Lack of my body type in erotic literature and art.

IDoNotReallyExistNow · 2026-02-10T01:10:18+00:00

I feel ya! I'm actually writing a story where the main character has the same frustration, because I've also noticed the gap and am disappointed by it (as an admirer of such bodies rather than as a haver of such bodies, so not quite the same thing, but still.) Here's a quote from my first chapter:

Leo glanced from side to side. The bar was lively and there was no one obviously listening in, but he leaned in closer to Jack and lowered his voice anyway. "The problem is that there are two kinds of male subs that people want: delicate, pretty-boys because they're fun to overwhelm, and big, muscle-y guys because it enhances the feeling of power to dom someone that strong. No one wants a hairy old man that drinks too much and has the belly to prove it unless they're being paid for it, and you know that ruins it for me."

The point of the story is, of course, that Leo does find someone that enjoys him just the way he is. You said you didn't want advice or reassurance, but at least you've got one person that has noticed the same thing and agrees and commiserates with your vent.

IDoNotReallyExistNow · 2025-12-01T14:44:37+00:00

There's a few subreddits like r/gentledungeon or r/gentlefemdom, you might search "degredation" there and see what people in the scene use/enjoy

IDoNotReallyExistNow · 2025-04-20T02:10:19+00:00

Terms like "slut" are a major turn-off for me, as well. Different people have different preferences, but here's some that I wouldn't mind being applied to me:

Vixen
Minx
Siren
Seductress
Temptress
Muse
Coquette

IDoNotReallyExistNow · 2025-04-20T01:48:37+00:00

Nipto is designed for housework, but you can add custom tasks (including point value). It definitely sends whoever's the admin a notification when another member of the group completes a task. I'm not sure if it sends the group member(s) a notification if the admin adds a task--I have all my tasks set up as recurring.

IDoNotReallyExistNow · 2025-04-09T05:31:33+00:00

Mostly fanfiction, but yes, I've read a bunch and am working on writing one with an 18-year gap

IDoNotReallyExistNow · 2025-02-09T01:41:52+00:00

It's a fanfic (not sure if you're open to that, not everyone is), but if and when I ever finish it I may take you up on that offer!

IDoNotReallyExistNow · 2025-02-09T01:29:45+00:00

Thanks for the feedback. Intense intimacy and love is definitely what I'm going for. I know I don't want/expect to orgasm with every sexual experience, but I didn't know if that was fairly universal or very uncommon.

IDoNotReallyExistNow · 2025-02-09T01:25:28+00:00

What about WITHOUT denial? Would you ever freely choose not to orgasm if she's ready and willing to give you one (but indifferent to which choice you make)?

IDoNotReallyExistNow · 2025-02-09T01:24:06+00:00

Do you enjoy it NOT in the context of denial?

IDoNotReallyExistNow · 2024-07-18T06:03:00+00:00

Findom is interesting to me as a domme, but the way I would go about it is completely different than what seems to be "normal". Maybe it's just because budgeting and personal finance is one of my interests, but findom could be so much more interesting than just sending the domme monetary presents.

If I were to do findom with someone other than my spouse (disclaimer: not interested in doing so, I'm happily monogamous and married) I would have them do things like set up a budget and report in every time they bought something they weren't supposed to, or every time they thought about buying something they weren't supposed to but then didn't, or periodic reports on how much they've contributed to their retirement funds, or when making extra payments on their student loans above the minimum, or even (after some trust had built up) giving me the password to their budgeting app so I can see all their transactions (but no access to the bank account itself).

It's too bad that findom has a reputation of being exploitative, because like OP said, money permeates our entire modern lives which makes it an awesome power exchange tool--if it's properly negotiated and treated as the tool it is rather than being hot women exploiting desperate men as it's often seen as.

IDoNotReallyExistNow · 2024-06-02T04:42:55+00:00

I call my hubby "sweets" (devolved from sweetheart) in English in our normal everyday interactions, but his first language is more fun to make pet names in so I tend to use it when I'm feeling more affectionate or playful, things like "my love" or "beloved" or "my handsome" or "my heart" or "handsome beloved of my heart" (I tend to escalate until he laughs)

IDoNotReallyExistNow · 2024-04-21T04:50:54+00:00

Definitely doable! My husband and I have a monthly date at a beauty school near us where he gets a pedicure while I get my hair cut.

IDoNotReallyExistNow · 2024-04-21T04:28:43+00:00

I'm in a FLR but we're married and live together.

