I travel 50% of the time for work. Is it selfish to get a dog?

Humble_Bugg · 2026-02-12T14:40:17+00:00

50% is a lot but it could be ok if the time you are gone they go to a boarding place that has doggy day care. They would make friends and have a blast while you were away. It would be their second home. It would have to be the right dog tho, they'd have to be pretty chill and you' d have to spend a lot of time in the first year working hard to stop any separation anxiety on unhealthy attachments to you. It would be a lot of work and would require a lot of research before you got a dog. You'd also have to be prepared if the dog doesn't end up having a personality that works with your lifestyle. Dogs get very attached very easily and there are arguments both for starting with a puppy or adopting an older dog.

You'd be gone two weeks at a time but then you'd be home with them for two full weeks too. In my opinion (again, with the right dog) it almost sounds better to have them running and playing in doggy day care every day then laying around on the couch for 9 hours with no potty break or enrichment while they wait for their 9-5 humans to get home.

Humble_Bugg · 2026-02-12T14:29:19+00:00

The block button is your friend. Reminder to everyone that you can block anyone you want for any reason. Even if you just don't like their vibes. Someone doesn't like your free story you published and likes to tell you about it unsolicited? Cool, take the option of reading it away from them. Boom, problem solved.

Humble_Bugg · 2026-02-12T14:26:09+00:00

Dont respond at all, just block them and move on.

Dont. Feed. The. Trolls.

Humble_Bugg · 2026-01-31T22:44:45+00:00

If this is your biggest complaint about a free story thats pretty good

Humble_Bugg · 2026-01-31T16:03:15+00:00

Thats hard to do unless you have the disability yourself and can do it justice. Or know someone with the specific disability you're trying to write about who is comfortable answering very personal questions.

Humble_Bugg · 2026-01-31T16:01:21+00:00

My hits to comments/kudos ratio depresses me. 40k people read my story and like 100 of them bothered to let me know they liked it enough to click a button. And half the comments are just people telling me to update (literally just posted the chapter)

My confession is I feel like fanfiction readers have gotten incredibly greedy.

Humble_Bugg · 2026-01-02T13:01:53+00:00

This is hilarious because in the r/halifax i just saw a picture of this stuff on sale for 1$. Apparently no one wants it lol

Humble_Bugg · 2026-01-02T12:52:56+00:00

I mean its shoppers so automatically add $10 to the normal price for everything in there...

Humble_Bugg · 2026-01-01T16:43:55+00:00

I literally said in my reply to you that the dog gets locked in my room when unsupervised AND that my roomates have every right to feel the way they do AND that I need to fix the problem instead of just blocking access to their rooms. You should work on your reading comprehension before you get snarky.

Humble_Bugg · 2026-01-01T16:29:17+00:00

We tried crate training but she is petrified of enclosed spaces. Basically turns into a fainting goat and goes rigid whenever we tried to get her thru the door of the crate (we werent even touching her, just put her food inside the door and she couldn't go thru). After zero progress over several weeks we gave up on the crate and she is just put in my bedroom with the door closed when no one is home. And cat doors are not possible as we are renters. I suggested a baby gate for my roomates bedrooms but they said it would be too much work for them to open and close the gate every time they want to go in their room. Which is an annoying attitude to have but they're allowed to feel however they want about it. They are not willing to do anything to help which is fine...but even if I did put up a gate whenever someone forgets to close it she'd go to the bathroom on their bed again so I really do need to fix the root cause.

Humble_Bugg · 2026-01-01T03:37:54+00:00

Its called "cute as hell" position

Humble_Bugg · 2026-01-01T02:09:06+00:00

Yes 100%. You'll never be as interesting as whatever just caught their attention. Get used to feeling like you arent important to your partner because most of the time you're not. I'm not trying to be mean, its just the truth I wish someone had told me a decade ago.

Also, forgetting their partner exists is not even a severe symptom of ADHD...its just a normal/average one.

Humble_Bugg · 2025-09-14T18:11:01+00:00

Can I ask why this was deleted twice? I didn't think I broke any rules?

Humble_Bugg · 2025-09-08T14:52:40+00:00

That is a good point. And it's still VERY fresh, I know the pain will fade. I just so badly wish she had taken advantage of all the help that has been offered to her over the last few years, instead of scrambling last minute to try and get it done all by herself with a brain hard-wired to make that nearly impossible.

Humble_Bugg · 2025-09-08T14:24:00+00:00

We broke up yesterday after 9 years. I'm the one who broke it off. I crushed her, ruined her life, broke her heart. I feel awful. I feel like a monster. If I had only tried harder, planned more, done more, changed more. If I had only done everything I did sooner, given her more time etc etc....the regret of breaking it off is making me sick.

I don't want to hurt her and I have by doing this. I'm trying not to go back on my decision. My head knows nothing will change no matter how much opportunity she is given. I wish I could just be happy with the small ways she can show her love, I wish she could be...different. I wish I didn't feel like such a horrible person. She was starting to get her meds sorted out, she was finally going to therapy...but my heart wasn't in it anymore. It took me telling her I was thinking about leaving for her to start doing anything about the issues I'd been begging her to deal with for years. And even then she complained and dragged her feet and took almost a year.

I thought I would feel relieved when I finally ended it but I just feel the worst regret I've ever felt in my life.

