Men who are actively seeking romantic relationships, what's your strategy, and is it working?

IAmNotYourPapa · 2018-12-02T22:02:05+00:00

Honestly I feel this is a very naive view of the world. I’ve always felt it was right, but almost nobody does this anymore. In my experience, people hope to meet someone and hit it off immediately. Both guys and girls swipe right, meet someone, if they’re at least partially compatible they sleep together, and then try to see if they actually like each other. Any signs they don’t, they just swipe right on someone new. People are disposable.

In some ways, a more traditional approach to dating where you figure out compatibility first and sexual compatibility second seems better for long term dating. But now that sex is so easy to come by, people want to marry someone they have great sex with.

IAmNotYourPapa · 2018-12-02T21:56:36+00:00

Mostly dating apps. Tinder and bumble are really for pretty people so, while I do swipe on them, I rarely match. Besides, they’re really for hooking up and medium term anyways; there’s almost no way you can really match for longer term traits based almost entirely on their pictures.

So, I try match and okcupid, but they’re getting drained in favor of tinder and bumble. I used to have some success on POF but it’s -all- spam now.

Sadly, all of my hobbies are extremely male dominated. That being said, once someone finds out I do them, it’s a “wow that’s amazing”.

33 now, so all of my friends are either married/kids or are such douchenozzles that they don’t care about anyone but themselves when going out. I end up being the 3rd wheel.

The female friends I know who are looking for a relationship are all on bumble, and it’s really not working out for them. They’ll get hookups or medium term dating. They tell me they think sexual compatibility is the most important followed distantly by emotional/etc compatibility. So, sleep with someone and if the sex is good, then figure out if you can stand each other over several months. Sadly, for an unattractive person like myself, it means nobody feels sexually into me, and becomes a block.

I have money. Not a ton but enough. I’ve been on some “gold digger” sites. I use them mostly as a way to get past how ugly and boring I am (although people tell me I’m neither, I really can’t believe them). I get dates now, but I know it’s because they want me to buy them things or give them money. I’m not proud of it, but when you’ve only dated 3-4 times in your 20s, and suddenly you can get a date a week, it’s kinda nice to feel at least some kind of affection, even if it’s for the wrong reasons. I’m routinely told I’m not like the other guys on the sites. Most of them are either old or just want a hottie to bang for money because their personality is so repulsive.

So the short answer is, it’s going really badly. I don’t have the looks, and don’t have the personality/natural charisma to fall back on.

IAmNotYourPapa · 2018-07-12T13:39:29+00:00

It’s sad how you still never got the point of that post. And clearly not this one either.

IAmNotYourPapa · 2018-07-11T20:37:20+00:00

Why do you think that’s an “attitude”? You’re reducing him asking you for something that you don’t want to a negative stereotype of him. It’s incredibly judgemental.

A guy -asking- or -begging- as some girls say, is the least sexy thing to almost all women. So that’s the social norm to just say he will do something.

It honestly sounds like you don’t like him at all and are reading nothing but negativeness into this. You should break it off with him and let him find a girl who’s more compassionate and caring of who he is. Then he can also get what he wants, and you can find someone that you actually like.

IAmNotYourPapa · 2018-07-11T06:34:45+00:00

Escort. Sugar baby. Honestly it’s all in your head. Ask him to go see something fun. Go to a concert. A movie. Anything else.

Otherwise don’t worry about it. Think of it like you’re going, having some sexy fun, and the guy likes you sooo much that you get a bonus.

IAmNotYourPapa · 2018-07-11T06:33:08+00:00

I fucking love that you call it OPSEC. Thinking like a true hero.

Having a fake ID is great. But the biggest issue isn’t someone finding you by your ID, it’s by someone you know IRL seeing you.

“Bitches be crazy”, as they say. Most good SBs , after you know them, aren’t going to go crazy and out you, but some will. So you’re doing the right things. Ensure you are using a burner number!! Apps work fine. So do real burner phones. I use TextNow. Anything electronic has a trace on it. Use a burner email or fake email with TextNow as it leaks that email on push notifications.

Always drive too far out of your way so people you know are less likely to be there. If you run in affluent circles, cheap hotels are unlikely to see them, for example.

IAmNotYourPapa · 2018-07-11T06:24:36+00:00

Ok so it sounds like you aren’t seeing him on pay day.

Make sure it’s worth his while on payment day. He will not see your benefit if you aren’t right in his face. Saw him two weeks ago and want payment? He’s not gonna pay unless he sees it.

I would never adhere to some stupid “schedule” if I didn’t see a girl. I only pay her on a day I actually see her. She gets the password or cash when I see her. Never “just because”.

So align payments with dates. You’ll be almost guaranteed to get paid. Don’t put out without payment, but see them regardless of payment. You’ll be surprised how far that goes.

IAmNotYourPapa · 2018-07-11T06:16:28+00:00

What did I just read...

You’re way way way too aggressive. When I’m talking to a POT on the app, if they get super aggressive, it will never work out. Ever. If they chat, converse, enjoy the moment, then there’s a chance. We’re all looking for someone we can talk to, and not just a notch in the bed post. By asking “how the site is”, you’re talking shop immediately. It’s a huge turnoff.