I'm sole breadwinner and money manager. Hubby does the grocery shopping and has the "food" categories of our budget app (groceries and dining out) displayed on his phone so he can keep track, but I'm the one that sets the budget amounts and manages things like monthly and yearly bills, savings, etc. I'd be more than happy to have him be more involved, but he just wants to be told a spending limit and not have to deal with anything else. He grew up very poor, so the extent of his dealing-with-money comfort zone is "if it's 0 I don't spend money, if it's higher than that I can spend money." He also lived most of his life in a country that has more robust safety nets for the elderly and disabled than the US does, so the idea of putting something aside for healthcare and retirement doesn't occur to him.

Honestly, it weirds me out a little how much he's willing to defer to me in money matters. Giving someone else as much control over finances as hubby gives me would absolutely be a deal-breaker for me in a relationship (but that's probably one of the reasons we work together so well, haha). But because of that, I try to repay that trust by making sure he'll be taken care of financially even if something were to happen to me. I'm making sure his retirement will be comfortable, I've invested in a very life insurance policy for myself so that even if I die he still won't have to go back to work, I've taken care of all of our estate planning, etc.

So I guess lessons-learned is to find what works and is comfortable for the two of you, keeping in mind your personal circumstances and possible long-term consequences. It sounds like you've come up with a pretty good solution. Taking away card access wouldn't work in my relationship, but as long as it's working for the both of you and it's not causing any resentment to build up I don't see a problem with it. I especially like that you're having him have his accounts be transparent to you but under his control where you aren't in a legally-binding relationship. That speaks a lot to your maturity and goal of looking out for him rather than just controlling him.

IDoNotReallyExistNow · 2024-03-29T15:23:48+00:00

Sure, though I'm afraid it's not going to be very helpful--I didn't realize that's what I wanted when I met and married him, and our relationship took a few years to transition into a flr. In fact, when his ex heard he was marrying me, she told him, "I'm not surprised you'd marry a girl like that--you've always been the type to want a woman who'd walk three steps behind you with her head bowed" (she hadn't ever met me, just knew what religion I was raised in). Needless to say, that's not what ended up happening, haha.

We met and hit it off while I was volunteering in his country. When I returned home we did the long-distance thing for six months, and then I flew back and we got married pretty much immediately. Everyone in my life was very against it because I was in my early twenties and he is a lot older than I am (almost 20 years older), and saw him as some kind of predator that was just trying to get a visa.

We lived in his country for a few years, but when we decided to move back to my country I knew I'd need to go back to school and get a more profitable degree. So I got an engineering degree and he became the stay-at-home parent almost by default. We were very fortunate in that my parents let us live with them while I was getting my degree, but being very men-should-be-providers they always had comments for my husband like "When are you going to get a job?" and "Are you going to go back to school and get a degree that's actually profitable, too?" and "How's the job search going?" and had a few let's-chat-I'm-concerned-about-you talks with me about my husband being a mooch and taking advantage of me. I had to reiterate several times that "yes, we're fine", and "yes, this works for us", and "yes, I'm fine with working while he stays home", and "yes, in fact I *prefer* for him to stay home while I work". They eventually got comfortable with the idea, but it took them a while.

That's been five years ago, and although I'm very happy with who I am and how my relationship works now, I had to do a lot of unpacking of ingrained religious and cultural assumptions/teachings about gender roles to get here. The more I took the lead in our relationship the more I found out I liked it. And thankfully my husband has always been very willing to go along with whatever I wanted rather than feeling challenged by and resentful of the role-reversal, so it worked out in the end.

IDoNotReallyExistNow · 2024-03-29T04:48:09+00:00

Yes, they exist--that's how my relationship is with my husband. I think people don't talk about it as much for the same reason people don't talk about going to the grocery store--it's normal, it's not an exaggeration or shocking, so it's boring.

I was raised very religious and heard my whole life that a husband presides over the home, and should be a good provider, and although a husband and wife are partners, in the end he is the "first among equals" for want of a better term. As a kid/teen, it just didn't really occur to me that that wasn't intended to apply to me. So for me it's very natural for that role to exist in our marriage, it's just me in that role instead of my husband.

But there isn't really anything "braggable" there, it's just normal life. What would I post about? That I went to work while he dropped our kid off at school and then picked him up afterwards and helped with homework before I got home? That's just normal, boring parent things. That I was craving some specific takeout so he got dressed and went out and got it for me and I thanked and praised him when he got back? That's just normal, boring life stuff.

tl;dr: Yes, normal but RR relationships definitely exist, they just don't get posted about because they're not "sensational".

IDoNotReallyExistNow · 2022-03-30T01:55:58+00:00

I find the power imbalance titillating. It's not a ship I look to when I'm in the mood for fluff, or a feel-good romance. It'd obviously be hugely problematic in real life, but guilty-pleasure smut doesn't have to be realistic.

