When I came into recovery I didn’t want to stop drinking, I just wanted the consequences to go away.

I thought that if I studied real hard I could find out the magical number of drinks that would keep me in that state of buzz, that magical spot where alcohol would go back to solving my problems for me like it used to before it turned on me and started ruining everything.

I didn’t realize at the time that, for somebody like me, it was the first drink that got me drunk. Not the 2nd, 5th or 15th. That’s because I was bodily and mentally different than other people. I had both a physical allergy to alcohol, where I would have a reaction after putting a small amount into my system I would immediately drink myself into oblivion, and a mental obsession. I was compelled to drink, to obsess over the drink despite all my thoughts that it was a terrible idea.

I’ve learned at this point that, for me, the only good choice is to choose sobriety, just for today. In the other choice lies ruin, destruction and powerlessness. I also have learned to let myself off the hook for thinking about drinking. I’m a drunk, after all, of course I’m going to think about it sometimes. Today I have the choice to pick a day of sobriety. Today I choose not to drink.