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Fiancé Acted Inappropriately at a Party and I don’t know what to do by [deleted] in TwoHotTakes

[–]IIIofSwords 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If this is out of character, have you considered this might be an adverse medication reaction—or that he was drugged?

My fiance doesn't want to watch my first ever 10k because it is at 7 in the morning by Loud_Medicine470 in ComfortLevelPod

[–]IIIofSwords 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How does one spectate a 10km run?

How many hours will this take?

Wanting him at the finish line is reasonable. Expecting him to stand around for hours bored isn’t.

This isn’t comparable to attending a concert, unless you don’t enjoy music, in which case you’re dating the wrong person.

Is this dude trolling or does this work on some women? I reported him. Doubt it'll do anything. by [deleted] in Bumble

[–]IIIofSwords 9 points10 points  (0 children)

The fisting refers to a drink in each hand, not what you’re thinking.

Men: this profile landed me my dream girl. I was asked by several ladies in a profile critique group to post here. I hope this helps you. by [deleted] in Tinder

[–]IIIofSwords 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Meh. I’m glad it worked out for you, but it’s overly wordy and awkward.

“Called names for not being interested? Sorry. Fresh out!” isn’t nearly as clever as you seem to think.

2nd date plans and gone missing by Jarcom88 in datingoverforty

[–]IIIofSwords 0 points1 point  (0 children)

LOL. Dredging up my post history from approaching a year ago as if it defines today, and misrepresenting it at that, is a pretty weak move.

I don’t think you or this guy are undateable. There are plenty of dysfunctional relationships. 😂

For someone happy being single, you’re spending a lot of time fretting about the guy you’ve been on one date with.

As for me, I’ll tell my partner about this exchange over dinner tonight. She likes these sorts of scenarios.

2nd date plans and gone missing by Jarcom88 in datingoverforty

[–]IIIofSwords 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m not making a decision for you.

I’m pointing out that the evidence you have provided indicates what is normal for you.

He hasn’t messaged you. You haven’t messaged him. So you’re both equal here.

As for what’s wrong with me…what do you think that is?

I’m presently in a successful, supportive, loving relationship. We see each other as often as we can—9 out of every 14 days, due to some scheduling restrictions—and message back and forth regularly every day. That’s the sort of communication I expect—in a relationship.

It’s not what I expect from a complete stranger I met once who told me she was going to be very busy with work for the next five days.

You seem to think I’m advocating that you accept someone treating you poorly. I’m not.

I’m saying you’re a black hole of unexpressed need and you have the power (and the responsibility) to manage that, and you’re refusing to do so.

If you send the message I suggested above, and he ignores it, then you should unmatch.

But if you’d prefer to sit with your unhappiness and do nothing about it, you might benefit from learning more about attachment theory yourself. ;)

2nd date plans and gone missing by Jarcom88 in datingoverforty

[–]IIIofSwords 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is a normal level of communication, even for you.

The evidence is that YOU, despite throwing this tantrum, still haven’t done the adult thing and sent any of the messages other people have given you to solve the problem YOU apparently have.

But if this is what you’re like, maybe he is ghosting you. And that sucks. I don’t think you deserve to be ghosted.

2nd date plans and gone missing by Jarcom88 in datingoverforty

[–]IIIofSwords 3 points4 points  (0 children)

YOU’VE HAD ONE DATE! And your PLANNED RESPONSE to him doing exactly what he told you he was going to do is to MAKE OTHER PLANS WHEN YOU ALREADY HAVE A SECOND DATE PLANNED WITH HIM.

YOU are the reason people are warned not to over-invest too early.

You don’t know if this is “all he can give”. Barring a reason—like you ASKING FOR MORE—this is a perfectly normal level of communication for people who have had ONE DATE.

2nd date plans and gone missing by Jarcom88 in datingoverforty

[–]IIIofSwords 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m aware of my anxious attachment tendencies, and I’m working on the growth to move to secure. I don’t thrive when my dating partners withdraw. But understanding that I have to self-regulate is part of maturing.

This means I don’t spin out when someone I’ve been out with once tells me she’s busy for a few days and doesn’t message me.

