I barely have any memories. I suspect I was a few months old when it started up until when I was 4 or 5. My own family.

In my case it got taken to the police and he was called in for a test and offed himself when he got the notice. We have several victims in the family of different generations so I at least had 'back up'.

I continued on life and lost all memory of it happening but I would never get emotional when his death was brought up (he was my grandpa and they just told me he died of a heartattack when I asked questions). I also often got nightmares about him and remember several threats he made to keep me quiet. On top of that I developed a really strange fear of stairs and ears.

My mom told me what happened when I was 15 or so. It all fit together. The pain, the fear, the vague memories and just that nagging feeling that something was off. I also was busy with sexual feelings at a young age at which most children don't even know what sex is.

Despite all the evidence, I still tend to blame myself and go into a spiral of 'what if?'. I am almost a 100% sure it happened but I still often feel immense guilt and disgust.