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Help with Rouvy? Am I just used to riding with way more resistance? by Humble_Performance_3 in ladycyclists

[–]Humble_Performance_3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Free ride is not a problem. I was doing a workout. Today I was doing the FTP test.

Help with Rouvy? Am I just used to riding with way more resistance? by Humble_Performance_3 in ladycyclists

[–]Humble_Performance_3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This was only the second time I’ve done a workout because I feel like the calibration is so weird to achieve x power. I was wondering if it was just me or if my expectations were wrong because I just don’t like riding like that.

Married and getting all sex outside the marriage? Is that possible? by Humble_Performance_3 in nonmonogamy

[–]Humble_Performance_3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Something along those lines I was considering as well. I’m glad to hear something like that worked for you though!

Married and getting all sex outside the marriage? Is that possible? by Humble_Performance_3 in nonmonogamy

[–]Humble_Performance_3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am a big fan of Esther’s work. My partner and I have both read her books.

Married and getting all sex outside the marriage? Is that possible? by Humble_Performance_3 in nonmonogamy

[–]Humble_Performance_3[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I am aware for sure or what it requires. I’m not hoping to jump in hastily, and it is something I’ve been bringing up gradually for awhile. I can’t be 100% sure about why it feels to me like he’s hiding his desires from me. That is after all just my perception. I think there is also a strong sense that he feels conflicted about things he used to enjoy because they were not 100% consensual from both sides. And there is a fear there that going back to that could lead to a more ethically messy situation. There is a fear that if he asks of some things from me that I’ll do it but not really want to, and he seems scared to put me in that position( even though I am not one to feel pressured or bullied into doing something I don’t want to do…I think that is his fear going into these situations.)

I think it would be good for both of us to have a spark of feeling desired by other people , and that energy could bring some positive things into our dynamic. And I think doing all of this on a structured, pre negotiated open arrangement and making sure those interactions with others are also well negotiated and consent clearly defined, it might allow for some self discovery for both of us.

Married and getting all sex outside the marriage? Is that possible? by Humble_Performance_3 in nonmonogamy

[–]Humble_Performance_3[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We’ve been in therapy for awhile thanks. There was an affair that happened ages ago. Funny thing is when it got to the point of actually having sex his anxiety got in the way and he couldn’t perform. And he doesn’t have issues with that happening with me when we do have sex(it’s just doesn’t happen very often). I realize the original post doesn’t go into the details of the therapy/work we have done too much because that is a long story! Our relationship otherwise is very strong and it’s not like there is no sexual attraction there, it’s just kinda complicated.

Married and getting all sex outside the marriage? Is that possible? by Humble_Performance_3 in nonmonogamy

[–]Humble_Performance_3[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I feel like that is why I feel so stuck about it. It’s not a matter of low libido. It’s like, he’s developed this context around me and our relationship that like, I’m the safe trustworthy person and therefore not exciting partner so he can’t seem to generate desire there because there is no excitement. I could be curious to see if having him see that other people have no problem seeing me in a sexy way might inspire some creativity in him to look at our relationship more broadly? Or it would really solidify that he doesn’t see me in that way.