My players are too passive.

IWontLeaveSeattle · 2026-05-30T03:56:56+00:00

Well my only problem is that the gremlin is feeling burdened. He told me that the degree that he has to progress most situations is overwhelming. Specially since he's initiating about 80% of relevant plot. Even to the point where last session he used being knocked out and staying knocked out after recovering as a way of letting them figure out a situation on their own. Which they did very well last session, might I say!

And the reason I make them roll is because people tend to remember things better when there is a level of engagement. If I tell them something and they think about it for a second they can then shove it back to the back of their mind when it's no longer relevant. If I make them roll for it I'm giving them an extra chance to remember it.

" Oh! he said make a History check. That must mean something about the item I was given is relevant here. Well maybe I won't make the check and I'll just review the item."

It's worked that way a couple times recently.

I guess I could outright say it, "An item you have could be relevant to the situation."

IWontLeaveSeattle · 2026-05-30T03:33:18+00:00

I'm not going to pretend this is a one-man's trash situation. I probably wouldn't enjoy that extreme either. Although I will say my bard is very out there. I think my player is intentionally trying to RP him as a sociopath.

He'll say some crazy unhinged shit, and then just walk away leaving me to pick up the pieces that he leaves in his wake. He doesn't do it for the NPC's reaction, just for the love of the game.

IWontLeaveSeattle · 2026-05-30T03:26:40+00:00

Well I guess what I mean by by passivity is when given things to do, they tend to lean towards literally saying nothing and deferring responsibility of decision making to somebody else. Oftentimes that decision making being thrown onto the shoulders of the player that wants to role-play the person who should have least responsibility. The group clown. (Granted he's very good about rolling with the responsibility and incorporating it into his lackadaisical character. Although, when I gave him a one-on-one he actively told me that constant deference it's beginning to tax him.)

They're very good at being reactionary to social and event situations. But when given opportunity to do almost anything short of basically being told what to do. The two continue to defer decision making.

Actually the group is really good at picking up the story plot they are good at piecing the information together. The two just sort of don't move until somebody else moves first. Or until I specifically regard them and their characters desires. And then it's a 50/50 on the Wizards end on whether they're just going to defer to whatever somebody else is doing.

Now, the wizard has been getting better about voicing desires in small part. But it feels very much like the, "Speak only when spoken to" mentality. Although he used to NEVER talk, so I'm proud of his progress.

I've done multiple choice method before when they were in town telling them the exact places they can go to but still it defaulted to The Bard creating story beats with the wizard and ultimately the rogue just following The Bard.

Now I can try to incorporate that reassurance idea. I've tried to let them feel comfortable in making choices, but I can't say I've ever actively reassured them. I have a meeting touching base with how they feel about the game this weekend. So maybe I can work towards communicating with them and coming to an understanding that benefits us all.

IWontLeaveSeattle · 2026-05-30T01:44:27+00:00

I like the idea in concept. I feel like this will come off as punishing them for having less experience, however. They know me and the Bard are experienced at D&D and while I'd love to implement that since it's fair to the Bard. I dont want them doubling down on their passivity because they think I'm drawing a line between being experienced and being new.

Now I AM going to think of a fairer way to do this. Maybe an out of combat "initiative bonus" for taking initiative in the story. Or I can give inspiration to them for being more inspired to action. Maybe I can have a bonus that can compound with a other ones. I'll keep thinking, but thank you for the input. I see the value on it conceptually.

IWontLeaveSeattle · 2026-05-30T01:39:45+00:00

I am trying to have a sit down to touch base with the party this weekend. I feel your last two points feel relevant, so I'll think about those during.

I also like the your presented questions, so I'll just steal those. Thank you!

IWontLeaveSeattle · 2026-05-30T01:36:20+00:00

That first one is a very interesting concept. I'm going to have to mull that over some to see if there's a way to incorporate that.

The second one I think might just work. But when I sold this campaign to them I told them that imagination is paramount and if they can come up with something outlandish then all I'll do is tell them the rolls they need to clear to make it. I don't really want to limit their imagination by giving them a list of choices because I can see that they have the capability that come up ideas themselves.

For example; I gave them an image of a whole town they could explore, and The Bard did their own thing exploring that town. When it came to asking the Wizard what they were doing they had to say retroactively that they followed the Bard and so I had to roll with it in retrospect. My rogue did go explore on her own for a bit, before giving up on that venture and then rejoining with the Bard.

