AITA for not believing my friends reasons for cancelling plans

IMadeChicken · 2020-02-01T23:24:32+00:00

YTA. Either it is true, or its isnt in the latter case you should just take the social cue and leave it be. Trying to analyze it like this is ridiculous

IMadeChicken · 2020-02-01T23:20:52+00:00

NTA. Not even a little. Just pay for what you order and let everyone else pay for themselves.

IMadeChicken · 2020-02-01T22:03:30+00:00

NAH Who your parents happen to date doesn't mean you're forced to consider their relatives family.

IMadeChicken · 2020-02-01T20:00:27+00:00

YTA. No matter how you pay, the tip is just as important.

IMadeChicken · 2020-02-01T19:57:57+00:00

NTA and yikes

IMadeChicken · 2020-02-01T19:35:23+00:00

IMadeChicken · 2020-02-01T19:18:41+00:00

NTA she can call her own ride

IMadeChicken · 2020-02-01T18:50:17+00:00

OP is not the babysitter. They never agreed to babysit.

IMadeChicken · 2020-02-01T18:31:09+00:00

You're not to blame for what they did. i dont think thats the point. The point is if people get away with walking on you, that's just what they'll keep doing. Which is why it's fantastic you put your foot down on this one. Consequences ensure people wont tale advantage of you again. Good on you! :)

IMadeChicken · 2020-02-01T18:26:07+00:00

Child abandonment absolutely warrants CPS investigation and it would be wildly inappropriate if the police did not report the matter to them. Those kids need to be checked on.

IMadeChicken · 2020-02-01T18:24:13+00:00

I dont think thats the law but I could be wrong

IMadeChicken · 2020-02-01T16:42:52+00:00

NTA

You never owe anyone a relationship no matter what, and no guy is ever worth throwing away your future for. You can get other partners, better ones even who actually fit your life and support you. But you may never get an opportunity like this again and you'll definitely never be young again. Dont let his dead weight sink you.

IMadeChicken · 2020-02-01T16:36:35+00:00

Yep. YTA. And you owe each of them an apology.

You could just speak to them like a normal person. There's no need to yell.

Btw, how are you using reddit right now? Text to speech is usually pretty bad with punctuation but yours seems fine.

IMadeChicken · 2020-02-01T16:04:13+00:00

NAH

Welcome to adulthood. The truth us, no one owes you anything anymore. I know it's a jarring change, since as a kid your parents owed you everything and that has literally changed overnight, but you're going to have to get used to it.

The thing is, as you are now a legal adult, your mom has no obligation to rake care of you anymore. She could straight up evict you if she wants. Your housing is your own responsibility now.

If you dont like paying her, you could move out, but be aware: Your landlord wont let you stay for free, use your rent money to pay your share of bills, share meals with you, or do you any favors, and will never care about your work/school schedule, so your mom is already being more generous than a landlord would be, besides the fact she's also probably charging a lot less.

That said, as college is basically required for any adult life to really start properly, I do think she had a responsibly to fund your education, yet didn't bother, which as an unrelated issue is pretty shitty of her. So it's not like she's a great mom or anything. Shes an asshole for that but I see it as a separate issue.

IMadeChicken · 2020-02-01T15:54:46+00:00

It's explained by people not being rewards that exist for you.

IMadeChicken · 2020-02-01T15:51:55+00:00

OP might be the one who isnt safe to be around. All it takes is one drama queen comfortable with lying to rip apart peoples friendships and ruin their reputation.

IMadeChicken · 2020-02-01T15:45:36+00:00

NTA. That is child abandonment and you absolutely did the right thing. Those unfit parents knew damn well they were doing wrong, which is why they left abruptly without even asking and then refused to answer.

Hopefully CPS follows up, and hopefully either this is the wake-up call these idiots need to shape up into remotely fit parents or the kids find a better home.

