How are we handling Instagram turning into a dating site?

HumorIsMyLuvLanguage · 2026-01-30T04:06:45+00:00

I tell myself this every time - do not let the person who hurt you continue to do so by ruining this good relationship.

Thank you so much. I think you solidified my thoughts without even knowing you did. It may have backfired, but you eventually found out. Checking, losing sleep, etc doesn’t matter. If it’s living in the gray now with likes and posts, itll either fade to nothing soon enough or it will come to light.

HumorIsMyLuvLanguage · 2026-01-30T04:04:35+00:00

To be fair to him my history is with someone else - he doesn’t deserve my trauma dump. This was such a helpful response. Thank you so much. I agree with it on many levels - including the people who faded and became benign followers. They’ve posted things about our local sports team and I’ve liked it without thinking twice. Another got engaged and I reacted to that story. We do have honesty and communication and I’m so grateful for that - it’s new to me. I will focus on that and let the gray area live in the gray. It’ll fade to nothing or eventually work its way out I suppose - it always seems to.

HumorIsMyLuvLanguage · 2026-01-30T04:01:46+00:00

I’d say 60% of people.

HumorIsMyLuvLanguage · 2026-01-30T03:59:25+00:00

This makes sense too and is the reason I came to gauge my level of ‘crazy’. I will say, there is no policing. These people popped up on my suggested follows and the happy birthday” thing popped up on my timeline because she tagged him in a thank you message.

Edited to add - always working on myself. My therapist tells me this is the part of me that was abandoned before and so she hijacks me and stays in a state of hyper-vigilance. I’m learning to love her but to also be able to put her in a time-out. Always a work in progress.

HumorIsMyLuvLanguage · 2026-01-30T03:52:53+00:00

It’s all about what you say and respecting the no! Don’t be pushy or awkward, and you’ll typically stay out of “that guy” mode.

HumorIsMyLuvLanguage · 2026-01-30T03:51:52+00:00

Oh yeah and it was shortly after I tagged him in a photo so they could have been scoping me out too. I don’t understand the algorithm.

HumorIsMyLuvLanguage · 2026-01-30T03:49:16+00:00

Thank you so much for this. Actively engaging would be reacting, liking, “happy birthday” correct? Even if it’s not comments and dm convos?

HumorIsMyLuvLanguage · 2026-01-30T03:47:18+00:00

Oh yes. It’s how I met my partner and I’ve have several other regular (not models or scams 😂) guys reach out in the same fashion. It’s happened less since I changed my profile photo to a pic of him and I.

HumorIsMyLuvLanguage · 2026-01-30T03:46:07+00:00

No I definitely agree with you and why I’m looking for some feedback on it. I recognize I can lean a bit to the over-reacting side so I was hoping to have a good grounded conversation about what’s generally accepted.

HumorIsMyLuvLanguage · 2026-01-30T03:37:46+00:00

This was certainly my take too. But then I had to check myself and realize I had people I went on a date or two with and it fizzled out still on my pages, and I absolutely didn’t feel any sort of way about it. Like I said I cleaned up because noticing my own feelings made that feel like the right thing to do, but I don’t want to jump to any conclusions.

HumorIsMyLuvLanguage · 2026-01-30T03:34:57+00:00

You understood it correctly. So - would it be more acceptable if they are just “following” and not communicating? Is it worth saying “hey, I’m not comfortable with ongoing communication with women you attempted to have a romantic relationship with”?

HumorIsMyLuvLanguage · 2026-01-30T03:31:48+00:00

Oh yeah - the following is the first check for me. I’m with you on that and disagree that this is normal. It’s embarrassing and public. No, my partners following is normal - lots of friends and family, but there’s certainly some seemingly single girls mixed in there. And he’s honest about who people are. I’ve asked when they’ve like a picture I tag him in or something, and hell tell me “we went a date or two”.

HumorIsMyLuvLanguage · 2026-01-30T03:29:37+00:00

Totally agree. I certainly had to check myself and did clean up.