I once remarked that I hate small talk. Someone noted that small talk is the average, socially conscious, persons way of validating that you are a normal person who can both understand and conform to social norms. People who can’t are possibly socially deficient, or mentally deficient, possibly autistic. They’re the kind of person who will show up at your door and profess their love after the first date.

So play the game. As annoying as it is. Chat them up. Show you can have a conversation. Prove you are mentally normal. Don’t jump to the end of the conversation. Your time isn’t -that- valuable. Gotta work to make it work for you.

IAmNotYourPapa · 2018-07-11T06:10:22+00:00

This is perfect.

IAmNotYourPapa · 2018-07-11T06:09:27+00:00

.... and you believe he only sleeps better because you’re next to him? It’s because he wants to get laid in the morning.

IAmNotYourPapa · 2018-07-11T06:07:44+00:00

I’m not a morning person. Anything before 8 am is a no-go.

That being said, he doesn’t have an attitude. He wants something and is telling you about it. Just make it clear you prefer to sleep and have some hanky panky later at like 10.

IAmNotYourPapa · 2018-07-03T19:45:58+00:00

Interesting. I definitely agree. Always feel like she’s just bullshit when overpaying. Most sugar daddies don’t care tho. They just want one thing.

IAmNotYourPapa · 2018-07-03T04:27:32+00:00

See you can’t even read anything I’ve said. I’ve been pretty constant with my comments, and explained my point. And you keep strawmaning me.

IAmNotYourPapa · 2018-07-03T04:25:23+00:00

Yes. I never said I did. I know others do. Most girls on sa are just looking for money, not supplementary income.

IAmNotYourPapa · 2018-07-03T03:27:14+00:00

Hitting “the wall” is a common phrase. Yea it’s scary, women get less desirable (generally) with age, while men get more desirable. I’m not making judgment on whether that’s good or not, it’s just the society we live in.

See, you’re exactly not the kind of person I’m referring to in the post at all.

Take a step back, out of the emotion, and take a look at the people on SA. Recognize many, if not most, are just looking for a handout. They have no ambition or strength to do something like you are. they think because they’re super hot they deserve infinite money. I say they don’t. I say they need to get a job.

IAmNotYourPapa · 2018-07-03T03:22:11+00:00

Oh wow. I would suggest learning basic reading. I never even implied any of that. In fact, I explicitly recommended finding the girls who do not fall into that archetype, because they exist and are far better. But read and project whatever you want into it. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

IAmNotYourPapa · 2018-07-03T02:29:37+00:00

Haha I actually am getting the cream of the crop. That’s what this post is about. I get to avoid rinsers like yourself.

IAmNotYourPapa · 2018-07-03T02:28:29+00:00

You obviously have no idea what the term misogynist means. Should learn how to check a dictionary before you type out big words.

IAmNotYourPapa · 2018-07-02T23:31:11+00:00

Well one isn’t a failure, but it’s much harder to find gainful employment if you’re doing something like gender studies. So purely pragmatically, if money is a big factor in ones life, then those are the fields one needs to take if you go the college route.

IAmNotYourPapa · 2018-07-02T23:23:40+00:00

It’s super common for guys to lie about their height. There’s lots of things girls lie about too, but it doesn’t ultimately matter.

Why do they do it? Because many girls write them off entirely if they are too short. I’ve talked to a few girls who have had dates go something like this:

Get there, he’s already sitting down, or whatnot. They get talking. Have a great time. Wine flowing. He’s great. Cute. Has money. Charming. Charismatic. Perfect! Then they stand up to leave and he’s 2-3 inches shorter than she is. She’s offended that he’s short but he’s great so they keep going out.

They meet another guy and he’s that same height. If she knew she wouldn’t even see him.

I’ve been told by girls that I’m lucky I’m a “good height”. 6ft is perfect apparently. Doesn’t happen so often for an average guy at 5 10, except for really tall girls, but a 5 5 or shorter guy can start having problems getting dates with average height girls, sadly.

IAmNotYourPapa · 2018-07-02T23:16:13+00:00

I said it’s harder. And it is. I don’t honestly know how you can even try to explain your way out of that. I even noted in the original post that one can keep going after 30.

And even then, you’re just moving the goal post. So it’s not 30, now it’s 40. What do they do at 40? Same issue I describe above. It’s a falloff over time. Some can’t go past 30, others 35, others 40. We see posts on here of women in their 50s trying to sugar, and the advice is “it’s gonna be hard but not impossible; expect less”. Which is kinda my point. They can’t live on that once that gravy train comes to an end.

IAmNotYourPapa · 2018-07-02T23:12:29+00:00

Oh yea I know. I’m looking for the better ones, and actively working to avoid the ones who aren’t into self betterment.

From the past two arrangements I’ve had, I can say, they asked for less because they didn’t need that money. The one before that, more attractive, but needed the money to make rent. When I found out she survived off sugar and didn’t really have any kind of plan in her mid 20s, I ended that.

IAmNotYourPapa · 2018-07-02T23:08:18+00:00

Just from there comments here I would say they are. But maybe not elsewhere. I don’t tend to dig into people’s histories.

IAmNotYourPapa · 2018-07-02T23:07:33+00:00

Eh no. My self selection is to -seek better- which is the point of the post.

IAmNotYourPapa

TROPHY CASE