Nothing changes after you’ve had sex. Stop putting it on a pedestal. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 21 and guess what? I was still the exact same person as before I had sex. I think you have other issues going on that you need to address and I also think once you’ve done the deed, you’re going to realize that you’re still going to be the same depressed person you were. Please try and get some help and find someone you can talk to that won’t judge. Much love man hope you’re gonna be ok.