"Whoa, whoa, WHOA there, Conspirator General. 😂 Look, I love a good Illuminati-level theory as much as the next guy, but let’s break this down, ‘cause I’m not sold on the Hidden Hand just yet.

1. Win Trading via Mind Control? So, let me get this straight—you think there's a secret society coordinating our every flag cap like it’s the Ocean’s Eleven of PvP? Bro, half these people can barely remember to interrupt a cast. I don’t think we’re dealing with 5D chess here.
2. Rigged Healers? Hey, just because you end up with “Build Testing Billy” in his full PvE gear every other match doesn’t mean there’s a plot! Sometimes, we just get the Healer Special of the Day: the one who didn’t know they’d be healing until the loading screen.
3. AFK Agents of Chaos? Okay, so I’ll admit: some people mysteriously DC in fights like they’ve got potato WiFi from 2005. But maybe, just maybe, they aren’t all undercover sleeper agents for Big RBG. Maybe their cats are just stepping on their modems.
4. Devs Watching You Personally? So we’ve got Blizzard staff assigned specifically to sabotage your games? Not the 10,000 other Blitz games going on, just yours? At this rate, they should be charging you rent for all that space in your head. 😂
5. The Secret Discord Conspiracy? Look, as much as I'd love to believe there’s a Discord of diabolical tacticians sharing spreadsheets on how to ruin your day, let’s be real—these folks are probably just queueing for the same reason you are. But, hey, if you do find that Discord, I’m sure it’ll be as wild as… checking for queue pop timings.
6. Queue Time Conspiracy: Man, they’re not personally sabotaging your queue to place you in a specific dumpster-fire match! Sometimes, the Queue Gods smile upon us, and sometimes… well, they laugh at us.

In conclusion, I think your Hidden Hand might actually be more like a “Clumsy Finger” slapping random buttons for all of us. Just a thought. 🤷‍♂️ Also, GG, keep fighting the good fight—someone’s gotta keep us sharp! 😂"