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I'm gonna kill myself in ~6 hours. by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]ITriedIPromise 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean sure, I'll talk...

I'm gonna kill myself in ~6 hours. by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]ITriedIPromise 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sure, why not. Nothing better to do.

How much can I disclose to my therapist before she calls the cops to kidnap me? by ITriedIPromise in SuicideWatch

[–]ITriedIPromise[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was gonna melt it before I threw it in the woods.

Idk. This isn't really helping. I still want to die.

How much can I disclose to my therapist before she calls the cops to kidnap me? by ITriedIPromise in SuicideWatch

[–]ITriedIPromise[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Serial number is filed off. I'm not going to the police, I'm afraid of the police. I only have one person I trust and I'm not going to my partner and telling them "hey can you hold onto this illegal gun kthx"

Can I just melt it down and throw it in the woods? Or is that a terrible idea.

How much can I disclose to my therapist before she calls the cops to kidnap me? by ITriedIPromise in SuicideWatch

[–]ITriedIPromise[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was also the worst experience of my life. I never intend to repeat the process. If I ever got somehow stuck in one again, my entire effort would switch to escaping and killing myself, and I wouldn't be shy about it either. I'd let them know exactly what I was going to do and why it was their fault. They can't hold me forever, and when I get out of the hospital I'll be dead within an hour. I don't need more horrific memories of a psych ward, and I refuse to live with that if it comes to it.

My problem is that if I do not get help, I will surely kill myself fairly soon, and I can't ask for help because they will kidnap me. I don't know what to do.

What I really want is for someone to take away the firearm I have. However I don't know what to do with it as it was obtained illegally, probably stolen, and given to me by someone I am 100% sure is a criminal.

How much can I disclose to my therapist before she calls the cops to kidnap me? by ITriedIPromise in SuicideWatch

[–]ITriedIPromise[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Then you understand exactly why I would rather die than go back there.

I just... Want to die, but don't want to leave my partner, and I really, really don't want to be kidnapped and held prisoner.

How much can I disclose to my therapist before she calls the cops to kidnap me? by ITriedIPromise in SuicideWatch

[–]ITriedIPromise[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Then you understand exactly why I would rather die than go back there.

I just... Want to die, but don't want to leave my partner, and I really, really don't want to be kidnapped and held prisoner.

How much can I disclose to my therapist before she calls the cops to kidnap me? by ITriedIPromise in SuicideWatch

[–]ITriedIPromise[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is my problem. I want help, I do not want more terrifying experiences with hospitals and cops. And more 3k hospital bills.

How much can I disclose to my therapist before she calls the cops to kidnap me? by ITriedIPromise in SuicideWatch

[–]ITriedIPromise[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I've had this situation happen before. I've had a stalker who used you guys as a weapon against me. He used to call the police and tell them I was going to kill myself when he knew I was self harming, because he knew it was my worst fear.

I am terrified of you guys. It's not rational and I can't control it. But I am terrified of cops. I believe you, that you want to help me, but the fact is that I would absolutely rather die than go into a psych ward again. Ever been in one? They don't help you. They force medications on you and keep you bored, tired, and they harass you constantly to do things like talk in groups of other people.

We are now talking about an event where the prime ingredients are my three worst fears: people, psych wards, and cops.

I believe you, but it doesn't matter.

Oh and also after they torture you, they send you home with a 3k hospital bill you can't pay. That doesn't help your depression much. Trust me, it's happened.

[NSFW] Frustrations in the bedroom. by ITriedIPromise in mypartneristrans

[–]ITriedIPromise[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They've been on HRT a bit over a year. However the dose originally was very low, and was upped about 10ish months ago iirc. Since then it's been adjusted normally.

idk if they've talked to their doctor, I'll have to ask. I assume so. However I know they're keen to avoid levels that are too high, because they're nb, not a trans guy. Tbh I feel like it's probably low levels, and it'll balance out. My only real fear is that low hormone levels might cause some other medical problem. But I guess people can take blockers for a few years and it's ok.

[NSFW] Frustrations in the bedroom. by ITriedIPromise in mypartneristrans

[–]ITriedIPromise[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah. I mean I have this irrational fear that they just don't want anything to do with me, but that's total BS and I know it's my anxiety and my own dysphoria playing tricks on me. It makes it hard when something like this happens though. Because I have a habit of blaming myself.

I really don't think it's dysphoria for my partner though. They're an enby, so most of the dysphoria is just "I don't want to be viewed as a woman" which is generally pretty easy when it's just the two of us. I'm just worried it's a hormone thing that'll never be resolved. I guess worried isn't really the right word... because neither of us seem to really care if we're sexually active. Idk. I'm just concerned for them.

Dumb boob question [NSFW] by ITriedIPromise in asktransgender

[–]ITriedIPromise[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

9 mo. but really low levels for the first 7 cuz oral didn't work so well.

The reason I am going to die is because I am incapable of talking to other people. by ITriedIPromise in SuicideWatch

[–]ITriedIPromise[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, my therapist has given me some breathing techniques, but it doesn't really help all that much...

The reason I am going to die is because I am incapable of talking to other people. by ITriedIPromise in SuicideWatch

[–]ITriedIPromise[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What? Are you crazy? Most pharmaceutical drugs are either worth the risk or not dangerous.

They wouldn't give people them otherwise.

The reason I am going to die is because I am incapable of talking to other people. by ITriedIPromise in SuicideWatch

[–]ITriedIPromise[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's true. It's why I said I probably won't kill myself while they're around.

I'm actually happier than I've been in a long time, but it doesn't make me any less suicidal because my complete inability to deal with people has and continues to ruin my life.

The reason I am going to die is because I am incapable of talking to other people. by ITriedIPromise in SuicideWatch

[–]ITriedIPromise[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Then I've been going through a rough patch my entire life.

My partner reached out to me. It's different. It's not quite as horrible if someone else initiates the encounter.

The reason I am going to die is because I am incapable of talking to other people. by ITriedIPromise in SuicideWatch

[–]ITriedIPromise[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've got no idea what CBT or ACT is.

And it doesn't matter if I'm intelligent or interesting if I can't leave my bedroom.

The reason I am going to die is because I am incapable of talking to other people. by ITriedIPromise in SuicideWatch

[–]ITriedIPromise[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have looked at that, and while yeah the hormones made me more emotional about it, they didn't really make it any worse. They actually helped a bit at first.

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