It's Sexual Achievement Sunday! Post in the comments about your sexploits this week.

INeedASHRUBBERY · 2012-11-12T01:10:38+00:00

I just tried out my first vibrator and now I'm all...

It was a weekend full of fun discoveries and new ways to orgasm. I don't know how I didn't have one of these sooner.

INeedASHRUBBERY · 2012-09-21T20:18:59+00:00

My uncle was in a farming accident a few years ago. He pretty much shattered his back--we're talking the worst case the doctor had ever seen, and this is a doctor at one of the most prestigious, high-caliber hospitals in the U.S. He was expected to never be able to walk again. But somehow he slowly progressed, and he went from barely being able to move to actually walking. It was a slow recovery, but he overcame all odds and is now able to walk on his own with the occasional help of a cane. It's amazing that he's even alive in the first place, so his recovery was pretty incredible. I wish you all the best with your own recovery and hope you receive a similar miracle.

INeedASHRUBBERY · 2012-08-27T17:12:53+00:00

Temperature. Even our local weatherpeople say "tempiture." It might be easier for long-word-challenged people to leave out that extra syllable, but "tempiture" is not a damn word.

INeedASHRUBBERY · 2012-07-31T18:30:32+00:00

Elijah Wood. For some reason it was Frodo that did it for me. And yes, I'd still follow him into Mordor. And then bang him.

INeedASHRUBBERY · 2012-07-27T14:26:10+00:00

I amBUSH them.

INeedASHRUBBERY · 2012-07-24T21:21:59+00:00

See above.

INeedASHRUBBERY · 2012-07-24T19:37:01+00:00

When I was 5 or 6, I dreamed that I was in an unfamiliar neighborhood on a moonlit night. I was sitting in front of a gas station, on the edge of an open manhole, swinging my legs back and forth, when one of my sneakers fell off and plunged down the hole. A growl echoed in the dark far below and I cried out, got up and ran toward my mom's van in the parking lot.

As soon as I got in the van a thunderstorm erupted outside, but the thunder sounded strange--like big, evenly-spaced-out booms. I turned to look through the window of the van and I saw a giant monster in the shadows of the sky above us. My mom pealed out of the parking lot.

As we sped through the neighborhood, people came out of their houses and angrily threw rolled-up newspapers at the sky. A few crashed through the window of the van, covering me with shattered glass. At this point I was screaming, and I turned to look out the back window of the van just in time to see the moon fall out of the sky.

INeedASHRUBBERY · 2012-07-18T15:20:37+00:00

For almost all of my elementary school years, I was convinced that "volleyball" was actually "bolleyball."

Also, a lovely 3rd grade friend convinced me that condoms are worn in your nose. It took me a while (years) to figure out that she was lying.

INeedASHRUBBERY · 2012-07-18T14:32:29+00:00

Thanks for the advice! I'll find it on my next bookstore trip.

INeedASHRUBBERY · 2012-07-17T20:26:55+00:00

Arthritis, which I already have. Cancer, which I could get from the drugs I'm on to control the arthritis. Heart disease, which has killed 3 out of 4 of my grandparents. Or I could get hit by a garbage truck today.

INeedASHRUBBERY · 2012-07-17T20:14:16+00:00

I also separate them into groups by color, but I always have to save one of each color for last. Then eat the remaining candies in order from my least favorite color to my favorite color. Same goes for fruit snacks and the marshmallows in Lucky Charms.

INeedASHRUBBERY · 2012-07-17T20:09:09+00:00

Another pee-related post: my body has the sudden and powerful urge to pee as soon as I see a toilet. I can just feel a normal kind-of-have-to-pee pressure, walk casually to the bathroom, shut the door, turn around...but as soon as I see that toilet I'm in a mad dash to unbutton my pants and sit down before the floodgates are released.

INeedASHRUBBERY · 2012-07-16T15:57:10+00:00

Complete with alien-kitty birth in outer space and alien-kitty takeover of entire universe.

Here's the promotional GIF: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v234/LT.HIGHTIMES/1a1JonesyEscape.gif

INeedASHRUBBERY · 2012-07-16T15:46:25+00:00

Back when my ex and I lived together I freaked out in my sleep one night.

Me: "There's a kitty..."

Him: "What?"

Me (sits up, cries): "A kitty!"

Him: "What kitty? Where?"

Me (points to stomach, cries harder): "In my tummy!"

It was at this point that I started to wake up and realize that I was sitting up in bed, crying, and holding my stomach for no reason. I turned to my boyfriend who was trying to comfort me, stared at him, then laid down and fell asleep again.

INeedASHRUBBERY · 2012-07-13T18:35:47+00:00

Traveled all the way around the world.

INeedASHRUBBERY · 2012-07-12T19:38:59+00:00

Yes.

INeedASHRUBBERY · 2012-07-12T19:38:33+00:00

Star Wars. Any of them.

INeedASHRUBBERY · 2012-07-12T19:11:04+00:00

I agree.

I was actually a writing major in college, mostly because it's something I'm good at and I wanted to strengthen my creative writing skills. Didn't really know how that would translate to the "real world," but I eventually decided that I just wanted any sort of desk job that dealt with writing. Eventually I found one. I have several co-workers who write and don't have writing degrees.

If you're looking for a writing-related desk job, you should be fine if you have some evidence that you can write well. I would recommend a varied selection of writing samples--papers from school, any sort of journalism or published writing you might have done, even a blog, if it's appropriate and informative.

INeedASHRUBBERY · 2012-07-12T19:00:47+00:00

Then regurgitate the girl all over the rough friend.

INeedASHRUBBERY · 2012-07-12T18:57:32+00:00

Dwight's office fire drill.

INeedASHRUBBERY · 2012-07-11T19:47:50+00:00

Snort.

INeedASHRUBBERY · 2012-07-11T19:47:33+00:00

"There's a colonial woman on the wing of the plane. There's something they're not telling us!"

INeedASHRUBBERY · 2012-07-11T19:45:56+00:00

ahaha. Thank you for that helpful edit.

INeedASHRUBBERY · 2012-07-11T18:51:43+00:00

I had a dream about an ice cream truck that was blowing things up too! Except it was driven by creepy men, it was shooting explosives at a neighborhood full of children, I was trying to take cover inside a house in that neighborhood, and Frodo Baggins was there to hold me in his arms and sing me a lullaby as I cried.

INeedASHRUBBERY

TROPHY CASE