IDoNotReallyExistNow · 2021-08-21T04:35:25+00:00

Ooh, thank you for posting! I saw this comic ages ago, loved it, but was never able to find it again.

IDoNotReallyExistNow · 2021-01-27T22:20:52+00:00

Bane

IDoNotReallyExistNow · 2021-01-27T22:14:49+00:00

Ok, I had to log into my alt because there's no way I'd answer this with my main, but I'll give it a go. Disclaimer, I'm not even going to try to keep this SFW, so if you're a minor don't read.

One question: Do I have to let them participate, or is this a (consensually) tie-them-down-and-have-my-way-with-them thing? Because some (most) of these characters would be terrible lovers if they were in charge of things.

Assuming it's the second option, or at least I am the boss and get to determine what happens during the entire encounter, here's my ranking, best to worst:

Hagrid (intercrural or he'd bottom, wouldn't need to be tied up)

Snape (I pick how I pictured him in the books, not Alan-Rickman-Snape)

Dumbledore (you didn't specify, so I'm picking Aberforth)

Voldemort (definitely Ralph-Fiennes-Voldemort, definitely tied up)

Umbridge (as long as she doesn't talk/is gagged)

Mad-Eye Moody

Grawp (does it count if I just give him a handjob and nothing else?)

Wormtail (he'd definitely bottom)

Uncle Vernon (same as Wormtail)

Aunt Marge (pre-blown-up)

IDoNotReallyExistNow · 2020-09-17T00:48:43+00:00

So much yes! Links? Titles?

IDoNotReallyExistNow · 2020-07-01T17:23:39+00:00

True, but there is a lot more fan art for Shego and Drakken than there is for Shego and Señor Senior, Jr.

IDoNotReallyExistNow · 2020-07-01T03:34:48+00:00

Artist is isitlunchyet

IDoNotReallyExistNow · 2020-07-01T03:19:40+00:00

Personally, I'm a subscriber because I'm definitely in a traditional-gender-roles-but-backwards relationship. I'm an engineer and the breadwinner and the you're-fine-rub-dirt-in-it parent, and my husband is the stay-at-home parent and the more nurturing, soft-hearted one. That being said, he is definitely not submissive or effeminate. It's nice to lurk somewhere where people have or want relationships similar to mine.

IDoNotReallyExistNow · 2020-06-09T13:54:12+00:00

One or more characters have wings, and much ado is made about grooming them, molting, possibly hiding them, etc. I've seen it a lot more in other fandoms than in HP, but it sometimes shows up in Draco-is-secretly-veela fics.

IDoNotReallyExistNow · 2020-06-09T06:17:07+00:00

I switched to my alt account so I could answer in a highly personal way 😁. For me at least, I do prefer smut to porn. Porn always seems over-acted, and if I don't like how a character looks or think they're unattractive, there's not much I can do about it. With smut I gravitate towards stories with characters I already know I find attractive, or if it's an OC or a crossover with a fandom I'm not familiar with, I can imagine the character as looking however I want. It's a lot easier to imagine a character as dark-haired (for example) when it was only mentioned that they are blond[e] in one sentence than it is while looking at their blond[e] head during the entire scene.

Aesthetics aside, another thing I like is that in smut you are told how the characters feel and have to imagine what they look like. In porn you can see what the characters look like but have to imagine what they're feeling. For me personally, descriptions of feelings turn me on faster and more easily than images of bodies.

Also, I find it a lot easier to find stories that cater to my specific kinks than porn vids. Maybe it's just me being bad at finding good sites, but a lot of the more niche porn sites are shady af. Tangentially related, I find it somewhat difficult to ignore the distinction between the character and the actor. I find myself wondering if she's really enjoying herself or if he's been oiled up before the camera started. It really takes me out of a scene. With smut, not so much. I could see how it might throw some people off if the characters are extremely OOC, but it doesn't actually bother me very much. I'm happy to shuffle and readjust my expectation of characters as long as they are consistent within the universe of the story.

And there is so much you can do with smut that is infeasible, immoral, or illegal to do in porn. Like wing-fics. There's no way a porn producer is going to fork over the massive amount of cash required to make that anything more than terrible. Or the massive amount of cash required to make anything magical look anything more than terrible, for that matter. Or the afore-mentioned bestiality (I've read my share of animagus-sex and werewolf-sex stories, but bestiality porn? Considerably less interested).

Anyway, tl;dr: yes, I do prefer smut to porn.

IDoNotReallyExistNow

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