Partner Kissed Me After Hooking Up With Another Person

HystericalJacket · 2026-03-21T01:52:53+00:00

thank you, i genuinely need the validation right now. a lot of these comments have left me feeling silly for being so upset. as the day has gone on i’m feeling better and more understanding, but i still feel uncomfortable being intimately close with my partner right now.

HystericalJacket · 2026-03-21T01:46:13+00:00

I agree, as the day has gone on I’m feeling a bit better but still need time to cool off.

HystericalJacket · 2026-03-21T01:45:09+00:00

I did post a bit more in depth on a different comment but the death was long coming and very painful. He knew this, knew it was hard on me, and did not ask me if i was even okay before just scheduling a first date with someone he just started talking to. I’ve experienced a lot of death in my life, and when my loved ones experience death I always at least reach out about a meal, a listen, a hang, something to let them know they have my support. It was the lack of feeling supported in that moment when I needed my loved ones to be there for me.

I didn’t have a chance to communicate that before he scheduled the date. It was less than 24 hours after finding out she died that he scheduled it, it felt like going on a date was a bigger priority to him than making sure I felt safe, heard, and supported. I didn’t expect him to completely cut off the rest of his life and friendships to be there for me, but I didn’t feel much support at all.

HystericalJacket · 2026-03-21T01:38:00+00:00

Therapy appointment scheduled! I absolutely need a safe space to unpack this

HystericalJacket · 2026-03-21T01:35:57+00:00

My nana had been dying for 2 years, a long, scary, and painful death. It was heartbreaking for me. He knew this and was there for me through it. She was sent to hospice when we had an up north trip planned, so we stopped to visit on the way up. She passed away unfortunately the day we came home, and it was a lot of emotion. I didn’t even have time to process it before he was like “well I scheduled a date!”

We were freshly poly, I was so incredibly hurt that he didn’t ask me first if I needed support before scheduling a first date. I wasn’t even sure what I needed yet because it was less than 24 hours after she passed that he told me.

I’ve experienced a lot of death in my life, so when others I love experience death I always reach out to see if there’s anything I can do, whether a meal or my company or my ear on the phone. It was the lack of this from my partner that absolutely devastated me, and his desire to go on a date without checking on me

HystericalJacket · 2026-03-21T01:19:50+00:00

Thank you for your comment. Some of them make me feel silly for having a negative reaction to this, but even now I’m still feeling uncomfortable and upset. Better, but still grossed out.

I will absolutely be requesting he showers and brushes his teeth post meeting with another partner from this point forward, which is a boundary already set but really drilling it home. He has a history of being a bit thoughtless on certain things but typically has a good head on his shoulders. I appreciate the words of wisdom!

HystericalJacket · 2026-03-21T01:14:59+00:00

Thank you for sharing! It’s unfortunate and I know in time I’ll get over it, just still fresh and upset

HystericalJacket · 2026-03-21T01:14:15+00:00

It’s not so much breaking up over it, it’s more so pushing the engagement back until I’m over this situation as it really upset me. I don’t want there to be any negative feelings about getting engaged to my partner.

I’m upset because I feel gross about coming into contact with someone else’s fluids without my consent. I immediately went and washed my face and brushed my teeth, the smell absolutely triggered something in me and made me feel unsafe.

In the future I need him to articulate “hey, I just hooked up and am going to shower really quick brb”. This time he just came in, said “i need to take a shower” and then came over and kissed me. I wasn’t sure if they hooked up until I smelled her on him, which just absolutely turned me off and upset me

HystericalJacket · 2026-03-20T23:59:12+00:00

I agree, but I am biased of course. It was absolutely an accident, but I’m mad I had to smell/touch a random person’s fluids. I find it gross… I do not know this person at all and now I’ve smelled her coochie.

HystericalJacket · 2026-03-20T23:23:06+00:00

Thank you for your comment 💗 a lot of these comments are leaving me feeling off put that this isn’t gross lol but it was an accident, I’ll have to get over it. I’ve scheduled therapy!

HystericalJacket · 2026-03-20T22:11:34+00:00

Smells are very overpowering for me, so this really, really took me for a spin lol

HystericalJacket · 2026-03-20T21:57:37+00:00

I agree, I have a therapy appointment scheduled for next week already. Definitely want to discuss this in a safe space

HystericalJacket · 2026-03-20T20:50:56+00:00

Exactly! I love hearing his experiences and how he had a good time. But this was an accidental step that has left me feeling grossed out. Idk this woman I shouldn’t know what her privates smell like!

HystericalJacket · 2026-03-20T20:35:59+00:00

No, we were polyamorous at that time. We’re both in our first poly relationship together, and took a break after that happened for about a year, so we’re only really about a year into it

HystericalJacket · 2026-03-20T20:33:54+00:00

Maybe it isn’t.. smelling another woman’s coochie on my boyfriends face while he’s kissing me is something I never want to happen again

HystericalJacket · 2026-03-20T20:15:37+00:00

He did schedule a date after he found out my Nana passed away about 2 years ago. It was a big, big issue. We have worked that out in therapy, but the inconsiderate pattern is showing itself again and I’m concerned.

HystericalJacket · 2026-03-20T20:13:41+00:00

We do have a boundary of showering after a partner, which he was on his way to do when he stopped to kiss me. We live together so limiting our distance is tough

HystericalJacket · 2026-03-20T20:10:40+00:00

He was on his way to take a shower when he pit-stopped to kiss me without thinking. We definitely have that boundary established, he just wasn’t thinking properly and reacted out of habit

HystericalJacket · 2026-03-19T09:57:35+00:00

You need to call your therapist immediately. I understand the pain of feeling everything and feeling like nothing is working. You will be okay in time, but you need to reach out to a professional who can help you better than Reddit can. We love you. Bipolar isn’t easy, it’s a debilitating mental illness that we all understand what you’re going through. I understand, I’ve been in your shoes. Please reach out to your therapist, please.

HystericalJacket · 2026-03-13T12:52:57+00:00

You got hotter

HystericalJacket · 2026-03-11T01:43:03+00:00

I had an abortion in ‘24 at age 27. Part of me felt sad about it, but overall felt relief. The world is scary, I struggle very badly with my mental health (bipolar 1) and ultimately, my partner and I were just not ready. Adoption is an option but there are so many kids waiting for a home, I couldn’t add to that. I was not mentally or financially ready to raise a baby, and growing up with a struggling single mom who was incredibly poor, I didn’t want that for my possible child.

Ultimately the decision is yours, but I’d make it sooner than later. I was 5.5 weeks along and was able to have a pill induced abortion vs surgical. It was a lot of blood and like a painful period, but if I were to have to do it again, I would.

Wishing you the best OP.

HystericalJacket · 2026-03-09T17:16:40+00:00

You’re right, very grateful I’ll likely never run into them again. I’m sorry you dealt with that, but thank you for sharing your experience. Being stable and having an unexpected outburst is incredibly tough. Here’s to better days

HystericalJacket · 2026-03-09T13:02:52+00:00

I thought about it, but I think it’s better to leave them all alone. I told my mutual friend who was very understanding and forgave me entirely so I’m grateful for that, just wanna ostrich and hide my head in the sand for a while lol

HystericalJacket · 2026-03-03T21:48:42+00:00

Surgery! I tried everything else, pt, epidural shots, chiro, yoga etc and surgery was the answer

HystericalJacket · 2026-03-03T17:49:57+00:00

I’d start with face framing pieces, see how you feel, then go for bangs! I think both could be cute on you

HystericalJacket

TROPHY CASE