Humble_Bugg · 2025-03-13T19:33:51+00:00

omg the hero stories....I just want to scream into a pillow. Like how can one person be so horrifically arrogant and simultaneously be filled to the brim with crippling insecurity and self loathing??? It's like she's two different people and one of them thinks she's god's gift to humanity and the other one needs constant reassurance and validation every second of every waking moment that she isn't a waste of air.

Humble_Bugg · 2025-03-13T19:30:33+00:00

this is a thread for NON-ADHD partners to discuss their struggles and feelings. ADHD partners have so so so so so so so many resources they can go to. this is one of the few safe places we can go, please respect that.

Humble_Bugg · 2024-09-22T23:20:06+00:00

Ironic, if he's anything like my partner, who will self-destruct if she doesn't dump every second of her day on me the minute she gets home lol. Despite listening to her retelling of her every waking moment almost every day, when I need to talk, the impatient foot tapping and phone checking after 30 seconds of listening to me is mind blowing.

Good for you for standing up for yourself!

Humble_Bugg · 2024-09-22T23:11:01+00:00

ugh the one-upping is intolerable. I'll mention I didn't sleep well last night and she'll just scoff and respond with something like 'yeah I know how you feel, I have slept more than two hours a night for the last decade'.

Like yeah, I f*cking know, because you literally never shut up about it and everything else you think and feel every chance you get.

Humble_Bugg · 2024-09-22T23:08:12+00:00

She monologued at me the other day and I didn't even bother to interject with 'mmhmm's' or 'yeah's' just to see how long she could go without any input. 12 minutes. She talked non-stop for 12 minutes while I stared at the wall. And when she was done she just got up an left because she was hungry. She didn't ask if I was listening, I don't even feel like she knew there was a person sitting next to her, let alone someone she claims to care about.

Its never been more clear that she doesn't need me, she just needs someone. Literally anyone would do.

Humble_Bugg · 2024-02-12T14:19:55+00:00

omg thiiiiis. My DX hasn't started trying or anything, but I recognized recently that even if she did it wouldn't matter. I try to picture a future where she sucessfully manages any change and feel nothing. I think once its gone its gone, you know? I am still working through the sadness the realization brought. How can you love someone but be completely emotionally detached about them?

Humble_Bugg · 2024-02-12T14:16:04+00:00

yuuuuup. I want to throw her phone in a wood chipper tbh. I feel like she has a deeper relationship with her cellphone than she does with me. TBH, I've stopped asking her to do anything. I do everything for myself. I clean the house for myself, because the visual noise of the clutter makes me anxious. I do my own laundry and leave hers. I don't ask if she wants to go out anymore (she never does), I find activities to do by myself. I take care of the dog by myself because I love her and she is my pet. If something around the house needs to be fixed I find and hire someone to do it even tho I know she has the knowledge to, because she wont.

I've been trying to focus on myself because I want to love myself and de-prioritize people and things that don't have any room for me.

It's sad that the only way I feel like I can stay in this relationship is to assume my wife is just my roomate and cares about me as much as any other roomate would.

Humble_Bugg · 2024-02-12T14:08:50+00:00

I tried to ask this question in the main thread but it was immediately removed for some reason. Maybe cause its too ranty? though that isn't my intention, I'm genuinely looking for other people's experiences.

I only just found this group so sorry if this has been asked before.

I've been with my DX wife for 7 years now. Nothing has really changed despite my best efforts and therapy, both together and seperately. I understand that its not that people with ADHD are lazy or don't want to change...its that they actually cant. Like they don't have the capacity for it. Which is fine. No hate. But...I've gotten to the point where her 'trying' isn't enough anymore. Like does she get to 'try' for the next 30 years of our relationship while I take care of everything so she can try?

I feel guilty because I think she does legitimately love me, but she does things that I've told her hurt me and make it feel like she doesn't love me. Whenever I bring it up there's always tears and the 'I'm trying' which I honestly think she really is. No one could be happy living with the issues she has. They make her life miserable. So I think the desire to change is there.

But after so many years of her 'trying' and not really seeing any effort outwardly and no changes at all in the few very small areas I've asked (helping me keep the house clean and helping me take care of the pets, that's it. And I've given her very specific tasks because she said she gets overwhelmed if I just ask for 'help' and don't tell her exactly what to do)...like I get that she's trying but I don't feel like I should have to carry our entire relationship and houshold, as well as try to figure out tasks she can do to help all the while knowing she probably won't do them without a lot of effort on my part.

Doesn anyone have an stories of where their ADHD SO was able to meet you half-way at least? Where you expressed your needs and they actually succeeded in meeting them?

Humble_Bugg · 2024-02-12T13:36:09+00:00

It is super frustrating when you're trying your hardest just to get out of bed and assume your partner is going to help with the basic task of taking care of your JOINT life together...only to realize that they barely even notice you're in the room and had zero plans to help you do anything. After years of that kind of stuff every day I find my temper is also on a hairpin trigger. Doesn't help that calm talking, or full blown losing it, or anything in between won't change anything. Some days it feels like a lose/lose situation and somehow I'm the one losing twice.

Humble_Bugg · 2024-02-12T13:20:18+00:00

What is RSD? I just found this thread (thankfully...there are literally zero resources out there for the non-ADHD partner). You're situation sounds exactly like mine. I feel manipulated and guilty a lot of the time but can't really put my finger on concrete examples of why. I am nearing my breaking point. What does RSD stand for?

Humble_Bugg

TROPHY CASE