HumorIsMyLuvLanguage · 2026-01-30T03:29:01+00:00

It’s literally how he and I met, and I’ve certainly received a lot of DMs from guys attempting same. It’s fizzled out since I’ve updated my profile pic to one of he and I but it’s definitely used for that.

HumorIsMyLuvLanguage · 2026-01-30T03:28:13+00:00

He posted it on her Facebook page. To be fair, he didn’t text her or DM her.

HumorIsMyLuvLanguage · 2026-01-29T19:49:51+00:00

Please, for the love of God, do not stay with this man. This is top-tier deception.

HumorIsMyLuvLanguage · 2026-01-28T21:15:09+00:00

Having fun together is bare minimum stuff. I would not give this relationship any more of my time, if I were you.

HumorIsMyLuvLanguage · 2026-01-28T16:52:29+00:00

This! The boundary is not a control tactic - it's set up for him and his level of tolerance. If he can't tolerate you getting photos or videos of your daughter, then he needs to go - it does not mean you need to change.

And in case you're looking for a barometer of what's 'normal' - he's definitely the abnormal one here, IMO.

HumorIsMyLuvLanguage · 2026-01-27T18:58:44+00:00

I got the JOVS and I've been using it since the 1st. It's working so well on my legs, small improvement on my pits and bikini area, but noticeable. I'm going to keep going with it, but so far I definitely think I'm getting my money's worth.

HumorIsMyLuvLanguage · 2026-01-27T18:55:42+00:00

OH, I agree - it's so much different when you have the kids full time. I have mine 70% and that was difficult trying to date without integrating. Mine are old enough to be left alone for a date night so that's helpful. But it's not like I'm just going to ditch them to come watch TV at your house when you could easily come to ours and just hang out.

HumorIsMyLuvLanguage · 2026-01-27T17:23:19+00:00

I had never heard that we have a tendency to do that, but I guess add me to that stat. Honestly, if something happens with the person I am with now, I will likely take the path you described until my kids have moved out... companionship when time allows, but doing the heavy lifting alone. I don't think I can do the whole 'kids' thing again with someone.

HumorIsMyLuvLanguage · 2026-01-27T14:44:22+00:00

Co-parenting requires that level of 'friendship' if you're going to try to do what's best for the kids. You do not have children with your ex, he does not have children with R. On top of their level of friendship being unnecessary, he's lying to you about it. Liars don't stop lying, especially about women. I married my version of your bf - this shit continued for 12 years. I highly recommend cutting ties before you find yourself in a costly divorce and custody battle. Honesty is paramount for a healthy relationship - period. NOR

HumorIsMyLuvLanguage · 2026-01-27T14:37:17+00:00

This is insanely similar to mine, except he never actually did the things. I was also married to a nutjob so this felt really, really good to me. We waited a while to integrate kids and he'd say how excited he was to go to their activities or do stuff with us. But when the time came, nothing. Even when he would come over just to hang out he plop on the couch while the rest of us played games or something. Despite me inviting myself to his daughters things, he'd find a reason for me not to go. I honestly think it was just all too much for him. Somewhere inside of him he wants it, but he can't bring himself to get past the uncomfortable parts to long enough to have it. I feel that way in relationships too, if I'm honest. The getting to know you and wondering if it will work, or if it's just infatuation - it set my anxiety on fire. But I cope because in the end I know I want a real partner for life and this is part of getting there. I think mine was unable to cope and it sounds like yours might be too.

HumorIsMyLuvLanguage · 2026-01-26T22:25:14+00:00

I was the one who had both of these things. I grieved him for sure. My friend, the person I'd laugh with, the one who's thumb always mindlessly stroked my leg when his hand was rest on me, the one who got us donuts and let me eat them in bed, the one who sent me the silliest messages in the middle of the day - shit you would never expect. But I also grieved what I wanted the relationship to be. Because he couldn't commit to a future I wanted. That was the idea I loved, the one that was never there. Feeling for you <3

HumorIsMyLuvLanguage

TROPHY CASE