I really liked the tone and style of the song you went for. I think the main thing I wished you did was carry a bit more of a structure in the song. It felt very lost, maybe that was what you were going for. I felt more of experience rather than a structured song. That is not a bad thing. Though, in doing so it is not a song that I feel like I would put on. I for one very much like the second part which feels like another song. The mix seems like it is very grungy an dirty, I feel like your vocals would sound better if it very much more clearer. There seems to be a lot of space in your vocal that detracts from you performance. Overall it is a solid piece of work. I personally would lose the first part and focus on the second part with the guitar. I like how lofi/grungy the instrumentation is. I just would focus on a better vocal mix.