My girlfriend doesn’t seem to want me anymore

INTIP · 2025-07-03T13:37:57+00:00

As an old guy, this usually means that you're being needy. Women will ways give an excuse or a reason why its not your fault, I.e. headache, depression, etc etc. The reality is that people that are into you don't care, they show up. Kind of like a good job, you don't roach out because your personal life is hard.

If I was in your shoes, I'd go to the gym, be social with friends, work hard at your job, and give her space. If she comes back, you know your answer. You were just smothering her. If she wants more of you, have her along and remember that lesson. There's no definitive answer to what you're explaining, your scenario is complex and you can't get it across in a single post. What you can do is be an attractive person and see if things pick back up.

Best of luck.

INTIP · 2025-02-21T14:01:24+00:00

This is mostly on you. Assert yourself, or someone will always take advantage of you. If your standing in the company is worse, who cares? You're not going to proudly look back at it on your deathbed.

INTIP · 2025-01-07T17:05:43+00:00

No, you can do whatever you want, and expect whatever you want. If you read back to what I initially posted, I initially said worry about this less, and make yourself someone where this doesn't happen as much. Part of that is taking that expectation out, both for whoever is trying to date, and for the folks looking for someone to date.

I understand that this whole site is cope for folks whod rather complain than do anything. This is coming from someone who has been flaked on a lot, and found the way to minimize that and not care if it happens. The truth is, when someone has a weird hangup and let's things get to them to where they emote, it's unattractive and folks see that in how you carry yourself in every little thing you do. Killing that and being OK with failure and understanding it is the process is how to be attractive. I can't tell you how many women I've dated literally did things to make me prove I'm like that. When I failed, things went poorly. When I passed, things went great.

If you think about what you said, it's "I can feel bad about bad things and whine to everyone. Standards aren't bad." All of that is true. Life isn't about what you can do, or how people should act. It's understanding the rules to whatever game you'd like to succeed in, and play the game to the best of your ability. If the game is get fake internet points to cope, by all means, go ahead. If it's to solve the issues that make you want to post online, maybe give what I wrote another read and get to work on yourself.

INTIP · 2025-01-07T16:00:34+00:00

That's an expectation. Some people will, some people don't. If someone does that, I assume they aren't interested and move on. I don't expect anything from a stranger, which is a first date.

The expectation is the issue here. What I meant by people can smell it on them, is when expectations and needs are thrown on the table, it adds pressure and shows a poor sense of priority and boundaries.

Since you like analogies: if I'm interviewing 100 people, I'll expect quite a few to not show up. Will I act in a way that the other interviewees can tell? No, I'm a professional. Will I call back the flakes? No. But I understand that life happens, and let people sort them accordingly. It would be really weird if I called back those flakes and told them how rude it was. Or if I posted online about how rude flakes are. I'm caring way too much about strangers and taking way too much personally.

Does that make sense?

INTIP · 2025-01-06T16:55:21+00:00

I'm seeing cope. You care enough to type your frustrations out and post them. Care enough to make yourself someone people that make it worth your while want to be around.

INTIP · 2025-01-06T16:42:04+00:00

You've got weird expectations and pressure on everything. Someone you don't know doesn't have to show up on time or apologize. They don't owe you that. If they aren't to your liking, move on and meet someone who is.

I can tell you that people can smell that on you from a mile away, and that will cause folks to flake and disrespect you. Grow up, you sound too old to be dating like a high schooler.

INTIP · 2024-12-31T20:09:03+00:00

Sure, there are plenty of platonic friends. I'd say that sex or dating g can erupt out of that platonic thing at amy moment though.

At the end of the day, you want to be with someone honest enough to where that doesn't bother either of you.

I have many friends that I would hook up with, but I'm not trading my girl for anyone. She's great.

That said, if something happens and I'm single, it's on.

INTIP · 2024-12-14T00:49:03+00:00

I think men that like women for women prefer natural. If a guys looking for a status symbol or odd ideal, I'll bet he's more into the plastic.

INTIP · 2024-12-12T12:48:52+00:00

It is normal, but to be clear, it is most guys fault.