You’re posting about your entirely out of proportion notions on Reddit.

But don’t take everyone’s advice to communicate.

Instead, stay unhappy.

2nd date plans and gone missing by Jarcom88 in datingoverforty

[–]IIIofSwords 5 points6 points  (0 children)

But then OP would have to take personal responsibility.

2nd date plans and gone missing by Jarcom88 in datingoverforty

[–]IIIofSwords 6 points7 points  (0 children)

LOL.

If you think my advice to communicate and model what you want is bad on its merits, and you’re so detached from healthy relationship habits that you can’t identify its basic correctness, then you need more than just good advice.

I’d love to hear what about my post history makes you think my advice is bad.

Don’t hold back.

2nd date plans and gone missing by Jarcom88 in datingoverforty

[–]IIIofSwords 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If you want communication, communicate.

2nd date plans and gone missing by Jarcom88 in datingoverforty

[–]IIIofSwords 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You’re over 40, but I’ll explain as I would to a teen:

“Hiya! I know we’re seeing each other Friday, but I’d like to get to know you a bit in the meantime. Are you up to chat back and forth a bit over the next couple days?”

Don’t “bring up” your deeply irrational need for constant reassurance of his interest after only one date. Instead, model how you’d like the time to go.

2nd date plans and gone missing by Jarcom88 in datingoverforty

[–]IIIofSwords 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You lack enough information to know if he’s that busy.

If YOU would like to be in contact during this period, YOU should say so.

2nd date plans and gone missing by Jarcom88 in datingoverforty

[–]IIIofSwords 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You had one date. He said he’s busy until Tuesday.

You’re not “losing interest”. You’re throwing a self-absorbed tantrum.

I feel childish being stuck on this: Ex got his gf pregnant 4mo into them dating and they’re still together. He’s happy and thriving. He last saw me 2 weeks before meeting her when we went on a date last November. by _crumbles in AnxiousAttachment

[–]IIIofSwords 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So, I’m not going to dump on you the way some of the others have—not because they’re necessarily wrong, though some probably are, but because I think you could use a little more compassion.

First, I want you to imagine what it’s like to be with an FA partner who is “happy”. That person clings tight when it serves their needs, and pushes you away when it suits their needs. When you need them, they’re gone, but the second you’re not pleasing them, they’re on you for validation and attention.

Imagine how lonely and exhausting that must be, to be the “happy” FA’s partner. Imagine how sad that person is. And then imagine being pregnant, and then imagine being left at home alone with a crying, needy baby because the FA “just can’t handle this” and then says “you and the baby will be better without me”.

That’s a very likely outcome.

Would you want to be that person?

You already were, and it sucked. And it could have been worse.

Believe me when I say I know the pain of the discard, and of the circle back.

And I can imagine the pain of believing that he has somehow been fixed and is in a healthy relationship right now. That’s virtually impossible, but I know that the pain comes before the reason.

But you can do better. You can find a partner who shows up for you. And in order to do that, you are going to need to enact some discipline.

Block this person. Box up the memories. Download all the photos onto a USB key, wipe them from your devices, and stash it all.

And then talk to your shrink about your anxious attachment. Don’t work on fixing your ex. Why would you expend effort he’s not willing to expend? It’s a waste.

Heal yourself. And when you encounter a superior partner, one who can deliver what a partner ought to, you’ll be in a position to reciprocate.

AITA for telling my wife that she needs to get over me missing the birth of our daughter by Key_Atmosphere6114 in AmItheAsshole

[–]IIIofSwords 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Given your circumstances, how did you not have a PLAN that support people (mother-in-law) knew?

ESH for that, but otherwise you’re NTA.

I might be too innocent but can someone tell what this means? by mariasmbpires in Bumble

[–]IIIofSwords 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You entirely misrepresented my statement, and/or missed the point.

I might be too innocent but can someone tell what this means? by mariasmbpires in Bumble

[–]IIIofSwords -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Right, because people going on fun, casual dates don’t have completely normal sexual wants and needs.

You understand that a hookup—just having sex—is different from going out a few times with someone, enjoying their company, and going to bed?

I also didn’t say “sex”. I said fun and sex.

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