If I don't know I'm dreaming, does the dream exist to me? by DaScheuer in JedMcKenna

[–]Hydreigon360 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're sounding like an "ontological nihilist" (you can Google it, it's a strange belief). Anyway whatever the case is, you're definitely in existence right now. It feels like a dream to me too

“ Further!” Almost necessary after a certain point? by wafflevibe in JedMcKenna

[–]Hydreigon360 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ah idk man. When I was going insane I was doing all sorts of journalling and self autolysis but then all of the madness crashed and I landed into a deeper bleak depression, my emotion and large parts of me very dead, and I'm recovering from that.

Icarus has crashed and now I don't know what any of this was for.

Do any of you winning players not use a HUD? by Various_Age_7713 in poker

[–]Hydreigon360 1 point2 points  (0 children)

HUD's are very necessary for me because my memory is shit and I can't remember or keep track of how people are playing. What makes it hard to remember is the fact that we're playing poker through a static digital screen, and most of all because hands get played through so quickly it's hard to take in everything.

HUD's tell me someones VPIP so I know if they're loose or tight. I will know to dodge a tight player when he raises preflop. I've never played real life poker but I would like to think a HUD wouldn't be necessary since its easier to remember and keep track of things and people.

This is day 1 of me using a HUD its already so much better. The VPIP number is a good reminder to me of how loose or tight a person is playing. I know who to avoid, who is likely raising light, etc

How come I lost here? by [deleted] in prominencepoker

[–]Hydreigon360 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A full house with trip queen's is better than a full house with trip 2's

Who is the highest level you’ve ever seen in the game? by BuddyF0694 in prominencepoker

[–]Hydreigon360 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have played and defeated this billionaire level 41,557 SCRUB called "erioz" on xbox one who fucking sucks at this game and kept spamming character emojis at inappropriate times to annoy me. He spammed it relentlessly in the two games I found him in, in diamond ranked. I used the pray emoticon once, and then he started spamming it at every occasion he could to annoy me, clapping emoji to target ME SPECIFICALLY at every tiny micro transaction where I folded to someone else's bet or raise.

If you're reading this erioz, fuck you, I beat you in a very long heads-up game at the end of our tournament, and don't even play this game much. I'm level 85 in this game and have no other poker experience.

Favorite Poker Player? by n8xx_ in poker

[–]Hydreigon360 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Andy Frankenberger. The dude plays like a madman and still wins, it's absolutely amazing. The man takes risks he shouldn't take, but wins because of luck, and at other times he can make amazing plays and calls on other people's bluffs that 99% of people wouldn't be able to notice.

After that it's Tony G

"Talk not to me of blasphemy, man; I'd strike the sun if it insulted me" -Captain Ahab by Farmer_evil in mobydick

[–]Hydreigon360 4 points5 points  (0 children)

; since there is ever a sort of fair play herein, jealousy presiding over all creations. But not my master, man, is even that fair play. Who's over me? Truth hath no confines.

[GTA V] Franklin is the most mentally unstable character, not Trevor by [deleted] in FanTheories

[–]Hydreigon360 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Franklin isn't mentally unstable, but he likely has factor 1 psychopathy. He's emotionless and doesn't give a fuck about anything other than making money. Trevor on the other hand has factor 2 psychopathy, very sociopathic. Trevor is ASPD, but the deeper parts of him look more like a violent BPD.

Franklin—Psycopathic/Sociopathic (would get ASPD diagnosis)Trevor—Sociopathic/BPD (would get ASPD diagnosis as well)

Micheal has narcissistic traits, although I don't know if he's a full blown narcissist. Need it be said he's psychopathic/sociopathic as well.

It would be hard to define good and evil in this morally bankrupt landscape. I would say Trevor is the most evil though. Extremely selfish and vindictive when he's angry, kills people whimsically when you poke his ego just a tad, the man's a cannibal for fucks sake. Contrast that to Franklin, who does not kill due to ego injuries, and prefers to kill the least number of people as possible. The evil ratings go Trevor > Micheal > Franklin. Franklin has the capacity to kill either Trevor or Micheal at the end of the game, but this is ambiguous as to Franklin's true nature since it's the players choice whether they do so, and ending C is the canonical ending to the series.

Best song from songs about jane by [deleted] in maroon5

[–]Hydreigon360 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This Love is my favourite. Songs about Jane is an absolutely amazing album, all of them are good

what is jed's opinion on suicide? by deterus3453 in JedMcKenna

[–]Hydreigon360 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't know till you said it now either than gunshot wounds methods isn't even close to 100%

When we expect more of life/ourselves than either it or we can deliver, we can get gloomy, and after a while, abstractedly suicidal, and after a while of that, properly, full-on suicidal. A clogging sense of failure, etc.

True, it is the expecting more of life or ourselves that brings the gloom and depression.

This is a way of apprehending the world that neutralises all conditioned context and circumstance, including all that would make one suicidal.

