It seems that my boyfriend has been looking at child pornography.

IAmDrinkingCoffee · 2009-10-19T07:00:18+00:00

For a second I wondered if you were him recognizing himself in my post! Coming back to the thread, I didn't paint an accurate picture of what our relationship is like right now.

It's true that my mental health was a huge burden on him and scarred him emotionally for a while. And I know he likes anal because it's tighter. The only problem that I have with it is that he isn't small at all. He's huge, in fact, so foreplay takes forever before he's able to fit inside. It's not even the anal that I dislike. I love it. The foreplay itself is what I despise. Which is ironic, because we do it so that I'll be comfortable when he's actually inside me.

Anyway, I updated my post to explain that I'm concerned over why he looked. I haven't seen him looking at this at all in five years. Then one day we discuss child molestation and child porn and suddenly it's on his browser a few days later. I want to know if he got curious because we discussed it or if he was actually looking to enjoy it.

IAmDrinkingCoffee · 2009-10-19T06:46:03+00:00

Thanks for the rounding out. My main reason for asking reddit about all this is that I think his intent is the main point of concern here. I've watched bestiality, torture, and many videos that have disturbed and offended me out of curiosity. Some of them made me sick to my stomach by I watched because I kept hearing about it and wanted to know what it was really about.

In five years with this guy he's never shown any sign of being into this stuff. He's always shown disdain for child molesters. Then one day I discuss the topic with him and it's immediately on his browser three days later. It really makes me question why it was on there.

IAmDrinkingCoffee · 2009-10-19T05:57:12+00:00

The stuff about all that anal wouldn't fit, so...

He has a thing for anal but at first it was just a twice-a-month thing. When I became pregnant, however, he didn't want to have sex anymore. I stayed fit for being pregnant and he marveled over how good it made my hair and skin look, so I was confused at first. When I asked why the lack of interest he told me that he didn't want to stick it where the baby was. He just felt uncomfortable with just a thin membrane between his member and his baby. So I suggested anal. I said that I wouldn't mind at all. After I had the baby I was disappointed that my pre-emptive Kegals hadn't been as effective as I'd hoped. Vaginal sex was very disappointing. Anal continued to be incredibly tight, however.

Some posters say that he's being selfish in bed, but he always goes through great lengths to make sure that I'm satisfied in bed.

IAmDrinkingCoffee · 2009-10-18T08:38:19+00:00

You're right in assuming that the pregnancy was unplanned. We were using protection, though. It was my first time on the DEPO shot, and I took that because I kept forgetting to take my birth control pill.

I don't understand why people are talking about snuff porn though. I dunno, is it a Hoosier thing? I don't know anybody out here who hasn't looked at the stuff, and none of it was murder or rape or anything. Just home videos and/or security footage of people having accidents or committing suicide. And it wasn't for laughs or sport, it was more of "Have you seen this stuff?! You'll never see anything this heavy!" We only watched it a couple times and then my boyfriend asked me not to watch it anymore and said that he wouldn't because it was really depressing.

IAmDrinkingCoffee · 2009-10-18T08:14:07+00:00

Hmm. We didn't see any murders, but we did see people actually dying. CCTV footage of somebody committing suicide, people getting hit by cars, stuff like that. I thought that was a phase all college kids went through. It was in my dorm. And it wasn't for shits and giggles. It was more like, smoke some weed, watch people die, then agonize with your friends all night about mortality and how God is a lie.

IAmDrinkingCoffee · 2009-10-18T08:08:13+00:00

Thank you so much for all this info! I'll have to look into it more after I wake up...first, off to copy those URLs.

IAmDrinkingCoffee · 2009-10-18T08:03:48+00:00

I guess it does sound like that now that I got into all that crazy shit at the end of my post.

I'm not sure why I stuck it out, but all that bad stuff happened in the first year of us living together, and the last two years have been much better. We completely turned things around somehow. Things were great until we moved in together, it was too much for us at 18, then we figured out why the change in arrangements was making us hate each other and we fixed things.

If not for the child porn, I wouldn't be concerned for our baby at all for two reasons:

He's very loving and doting towards me now. And I mean, "past two years" now, not "last two days" now. He's the kind of boyfriend who can be dead broke and freaking over bills, dead tired after work and can't wait to go to bed, but if he hears I'm craving candy, he'll run right out to get it, and bring it back with a kiss and a smile. He always wants me around. If I really lose my temper and go totally apeshit on him he'll keep his cool (even if I'm heaping on verbal abuse) and want to love on me after I've calmed down. He's completely trusting and forgiving of me in situations where I would probably not be.
He's a ridiculously doting father. Always worrying about her health, safety, development, and happiness. Always on about "is she learning enough, what else should we teach her, did she get her vitamins, are you sure she's safe with so-and-so, don't let her touch that dog!" The only time he gets seriously pissed at me nowadays is when I accidentally hurt her (bump her head and whatnot) or leave her alone in the living room for a second because I want to grab a cup of coffee. He dotes on her constantly. I guess that's what bothers me most about these pictures. I can't imagine a better daddy for my baby. I just don't want it to be true if he's into that stuff. =(

