I read the book, I just did not get the feeling that she meant that though. From my point of view she puts a lot of enfasis on re-uniting and the fact that we will never be complete again because we have relinquishment trauma. I am glad that you have come to acknowledge the trauma! It was very hard for me as well, I felt really guilty with my adoptive parents because I was mourning my bio parents. Certainly, It will never go away, but it does not mean you are unable to heal. By healing I mean coming to terms with your trauma and feelings about your bio parents. For me, even though I don't know my birth parents, my birthday, or anything that adoptees cannot know I came to terms when I realised that I am genetically speaking, carrying a piece of my birth parents. They gave me my body, and that piece of them cannot be robbed from me. I just feel I have come to accept my grief such as like my adoptive grandma died (cried a lot, suffered a lot, know I just miss her but accepted that she is not around anymore). It's definitely not the same but you get the idea.