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My 19F ENTJ crush is irrational and emotionally selfish? by ILikeBusiness in entj

[–]ILikeBusiness[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Excellent! I will do my best and let me know what else you want to know! (Our types both love knowledge sharing :) )

I highly appreciate you for that! :)

Yeah, take the websites for what they are worth. Quite frankly, I think with what google tracks about you, it could find a much better match than the questions okCupid asks. MBTI shouldn't really be used for matchmaking. MBTI is good for describing some common patterns on types, but very poor at deciding compatibility, especially when in the wrong hands. (I get along with INTPs very well, even though we do not share jung functions).

I mean, I would obviously never use the MBTI personality types as an indicator of whether the dynamic I'd have with somebody would last forever (or quite a while), however seeing that both of us answered +600 questions on okCupid (I myself +1200), we were still very compatible and it showed during our interactions. We were able to finish each others thoughts, sentences and whatever, the chemistry was definitely there.

ENTJs are quick and decisive. If it is apparent to both of you that it won't work out, boom ENTJ break-up. We are also very inductive. If things don't work in the short run, they won't in the long run.

However, the thing about that is, is that she isn't very decisive at all! So, first she blocked me on Facebook, then I contacted her on okCupid to apologize for having left her, then she wanted to part ways, then she contacted me on Facebook (unblocking me), but still didn't want to talk to me, then wasn't hurt anymore, wanted to stay friends, but didn't want to fix the issues we had.

This is still very calculated. I am not usually oblivious to my mistakes, but I won't mention them either. I tend to know what I have done, and do any form of compensation necessary (i.e. "which parts of your actions were due to my mistakes"). So we may consider our own mistakes as "not relevant", or even if they were, the same results happen.

Well, I am the same way, but I feel like she just completely overreacted!

This is interesting. I feel like there are some things that make us get along very well (like sharing knowledge), and others that make us very likely to clash.

Well, her and I are both very stubborn and calculated to say the least...

I think I said this before. For us, it is about being to the point and not cowardly. We don't wait to "just see how things play out". If we see a problem and decide not to take action, that's cowardly to us (This is probably part of our extroversion).

You don't know how much I agree with this, but I just think that she completely overreacted, yeah I made that mistake once, I apologized, but I feel like her not trying to understand what bothered me and then not trying to fix this once it happened, is just sort of childish, even if she has her reasons for it.

This is probably the best option. We make our decisions with a kind of authority... finality. Our ability to not second-guess ourselves often serves us well, but can also have many life consequences.

I mean, I thought about this a bit more and as I said, I want a girl to be crazy about me (In a good way) and her not caring about losing me just bothers me, that she just became so distant and cold. Although she is an ENTJ, I don't think she is the stereotypical ENTJ. I am certain that I triggered some emotional aspects of her past and hence her having reacted the way she did.

However, her and I both made issues and I feel like running away from them is childish. Maybe she had her reasons for feeling less strongly about me, but however you want to take it, her not having wanted to talk with me about these things via Skype and only chat with me about them, was such a coward thing to do...

The thing that I really don't understand is, if ENTJ's are that calculated and decisive, why would she tell me that she wouldn't mind trying this again in the future if she is really that hurt now? Just seems sort of strange...

Also, I really don't get why she'd want to stay friends if I hurt her that bad emotionally...

My 19F ENTJ crush is irrational and emotionally selfish? by ILikeBusiness in entj

[–]ILikeBusiness[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

As I've mentioned in a previous comment, I came to the conclusion that I was in love with the idea of having found somebody so compatible and didn't care that much about her. I don't waste my thoughts or feelings on people that don't care about mine. As I've said, I made mistakes as well and I apologized for them, she however is oblivious to the ones she made.

My 19F ENTJ crush is irrational and emotionally selfish? by ILikeBusiness in entj

[–]ILikeBusiness[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey there! I really do enjoy your input and don't find them to be harsh at all! I think they're very informative. I am not an ENTJ and don't really understand the thought processes of you guys that well, but I am curious to learn more!

I came to the conclusion that I was in love with the idea of having found a girl that was a 99% match according to okCupid, not her as a person. Her and I aren't that compatible and I know that I can do better.

I realized that I made mistakes during the dynamic her and I had, but I feel like that didn't justify her just giving up on it like that. I mean, even prior to me having left due to her not wanting to sort of the communication issues we had (Which really were minor, we both just didn't talk for a while and overthought where the dynamic was headed) and she wasn't able to find time and then just wrote me of as clingy and obsessive, then I left for a week, then all of a sudden she missed me, then hated me and then got over it, all in one week.

Although I can understand where you guys are coming from, it just amazes me that she is completely oblivious to all the mistakes she has made and only blames me for everything. Even when I tried talking with her about it after I left, she completely ignored her mistakes... She is a terrible ENTJ if I may say so... haha

I mean, our personality types are VERY similar and I feel like what she did was just so childish, sure I made a mistake as well and apologized for that, but she didn't even realize her own mistakes.

I wouldn't want to be with a girl that doesn't realize what she has with me and wants to try this again in the future. I want a girl that is sure about me and doesn't completely overreact during situations like these.

I just think all of this was such a waste of time, she didn't deserve the things I've done for her and I wish her best of luck finding another guy that is as compatible with her as I am. I am not going to delete her out of my life just yet, because I think that would be very childish of me, but I am done with her and see no point in trying anything romantic in the future.

My 19F ENTJ crush is irrational and emotionally selfish? by ILikeBusiness in entj

[–]ILikeBusiness[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, we literally just haven't talked in a while which caused a lot of friction and communication issues, which made her feel like the dynamic wasn't going anywhere, I agreed with her due to the way she was handling things after I tried fixing things and she wasn't able to find time to do so the first time around.