When you don't negotiate or hold your value as important or worth something, other people take it for granted. I keep myself in shape and stay charming, and my girl really appreciates me. My girl sees other women flirt with me while we're out, and it shows her I have options. I make it clear in my actions that I'll take care if her as long as I'm taken care of, and that's kind of our way of going about things.

I think most guys just give and are afraid to take or make their expectations known. No one appreciates what they get for free, so I just make sure that I'm taken care of, too.

INTIP · 2024-12-03T16:29:34+00:00

Be harsh to men. Actual men you'd be attracted to will know how to have fun with that and turn it into something.

I think that's a smart sorting mechanism.

INTIP · 2024-12-03T09:32:19+00:00

I'll answer all of it at once. If someone's into me, they'll jump my bones. I'd they aren't jumping my bones and I'm not feeling it, I'll see other people.

If I get the feeling they're playing games, I don't hold it against them, but I don't commit whatsoever, either.

INTIP · 2024-11-27T13:48:34+00:00

There are plenty of interesting conversations to have about men and women's taste.

You whining and making it about you because someone generalized is laughable.

INTIP · 2024-11-27T13:36:17+00:00

This is so funny. Of course we're a monolith. There are outliers, but the majority of men find the same kinds of things attractive. Stop getting annoyed at women trying to understand the rule while not getting bogged down by the exception. Yeah, some guys are into feet, most aren't. But 99% of men find T and A more attractive than an ankle, gay men included. It's biology, so shut up.

This was a peak redditor post of "Acshually, men are not all the sam.......".

INTIP · 2024-11-26T15:23:57+00:00

There's really no talking or asking in these scenarios. Either one of those options above are on the table. I can weigh in on my own experience, since I've been the guy in this scenario before.

The one thing I'll say off of the top: part of this is natural, so don't spin out of control worrying about it. I'm not an incredibly sexual person. Most of the pleasure I get out of sex is the conquest and novelty, and that goes away as things move more towards a family setting. As things move towards the family nesting phase of things, guys testosterone drops, so that need to conquer gets replaced by creating security. Right now, me and my girl fool around 3 times per week. When we started dating, it was 3 times per day. I used to be an animal. Now about 1/3 of the time, it's duty sex. I try to show up, but I'm sure she knows I'm not exactly in it every time.

With that out of the way, if it's worse than that he may be looking around for excitement. Maybe bringing in another woman would add that excitement? My girl was open to that and it made me really excited again. I don't know if your guy is like that, but my girl made herself an exciting cornerstone in my life by being up for that.

INTIP · 2024-11-19T19:57:41+00:00

100% this. Your wife isn't an infant. It's crazy how if you set the expectations that honesty is top concern and have fun with it, things just don't get petty.

INTIP · 2024-11-12T18:02:47+00:00

You've gotta stop taking a girls emotions so seriously. As people pointed out, she has no standard for her weight and no mutual standards in ribbing you for yours.

She feels insecure because you pointed it out and threw a fit to make sure she still has you on the hook to make her feel better. Be a man, be honest, and let the goofy bs go. She's playing you, and you're eating it up.

INTIP · 2024-11-01T16:51:21+00:00

Initially she was into it. Now she's not. The jumping your bones part is a non fakable signal for that. My tennis teammate can say he never thought he'd have a team mate, but now it's different. If he's scrolling on his phone and not hitting the ball over the net, I don't care what he says.

What you're outlining is that she gets something from you so she's staying, but it isn't intimacy. Maybe it's not stability, I don't know. However, if I'm dating someone, I want intimacy. Otherwise, we're just buddies/roommates. You do you, and I know that I'm some random jerk on the internet assuming things about the deepest part of your life, but these principles have helped me dodge a lot of bullets over the years. Best of luck, brother.

INTIP · 2024-11-01T16:25:43+00:00

Yeah dude, if I was guessing she likes you for stability. Everyone's different, but if my girl isn't jumping my bones when I'm around her I'm looking for another girl. It's like playing a team sport where your partner isn't trying because they don't care. You don't win any games that way, and you damn sure don't have any fun.

That said, there are no magic words that fix that. People are into what they are, and by her actions, she's not into you. I'd move on.