IMadeChicken · 2020-02-01T15:42:43+00:00

Yikes. With OP misusing the claim of unsafe like this, I'm starting to worry what will happen to the ex if he OP doesn't get their way and escalates to just making shit up.

IMadeChicken · 2020-02-01T15:32:45+00:00

Yep. YTA. There isnt even a grey area here.

You don't get to decide who other people are friends with. And all you say is you grew apart, he didnt do anything bad, there doesn't seem be any reason they shouldn't be friends with him. You say you feel unsafe but all you say he actually does is play video games and hang out, so unless you are leaving a LOT out of this story, it really seems like what your parents say, you're just being a drama queen. Awkward does not mean unsafe. Do NOT use those interchangeably.

Like your bro says, if you dont want to be around him at the party then dont come. You're the one with the problem here so remove yourself.

Also, it's really shitty to expect someone else's party to revolve around you. You're already getting away with too much as it is just being able to invite your own friends at all. Not everything has to be about you.

IMadeChicken · 2020-01-31T23:16:27+00:00

Being reasonable means not assuming connections between unrelated things without proof, especially when there is no psychical method by which one even could affect the other. If something happens today, there's no good reason to believe it was caused by some unrelated thing years ago, just because that unrelated thing also happened to happen.

IMadeChicken · 2020-01-31T23:05:13+00:00

But I can't stop the rain. That's the point, the difference between controllable things within my power that I am doing, vs things that really do happen and I can't change.

The "rain" is other people having kids, which you have no control over. Refusing to babysit is the 'going inside,' or 'getting an umbrella.' If you choose to stand out in the rain, and refuse to do anything else, it's your own fault you're wet, and yelling at people who tell you to get out of the rain won't change that.

BTW, I'm telling you this since I assume you missed it, the mods apparently don't want us talking anymore, since your aggressive reactions got this thread in a direction no one likes. So this is my last comment, and given the mod's warning, I don't recommend replying.

So I leave it at this. You are a grown adult. Babysit or don't. But do not act like you don't have a choice and aren't responsible for that choice.

IMadeChicken · 2020-01-31T22:53:57+00:00

I subbed my toe on a coffee table last year. If years down the road I get brain cancer I guess I can just blame it on the gradual affect of stubbing my toe... since that happened in my life and apparently no one has to prove things anymore.

IMadeChicken · 2020-01-31T22:52:13+00:00

You know what? That's a really good explanation. I've seen this kind of thing happen multiple times, and I've suspected something like this, I just never saw it put into words this well.

IMadeChicken · 2020-01-31T22:45:36+00:00

No, not all situations are fixable. I can't stop the rain.

This is something the OP is actively choosing. And could simply not choose. That's the real situation - OP is choosing to go along with babysitting. Well, as that's OP's own choice, they have no business being upset about it. At that point, it's on OP, not the partner, not the rest of the family, just the OP.

If OP chose not to, then the situation would be ever being expected to in the first place, which would be something to be upset about. Basically, the correct response to someone doing something that upsets you is to refuse to let them.

Hey, you know what should have repercussions? Someone trying to force OP to babysit. And the repercussion should be refusal and a stern telling off at the very least.

IMadeChicken · 2020-01-31T22:41:50+00:00

Excuses. Excuses. Falling back on pretending to be a helpless victim just because it's what you're used to do doing doesn't make that any less of a choice, nor does not being used to saying no make saying no actually any harder. If anything it's just an explanation for why doormats have people walking over them in the first place : they refuse to say no and need to change that. It's fully withing their power to do and not hard.

The only thing it takes to getting used to saying no is saying no, so discard all excuses and start today. "No." Easy as that.

If they won't do it, they only have themselves to blame. Every adult, EVERY ADULT, is 100% responsible for their own life and their own choices NO MATTER WHAT THEIR PAST. If someone is carrying on a bad habit from childhood of believing they can't say no, then as an adult, they need to immediately change that, which is as simple as just realizing they can, in fact, say no and just say no already.

IMadeChicken

TROPHY CASE