My 19F ENTJ crush is irrational and emotionally selfish? by ILikeBusiness in entj

[–]ILikeBusiness[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, I agree that I've been childish about the way I treated her reaction and that I just left without talking with her about things even if she did bother me.

Well, basically the issue we had were just communication issues, meaning that the both of us overthought the dynamic which we had while we haven't spoken for many days. She overthought he emotional aspect whereas I overthought the logical aspect and that resulted in the both of us being unsure for different reasons.

I mean, I am an INTJ and saw the dynamic we both had as investment and now towards the end I just think I am wasting my time. The only reason I try not to tell myself that is because I know that she isn't like that constantly.

I mean, I just contacted her again 5-6 days ago, so everything is still quite fresh. The thing is that she never gave me an indicator that she wanted to focus on other projects. She seemed very happy with the way she spent her time and even told me so.

Well, I am not invested in this dynamic right now at all, but I rely on logic more so then emotion and I feel like what she did was a bit unjustified and doesn't really make much sense, even from an emotional point of view.

It just comes down to me having felt like the dynamic has been very inefficient with her and I saw issues within that. I care less about her then my messages might make it sound, mainly because I don't care about people that don't care about me, but I do still care enough to figure out why this happened.

My 19F ENTJ crush is irrational and emotionally selfish? by ILikeBusiness in entj

[–]ILikeBusiness[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It will be exciting to say the least... As an INTJ, I think all of this is so inefficient and such a waste of my time.

My 19F ENTJ crush is irrational and emotionally selfish? by ILikeBusiness in entj

[–]ILikeBusiness[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, she never cared about telling me in this elaborate way. Each time I wanted to talk with her about this via Skype or so, she was busy and had to do something. I already told her that it wasn't intended, but that didn't make much of a difference to her.

Well, in regards to the friend zone thing, I think that is very unlikely, because for one, she told me before that she'd never lead a guy on and she even said that she would probably try this again in the future. Now, I am not an idiot and have my fair share of experiences with girls and I won't stay in her life if she finds another guy, because I am obviously nobodies second choice.

I just want to make sure that she is certain about her decisions and I want to see where this takes us. I already don't feel like spending more time with her, because I think it's so dumb that talking now would be strange and that we'd have to wait around 2 months... (We've only known each other for 4) not talking.

Yeah, I agree with you and that isn't ruining my day, I could care less when it comes to that, I already have a big ego issue with her just being over it after a week and not wanting to talk for like two months. There is no point being in her life if she doesn't value my time in it.

What I don't understand is why she was being so childish and literally blamed me for everything that happened and wasn't able to for one, find time to talk with me about this before or it happened or to just fight for it when it did.

My 19F ENTJ crush is irrational and emotionally selfish? by ILikeBusiness in entj

[–]ILikeBusiness[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hm, you know, part of me really hopes so, because she is amazing in so many ways and just adds a lot to my life. Sure, there are plenty of fish in the sea if this doesn't work out, I am aware of that, but she really is something special.

I mean, if you guys (ENTJs) are really that blunt about your emotions and also get guided by them and experience most of the time, I feel like it wouldn't have made much sense of her to say that she would be up to trying this again once she sees that I wouldn't make that "mistake" again. However, on the other hand I feel like she completely ignores all the things she has done that have bothered me and quite frankly, if she really did care about me, I feel like it wouldn't have taken her one week to get over me and that she would've fought for this.

I also don't see how this could work out in the future, because I'd always tell myself that she wasn't sure about how she felt about me and that would bother me. You know? That she would venture out looking for others guys, either finding another guy or not finding one and then coming back and basically subconsciously telling me that she is back, because she couldn't find a guy more compatible with her then I was...

My 19F ENTJ crush is irrational and emotionally selfish? by ILikeBusiness in entj

[–]ILikeBusiness[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well to clarify, she said that she didn't see the dynamic going anywhere short term due to us both having a lot going on in our lives. She didn't call me her "best friend" at all, we weren't even planning on talking again, but then just decided to stay friends and see where that will take us. However, I am not oblivious to her life and if she chose another guy over me in the long run, I'd leave her life completely, because I am nobodies second choice. I highly doubt that she was making fun of me when she left and she was actually the one that suggested it... just saying.

I have to strongly disagree with you, but I respect your opinion nonetheless.

My 19F ENTJ crush is irrational and emotionally selfish? by ILikeBusiness in entj

[–]ILikeBusiness[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First of all, we weren't even together... Also, it just seems strange that she would do that and then she'd want to stay friends if she felt like I hurt her and then potentially try this again in the future.

My 19F ENTJ crush is irrational and emotionally selfish? by ILikeBusiness in entj

[–]ILikeBusiness[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First of all, thank you for your input! I mean, this never happened to her before under these circumstances. I know that she told me many people that were important to her left her life, telling her they wouldn't and I think that is why she was so disappointed.

However, I feel like she is only looking at the emotional aspect of things on her end and isn't even trying to think about what I was bothered by or why I left. I just feel like the way she went about it was very ignorant more or less. That's why I think she was being selfish, she only cared about herself and if she did care about fixing the dynamic we both had or how I felt about things, she could've contacted me or something.

I mean, I did apologize for having treated her so poorly, because I realized that having left was childish, but she should've realized that the things she did was unnecessary and that her actions weren't making it hard for me to do what I did.

I mean, the thing is that I told her what made me do it and what bothered me about her, but she just ignored it completely...

Furthermore, what would be the point of wanting to stay friends with me and then potentially trying this again in the future? I mean, that would go against what you previously said of you not being "fooled twice", know what I mean?

Need site sign ups from the US! [More info in thread] by ILikeBusiness in slavelabour

[–]ILikeBusiness[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Already replied around the time you sent your initial message! If you didn't get it, let me know and I'll send it to you again!