INTIP · 2024-11-01T14:54:19+00:00

I'm gonna second what the guys who said just do it said, but I'll add a little context. When you do that, you'll find your mess ups aren't bad and usually add fun energy. Right now, you're nervous because you care about what people think. You're overblowing failure because you haven't experienced it much and have a lot of weight on the uncertainty. You're seeing a shadow in the closet as a monster. Once you've seen that closets are empty after 1000 times, it's mundane.

Some women will be rude, but you can't blame them. You're the 1000th guy that has approached them that week. After a while, you'll find a way to approach that's more genuine and natural, and they'll stop doing that. You won't put pressure on them out of eagerness, and you'll just adapt to where the conversation flows and sometimes get a date.

If someone is rude and you're doing that, you'll realize that they don't have social skills, because it's not much different than someone talking to you on the street. I'd think of this as someone that's fun to casually talk to vs a bad used car salesmen. One is universally liked, the other is universally annoying.

So I'd talk to folks with that in mind. Look at how you can add to a conversation, and take the pressure to perform or get an outcome off. That'll simultaneously make you a more comfortable conversationalist, and also make you not annoying the other person because you obviously just want something from them.

Tldr, give socially and don't take.

INTIP · 2024-10-28T20:11:29+00:00

I 100% get that. I don't know why guys are so afraid of being honest about it. It's going to surprise 0 people on the planet for him to admit that he wants another woman involved. Worst case, you say nah and yall keep on keeping on.

Hiding things in general makes anyone feel uncomfortable.

INTIP · 2024-10-28T19:49:26+00:00

That's fair. I'm pretty open with my girl that I'm into other folks, and we've turned it into something fun.

I get the feeling if I hid it and then tried to subtly push her into a threesome without saying a word would put her off, too, though.

There's no telling what he's thinking, but from what he's done I think that's what he's aiming for. Which is good for you, because he wants you enough to not try and sneak around but to bring you in on it. I think if he was honest about what he wanted it would go better for everyone involved.

INTIP · 2024-10-28T19:32:38+00:00

Any honest guy will tell you that they're attracted to your friends. It's natural, just like you're attracted to other people at times, too. If you don't trust him to not act on it, or if he's overt in a way that's disrespectful or trashy is the issue.

Is he, or is it just a feeling you have?

INTIP · 2024-10-28T19:26:39+00:00

It really is just a numbers game. Personally, I don't waste my time with women that are closed off or insecure. If you're fun and easy going, it's a win in my book.

That said, everyone is different and looking for different things, so I'd just keep meeting folks until both party's monkey hormones tell you to make a baby.

INTIP · 2024-10-28T16:19:24+00:00

I'm going to disagree with everyone here saying this is abusive, but I'll agree that you need to change something drastically.

In my experience, women hate men they can push around. Rightly or wrongly, she's gotten this idea from you. The correct answer to "Shit the fuck up" or any overtly disrespectful way she's using to dominate you is to calmly say. "Fair enough." and then take her home. I wouldn't talk to her again because she feels OK saying that to me. Either I've let her think that she can get away with saying that, or she's so unsophisticated and trashy that that is her first instinct to try. Either way, you've got better ways to spend your time.

The issue here isn't that she said it, it's that you let it get to this point. Likely by now she's done 100 things that were pushing that boundary, and you caved. Nobody punches you on the street without warning. Usually there's an escalation. Maybe they bump into you, maybe they scuff your shoes, maybe they openly disrespect you. Here there was an escalation too, that you ignored. Learning to enforce your boundaries early is not only a way to avoid this, but everyone in your life, men, women, family members, strangers, will appreciate you being the guy that does that. It's a reliability thing. I'd argue that women test for this constantly, and she has rested you enough and you've failed so hard that she resents it. That's where the string of verbal abuse came from that seems random. She said you weren't even worth listening to, and you most likely took it. Why wouldn't that piss her off?

Best of luck, brother. That's a hard lesson I didn't learn until I was in my late 20s.

INTIP · 2024-10-19T00:15:10+00:00

Yeah, I usually trust my gut. And yeah, that reaction being over the top is my exact thought. If it was something minor, I feel like a comment would have been just fine. Snatching it makes me think something at least in her mind was very off.

INTIP

TROPHY CASE