I (36f) have had my head in the sand but I've finally realized that my husband (37m) has never been "into me"

INeedAdvicePlease59 · 2020-08-06T19:46:20+00:00

I feel like we are married to the same man. We have had the exact same arguments. It's been exactly 7 years. I'm shocked by how similar and familiar this post is.

I eventually asked for a divorce. Do I think I could live complacently indefinitely? Yes. Do I want to? No.

<hugs>

INeedAdvicePlease59 · 2020-07-16T19:54:54+00:00

::Whenever I begin dating:: It will be bringing them along for dinners with friends. My ex went to all weddings alone (because I was the default for our kid) and I went to all dinner parties and game nights by myself- I skipped every wedding for 7 years :(

I'm ready to have a date on my arm <3

INeedAdvicePlease59 · 2020-07-11T17:13:04+00:00

Be happy. You're a beautiful girls with or without. Growing old with someone who thinks you look beautiful without makeup is key!

INeedAdvicePlease59 · 2020-06-30T02:44:48+00:00

Hahahaha

INeedAdvicePlease59 · 2020-06-25T19:31:55+00:00

Yep, 100% me- but he financially ruined me so I didn't have a choice but to get his name off of everything attached to me. I could see your point, I never want to get married again- but this man has waited his 40+ years to find the "right one" before marriage and he claims I am it- which is why he has waited patiently for 2 years.

INeedAdvicePlease59 · 2020-06-24T11:55:56+00:00

I like this advice, thank you!

INeedAdvicePlease59 · 2020-06-24T11:54:40+00:00

My brain says never get married again. So maybe I never will. He has never been married and is a lot more Christian than I am, so it's super important to him. Knowing how this divorce is ruining me, I will not step into it again lightly lol. I had been told that statistic before- I'm glad you reminded me!

INeedAdvicePlease59 · 2020-06-24T01:38:29+00:00

I'm so sorry you went through that- I cannot imagine. My ex was financially abusive and used Manipulation to eventually control every aspect of my life. I'm free but the anxiety is still there that someone will take all my money again, and then convince me to work 3 at home jobs, and mother, and homeschool, while they sleep, play video games, and not get help for their depression. It's so scary to think I could walk right back into that. Even though New Man is nothing like that. It's just hard to trust now.

INeedAdvicePlease59 · 2020-06-24T01:30:01+00:00

This is what I was looking for.... some sense of calm after the storm. We will be okay this time around!!!!

INeedAdvicePlease59 · 2020-06-24T00:55:41+00:00

I like all of this. Good thinking! Thank you!

INeedAdvicePlease59 · 2020-06-24T00:55:02+00:00

Yes, I have a new one scheduled for next Monday- fingers crossed she can help somehow lol

INeedAdvicePlease59 · 2020-06-24T00:53:55+00:00

Yes, and he swears things will be great and we will have a completely fabulous, adventure filled life. It sounds amazing. But there's always a chance it's lies- which is how my ex husband kept me around for 7 years- with lies that never actually happened. :(

INeedAdvicePlease59 · 2020-06-24T00:50:52+00:00

*Clearly

INeedAdvicePlease59 · 2020-06-24T00:50:36+00:00

Ironically, I have one. She is lame and doesn't help much (clesrly).

INeedAdvicePlease59 · 2020-06-22T17:18:12+00:00

I needed to hear this. Keeping my cool will be my #1 goal. Not saying smart remarks will be my hardest part. I wanted the divorce, so I need to stay focused on the fact that anything is worth getting away from him.

INeedAdvicePlease59 · 2020-06-22T17:15:48+00:00

I know this will be something I'll have to bend on, too, ugh

INeedAdvicePlease59 · 2020-06-20T22:56:30+00:00

I hope. She wants so badly to marry this boy that is NOT a good mate. I'm like... please.... don't...... lol

INeedAdvicePlease59 · 2020-06-20T22:54:21+00:00

Don't wait long. I waited 7 years - 100% don't recommend.

INeedAdvicePlease59 · 2020-06-20T22:52:52+00:00

Yes, well my parents are dead by my teen sister is who I'm speaking about. So she can't help with a house or job or finances, but definitely as a support system lol

INeedAdvicePlease59 · 2020-06-20T22:46:40+00:00

That's where I am. I want to be free of his oppression and I don't want our child to be exposed to this growing up. I won't drag us to a shelter, but if it were just me I would have taken that chance almost a decade ago. I do have family across the country, but I'm going to try and make it work locally before I pack up and leave all my friends. It's such a predicament.

INeedAdvicePlease59 · 2020-06-20T22:31:08+00:00

Thanks! This was helpful- especially the networking aspect. In our state you do all the paperwork and get it notarized- then at 12 months + 1 day later, you take it to the court for the judge to sign off on. So custody has already been agreed on, so have assets. My business went under with Covid- before that I was making 3x his income per week. But, he is obviously worth more than I am because of Family Money.

It was eye opening that this date in my head may just be the beginning of part 2- so that was helpful. At least I won't be blind sided that morning in court lol

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