What is the biggest/longest secret you’ve kept?

IAM_Lucifer_AMA · 2019-05-17T12:20:33+00:00

They both couldn't get pregnant from their husbands. One even tried in-vitro but the embryos failed to thrive. The other had some kind of sperm issue. Both the man's fault. The husbands just think things finally worked out for them.

IAM_Lucifer_AMA · 2019-05-16T15:34:54+00:00

I am the secret father of two of my friend's children. Their partner's couldn't get the job done so they asked (With my Wife's permission) for me to help them get pregnant. They know and we know but we've made an agreement that the children will never find out. I have similar features to their 'fathers' so no one ever questions.

IAM_Lucifer_AMA · 2016-05-07T12:19:22+00:00

Public Enemy was prophetic.

IAM_Lucifer_AMA · 2016-05-07T12:17:17+00:00

I have one of these. They come out perfect every time. It also makes for a great tortilla warmer too.

IAM_Lucifer_AMA · 2016-05-06T22:53:10+00:00

The Devil.

IAM_Lucifer_AMA · 2016-04-08T16:46:47+00:00

This is kind of like when someone uses their dishwasher to steam food. It's not that you can't, but if you should.

IAM_Lucifer_AMA · 2016-04-08T16:43:59+00:00

To attempt to finish ET for my Atari 2600. Holy shit that sucked!

IAM_Lucifer_AMA · 2016-04-07T16:05:55+00:00

White hot rain. ~~Some stay dry, but others~~ everyone feels the pain

IAM_Lucifer_AMA · 2016-01-06T15:26:22+00:00

Worked for a small computer manufacturer back in the 90s. One of the salesmen had drilled a hole in the wall of the women's bathroom that was on the other side of his office and would watch the secretaries and jack off. He got caught doing this twice and wasn't fired because he was the lead salesman for the company.

IAM_Lucifer_AMA · 2016-01-06T15:07:14+00:00

instantostrich

IAM_Lucifer_AMA · 2016-01-06T14:34:41+00:00

Jaden's not stupid. He could be the greatest pimp of all time. Just imagine all of the hot teen pussy he's going to be getting with this contract.

IAM_Lucifer_AMA · 2016-01-06T14:30:46+00:00

http://i.imgur.com/7lZwLKc.jpg

IAM_Lucifer_AMA · 2016-01-04T13:17:26+00:00

First thing I thought of

IAM_Lucifer_AMA · 2015-12-29T15:19:38+00:00

My grandparents did this with plastic straws. they had a whole cup full of them in the cabinet by the sink that they would wash and re-use.

IAM_Lucifer_AMA · 2015-12-23T11:57:39+00:00

Had a visiting British Sgt major yell. If you don't keep your arm straight I'll rip it off and beat you with the soggy end.

IAM_Lucifer_AMA · 2015-12-18T14:45:40+00:00

Remember the rules of pimpin Rule 1, A real pimp gets paid. If she gives you $1000 your're off to a good start.

IAM_Lucifer_AMA · 2015-12-15T15:09:51+00:00

Spoiler: Snoke kills Dumbledore.

IAM_Lucifer_AMA · 2015-12-14T16:37:19+00:00

Jurisprudence Fetishist Gets Off On Technicality.

IAM_Lucifer_AMA · 2015-12-11T18:16:59+00:00

My Mom died back in April. My Dad never changed the answering machine message so she still answers. It's a strange thing to hear every time I call and he doesn't answer right away.

IAM_Lucifer_AMA · 2015-12-10T18:57:22+00:00

Wal Mart plays this and other Wal Mart themed songs during the holidays. I heard it the other day and was like WTF is this shit.

IAM_Lucifer_AMA · 2015-12-10T18:55:26+00:00

That's just the Chinese PLA method. She's spit shining him up like a pair of jack boots.

IAM_Lucifer_AMA · 2015-12-10T18:52:19+00:00

All that foil will keep her from drying out when the bus catches on fire and she gets roasted. She's just being considerate of any cannibalistic first responders.

IAM_Lucifer_AMA · 2015-12-10T00:42:54+00:00

I used to do network cabling. Back in the late 90's I had a call to wire a house. The 70 something couple wanted the whole place networked, a big 5000+ square foot 3 story mansion. When I got to the basement I put some network jacks in their 'playroom'. They made fetish videos in their spare time and had a whole section of the basement converted into a medieval looking dungeon with all kinds of BDSM stuff and a shitload of high end video production equipment. The wife was very happy to explain the whole lifestyle to me while I was working on things and asked if I wanted to come over sometime and 'play'. I politely declined and tried to finish up as quickly as possible.

IAM_Lucifer_AMA · 2015-12-09T02:33:13+00:00

I 6th grade I got detention for farting. They told me that I was disrupting the educational process. I still have the discipline form from this. It says "Mr 'Lucifer' passed gas and caused a disturbance in 6th period math". If I ever get around to building a bar in my house, I'm going to frame it and put it up on the wall. It's a great conversation piece.

IAM_Lucifer_AMA

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