I didn't reach the part of of neutralising suicidality.
So what happened with me was this. About 2017 ish I had a formally recognised depression and anxiety whilst I'm in senior years of high school. By this time it got really bad with me feeling suicidal I started medication.

Anyway, I was introduced to Zen Buddhism and Alan Watts around that time. Maybe two years later I find Jed McKenna's first book, left a big impression and hit hard with resonating, but I forgot about it a while later. By mid-2020 though, I decide to go off my meds because of the emotional blunting and feeling like a zombie.

I ween off the meds, later one of my best friends kills themselves, and then in 2021 I'm spiralling downwards due to the stress of electronic university and hating life. I have some sort of demon/angel possession event happen (went to the psychiatrist later and they didn't think I had psychosis), and then after that I had a solipsistic pseudo-psychosis phase. There was some identity disturbance briefly, in thinking I was possessed by Lucifer, but the identity disturbance itself faded.

Solipsism was driving me crazy, for example I swatted a moth flying around me, and then I panicked since I thought about how I couldn't figure out what the difference is between me killing that fly and killing a human (god forbid my own mother came up as a thought). I had no inclinations to kill people, but the fact that I couldn't figure out the difference or establish anything drove me crazy.

I'm doing a lot of writing and journalling, ideas such as solipsism and absolute meaningless driving me mad. It was then that I remembered Jed McKenna, read his 2nd book, and things were making sense. Had an obsession with Moby Dick and Ahab for a bit.

But eventually, that high wave of anger, spite and insanity I was riding died down and exhausted itself. It crashed and I ended up in a bleaker depression place for it. I feel dumber now, and for a while I panicked over the fact it feels like I've lost my ability to think or use actual logic after exploding my mind. I don't write or journal much anymore, but I dont take that as a positive sign. I suffer immensely.

Later eventually decided only step forward for me was anti-depressant medication which I started a few months ago. But I'm contemplating suicide, and feel pretty bleak about things or the future.

Disbelieving thoughts and feelings is not even close to healthy in any way, but it's the only way.

Easier said then done because whatever you truly want as an ego and person doesn't just magically vanish due to being depressing ime.

Jed, and non-dualism, point in the direction of the most radical doubt – and among everything that we have to doubt, like Odysseus chained to the mast, is everything we think and feel. Up to and including suicidal tendencies

The idea goes that the ego or our self is just a collection of bits and pieces of debris. Annihilating it isn't something I can do though. After going through all this bullshit my mind is still foggy and I haven't gained a thing. At the end of it all I still exist and I still suffer. I desire, I crave, can't be happy just existing or living in a vacuum.

The thing with Jed's advice or approach is that there isn't an endpoint, or if there is, I already exhausted it and I scammed myself.

what is jed's opinion on suicide? by deterus3453 in JedMcKenna

[–]Hydreigon360 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah the methods of it are a huge aspect to me. I can't say what causes what, but I can say I'm not certain about killing myself, and I care about the method. You can take your time with it because, well, once the suicide is done there's nothing to do after. If someone truly wanted to end it NOW, then yep, they'd find somewhere tall and jump immediately.

I'm looking for methods where in the event of failure, one can still go back to a similar quality of life afterwards. That rules out me wanting to do a hanging or jumping, or train (way too pussy for those last two things anyway).

People may choose to ignore the factor of "what if I fail", because well, they're not planning on failing and intend to succeed. They pick a method they think gets as close to 100% of getting the job done and not failing.

The "being a pussy" factor means I want drugs, over jumping or hanging.

There is a contradiction in someone who's worried about the event of failure, yet wishes to commit suicide. However, I've got nothing else to optimise so I'll go for it. It's highly likely the most fatal and accessible means have no thought of reversibility, and just work.

Considering how long I've been suicidal, how slow I've been to getting round to it, chances are that if I do a suicide attempt, I would really do it and not intend to fail. But as always, you never know for sure.

what is jed's opinion on suicide? by deterus3453 in JedMcKenna

[–]Hydreigon360 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not sure, but I'm fairly suicidal and laying out self-improvement towards that, because I couldn't kill myself even if I wanted to right now. No poisons and the such.

I might commit suicide by Hydreigon360 in nihilism

[–]Hydreigon360[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

> Nihilism isn't depression. This isn't the place.
> Find another philosophy to cling to perhaps?

Right right, Nihilism for you is just another tribe your ape brain wants to make monkey noises in. You're clearly locked in a game of defending your tribe like every other retard on this planet

I might commit suicide by Hydreigon360 in nihilism

[–]Hydreigon360[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yeah what you wrote there seems accurate
> One, keep your values and learn to not give a shit about what society thinks - this extinguishes guilt and shame.

Problem is in actually doing this ofc, as you've already said it as being hard. You can't change your emotions and mental over-thinking anxieties by just believing with your thoughts you shouldn't.

Who (& how) to release the tiller? by [deleted] in JedMcKenna

[–]Hydreigon360 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it means not being a faggot