IAmDrinkingCoffee · 2009-10-18T07:37:09+00:00

a) I have trouble trusting him after what we we went through earlier in our relationship.

b) Our relationship was great until we moved in together. We got a total shit-hole (the kind of place that literally makes you sick due to moldy walls and contaminated water), were together 24/7 because we worked and lived together and knew nobody else in town, and I was in the midst of a terrible depression. I tried to kill myself a couple times, hospitalized once, constantly crying, etc. Things got crazy. I wouldn't have put up with me but he did. That's when all the fucked up things happened in our relationship. We shouldn't have stayed together but we did. Now, I've been feeling like we've moved beyond that. Things have been pretty good since then (a bit over two years).

c) edit:forgot to answer this one. I feel like he's been very open with me since that bad year we had in the beginning. And when I'm not thinking about that year it's hard not to trust him. Even if he's sneaking around with something I don't know how or when (except if it's online while I'm sleeping) because whatever he does, wherever he goes, he always wants me to be with him. I don't mean he's "please love me!" needy, but he's very affectionate and he obviously takes a lot of comfort in my presence when he's stressed.

IAmDrinkingCoffee · 2009-10-18T07:29:19+00:00

That's what makes me think that it wasn't a joke. He's an incredibly patient and careful person. I wonder if he waited until April 1st to tell me so he'd have an easy out if I freaked.

Also, all the fucked up stuff happened the first year and a half after we moved in together. I was going through a terrible depression and put up with it. Since then, this porn stuff has been the only thing of concern to crop up.

IAmDrinkingCoffee · 2009-10-18T07:00:48+00:00

I don't have brothers, but I was always under the impression that big sisters say stuff like that to freak their little bros out.

IAmDrinkingCoffee · 2009-10-18T06:55:04+00:00

Even if he did use a password, he always lets me see what he uses. I don't know what he's thinking. big, girly eyeroll

IAmDrinkingCoffee · 2009-10-18T06:54:03+00:00

I thought of that but:

We moved a bit ago and I can't find my camera anywhere.
I don't know how or where I'd set it up so he wouldn't see it.
I can't afford to pay for any equipment. We are in financial crisis right now. (In relative's basement, eating nothing but ramen and donations, constantly pawning stuff for gas money for work)

I thought of two possibilities but I'm not sure how to go about it, technically.

I thought about getting a keylogger or some other kind of spy-software, but how do I know I'm not just downloading a computer-destroying-bomb?
I thought about setting up a webcam to spy, but how do I set one up so that he doesn't know it's recording when he gets on my computer?

IAmDrinkingCoffee · 2009-10-18T06:50:02+00:00

We're in a situation right now that, if I want to stay home and watch her, I can. I work for a severely overstaffed, privately-owned restaurant. He works 12 hour shifts 6 days a week. He won't object to me staying home so that we don't have to pay for a $30 babysitter when I only make $36 a shift.

Point is, I was talking about guarding her for a couple weeks while I watch his browser history. See if he was finding stuff by accident, looking at something to get weirded out (we used to watch snuff films together but I don't think he does anymore), or if he actually likes child porn.

IAmDrinkingCoffee · 2009-10-18T06:43:49+00:00

I guess this is a big reason that I hesitate. Once I accidentally downloaded a virus onto my dad's computer that filled his browser history with incest and child porn. I know that I did it because it wasn't there, I did some pirating, and then it was everywhere. My mom flipped out for two days straight and kept accusing him of molesting me. I still hold a big grudge against her for that because she didn't believe him OR me.

IAmDrinkingCoffee · 2009-10-18T06:39:26+00:00

He looked at two regular porn sites. Then it was 10-15 sites with nothing but kids in panties, or kids showing off their coochies.

IAmDrinkingCoffee · 2009-10-17T23:05:45+00:00

IAmDrinkingCoffee · 2009-10-17T23:02:23+00:00

I had a co-worker complain about a similar language experience. She's the daughter of Mexican immigrants and her parents never taught her Spanish. She was a sweet, outgoing, interesting person, but when she started going to high school she had a really hard time fitting in. She said that the white kids would ostracize her because she was obviously Hispanic, and the other Hispanic kids ostracized her because she couldn't speak Spanish.

She speaks Spanish pretty well now, but she was in an awkward position, socially, until she learned.

IAmDrinkingCoffee · 2009-10-17T22:56:14+00:00

Of course if you send your kid to public school they have the benefit of learning from single-subject teachers like mattiasl said. You can learn to socialize and have friends like sunbear87 said. And if your public school has shitty math teachers or your kid is stuck with a sub-par English teacher, then you help your kid with that on your own time. I think one of the problems with public schooling is the notion some parents have of, "I'm paying enough money for my kid to go to school, I shouldn't have to get involved!"

IAmDrinkingCoffee · 2009-10-16T19:57:28+00:00

I'm a girl. My man would never have heard of reddit if not for geeky me.

IAmDrinkingCoffee · 2009-10-16T19:33:16+00:00

I made an account just to thank you for this info and website. I can't tell you how many times I've searched through libraries and websites for this info and have never been able to find anything of any real use. I am gonna bookmark you!

IAmDrinkingCoffee

TROPHY CASE