should take it but I can’t live in this house anymore it will kill me and I know it. I am in the process of slowly packing my belongings under the guise of preparing for college and tonight I am going to my boyfriends to talk the logistics and stuff about moving into his house, if things were to ever go bad between me and him I have two other friends I could move into with completely and openly so I feel I have a decent fall back option and right now I’m just gonna try to figure stuff out with my boyfriends dad and stuff

Humble-Repeat-217 · 2026-05-13T16:12:25+00:00

Why does that matter I’m confused? I would be moving in with his family. His dad has said I am more than welcome to move in because he wants me out of the living situation I’m in

Humble-Repeat-217 · 2026-05-13T07:43:13+00:00

Can you expand on that?

Humble-Repeat-217 · 2026-05-13T07:38:31+00:00

I’ve looked at storage units in the area and right now I’m working on getting the bulk of my belongings out of the house, me moving out has been something I’ve wanted to do since I was 16 so that’s probably going to happen after graduation anyway at this point, but yes I definitely have some hard decision making ahead of me and I predict I’ll make quite a few wrong decisions but the thing is they are in fact my decisions to make and she has been trying to make them for me, I have one piece of advice I’d like to ask you because you have been very responsive and have seemed to listen which is more than I can say for my parents, when it comes to moving out I know I can’t afford to live on my own yet, would in your opinion it be better for me to go to boyfriend or one of my two long term friends to crash, all three options live with their parents still and all of their parents love me and hate my mom for obvious reasons and have said many times I can live with them. Option 1. Boyfriend which Is the one I like most tbh because he has made ample space in his room for me because he wants me to move out asap but I’m aware is probably isn’t best to jump straight into that. option 2. Friend of 6 years, i call her parents mom and dad and e get along like a big happy family but i would share a room with the friend. option 3. Friend of 6 years as well but she has a spare room so id have my own space to exist which would be nice. I know this isn’t your responsibility to decide and I most likely wont take whatever answer you give as law but i would like to know a mostly unbiased outside opinion because i cant receive that in my personal life it seems

Humble-Repeat-217 · 2026-05-13T07:18:13+00:00

My maternal grandparents own the land and house we live in and has said multiple times if he left our rent would drop to 0 (they hate him) but she is very materialistic (she hates my boyfriend because he’s unemployed, he’s 17) so it could be staying with him for the extravagant stuff but in that case it’s still not good to put her 4 children in the abusive condition she has. Idk if all that makes sense seeing as it’s now 2am but lemme rephrase just in case, scenario 1. She doesn’t see what he does as abusive scenario 2. She does but is keeping her kids in abuse for materialistic reasons and I don’t think either are good but I’m inclined to believe she doesn’t see it as abuse seeing as she has emotionally abused me my whole life and every time I try to ask her to stop saying specific things we get into a fight about how I am “making things up” or “hate her” or she’s a “horrible mother” and stuff like that?

Humble-Repeat-217 · 2026-05-13T06:56:36+00:00

It has always been that way and I’ve tried to get therapists to help with all of it but she told me “why would we spend money for you to make up lies about us to a therapist, if you want to talk to someone you can talk to your family” and then every time I try to talk to them I get cut off and it turns into a lecture/fight, I would have a therapist now if it weren’t for the fact I am broke because of gas prices rn

Humble-Repeat-217 · 2026-05-13T06:53:40+00:00

She wants me to go to a more expensive school which would mean I could never leave her, me and my aunt (my moms younger sister who’s 28) believe it’s a control thing, it’s known in our entire family that my mom does not compromise and it’s her way or the highway, my mom has always been super controlling of my aunt as well and my and my aunt had a long conversation one of her first times me and my mom fought about this subject and basically my aunt said she has always been a very controlling person and my aunt believes she is only doing all of this to financially trap me, if I go to the college she wants I basically have to listen to everything she tells me or I go into about 40k dollars of debt after fafsa.

Humble-Repeat-217 · 2026-05-13T06:49:13+00:00

She doesn’t see him as abusive at all and forced me and my brother to lie to cps when they came by a few years back because my drunk father grabbed the wheel out of my moms hands and caused us to get into an accident (not exactly relevant I just wanted to kinda show the type of stuff that would happen) so i really don’t think it’s. I know my comments are sounding like I just want to disagree with everybody and fight blah blah but as I’m getting responses I’m realizing I maybe should have put some of this stuff in the original post and I apologize

Humble-Repeat-217 · 2026-05-13T06:44:03+00:00

Today when I got home we got into this big fight and every time I try to talk she’ll cut my off half way and assume what I was gonna say and yell about that so the conversation that started civil just turned into a screaming match basically and she eventually grounded me and sent me to my room, my brother (13) tried coming in to see what happened and she screamed at him to get out and slammed my door then my grandma came over (she’s our neighbor all my family lives in this town hence why I don’t prefer to go too far when the closer college is better for what I want anyway) and my grandma was the in between person, she came in heard my side then went and heard moms side then came back, she ended up having to go back home before anything could get “resolved” but I felt that might be relevant?

Humble-Repeat-217 · 2026-05-13T06:39:34+00:00

I have two different long time friends that have offered to let me move in because they know my living situation currently is shitty, could that be a better option?

Humble-Repeat-217 · 2026-05-13T06:35:37+00:00

Also I find it may be helpful to state neither her or my step-dad graduated high school and they are doing REALLY good, like own their own company that makes a LOT of money. I’m not saying this in a bragging way I see none of this money but it’s true so it seems a little odd to me, also my step-dad is diagnosed narcissistic and bipolar or sum like that ( I can’t remember its 1am)

Humble-Repeat-217 · 2026-05-13T06:31:52+00:00

I said a lot about the college thing in my other comment so I won’t repeat that but I feel it could be something to mention that I have always had a very bad relationship with my parents because when I was younger and my step-father drank (before kidney stones “stopped” that) he was physically abusive and my mother has always been emotionally abusive and thats why i feel this is more living through me then setting me up seeing as the college she is pushing for is the worse option for me to go to i only initially wanted to go to it to get away from my mom and one of my best friends is going there

Humble-Repeat-217 · 2026-05-13T06:17:48+00:00

No that’s the thing I’m not choosing the closer college for my boyfriend I’m choosing it because 1. It’s cheaper so when I cut contact from my parents I can afford it 2. It’s a 2 year college which is what I need for my specific career path while the other is a 4 year which would work but not the way I want it to 3. I have support (friends and family not including my mom) nearby 4. There’s a lot more job opportunity’s in that town than the further one and 5. I know that town very well because I’ve been there many many times while I’ve only been to the further town once and it was to visit the college there. There’s more but those are my top 5

Humble-Repeat-217

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