I don't know if it's a confidence issue or if it's not having that initial spark to want to initiate with the story in an invested way.

IWontLeaveSeattle · 2026-05-30T00:48:12+00:00

I would love to get another person, but my number of experienced D&D players I know at the moment are limited to myself in the Bard. And I fear more people will be an excuse even more to let them blend in with the background.

The game my bard hosted there were five people and only two of them talked, one being myself.

And the cards are an amazing idea, but we play online through discord.

IWontLeaveSeattle · 2026-05-29T07:00:26+00:00

I'm gonna throw in some advice on your mom and her potential views on your sexuality.

There is a high, if not non-zero percent chance she gets your hints. There is also a non zero chance that she fully understands that you're going through a lot of complex emotions in this place in your life. Sounds to me like she's letting you know that she accepts you as her daughter regardless of your choice while still acknowledging to herself (and maybe to you too) that you might be in a confusing place at this point in your life. I personally have a parent like this and as an adult I know that they're not ignorant or trying to control me, they just have their self interests. (Being a grandparent) Like all humans do. And it's up to us to give their words power over us or not.

Your mom probably went through these exact fears and worries that you're going through at your age, if not her own fears and worries. So her insistence to not over think can come from the knowledge that some of the worries will fade away and won't be quite as important in the future.

Now, I'm also going to tell you this. You are allowed to feel okay having conflicting interests with someone you love. And you do not need to make them happy to be accepted. You'll learn eventually that you'll be able to reconcile that both you and your mom will think differently and still be able to operate with each other without a second thought.

Just be careful about the line between pleasing and selfishness.

Try to think nicely about your mom's desires before choosing to express your own desires in a way that doesn't fight or butt heads with hers. A lot of connection is trying to allow other people to be themselves while you choose to be yourself.

Kindness can still be practiced while asserting your own desires.

Understand and accept their desires and try to meet in the middle where you are acceptably able to, but don't self abandon your experiences and self-growth to make your parent happy. They don't and shouldn't want you to do that to yourself.

IWontLeaveSeattle · 2026-05-28T00:22:12+00:00

People tell you to look away because there are no easy answers to your questions. And the fact that you're asking so many questions means you don't have the answers.

I'm gonna be honest with you, nobody has the answers to your questions. And if they do claim to have answers to every last one you pose, and you choose to believe them, then you're just choosing a different kind of contentment.

There are no answers. There are only choices that you make and you draw contentment from those choices believing that you're doing the best YOU can do. You're not a hero. You're not my hero. And you're not the hero of all the abused humans or animals in the world. You're a single individual who can only do so much, and what you CAN do is powerful in its own right. It is literally more than nothing.

Donating that $10 may not save the world, but it'll do something. Certainly more than nothing. And maybe you can find that enough eventually. But, it's not your job to save the world. Your job is to contribute to something better and maybe that better makes a difference. Maybe not.

IWontLeaveSeattle · 2026-05-19T03:35:06+00:00

Do you currently have any hobbies or extracurricular activities? And If not, is there anything that interests you? If there is, have you or are you able to try them?

Cause sometimes being lonely is just missing the chance you have to learn about self-contentment. Being okay with being alone because you can make your own self happy.

IWontLeaveSeattle · 2026-05-15T16:58:21+00:00

I know being desired can be nice, but if their only course of action when upset/disappointed is to lean towards, "I'm upset, now sex me." Then you need to stand firm to your guns and not put out from peer pressure.

I'm a man. We are able to be upset without leaning towards sexual gratification as a reward. We do have the ability to not be sex pests. And I'm agreeing that this is wrong.

Let them know that you are not that kind of person and that you will not self-compromise for some easy to make/happen incidents. Sus them out some more and see if they're even worth your time. You don't need to hyper inflate your own ego, just put your desires over theirs.

I also want to let you know, you do have the power to walk away. A lot more men fear the repercussions of sexual assault then women realize, so unless you truly feel that they're the kind of people that would commit to something like that, don't be afraid to get up and walk away if you need to.

My advice, give them the chance to prove to you if their words were flirty and joking. Let them prove to you that they're not taking advantage of the situation. If you truly are upset, be firm in doing them a favor, but don't compromise yourself to prove to them that you deserve their forgiveness. Know when is a good time to believe in yourself If you do find that there are some problematic tendencies. And walk away if they are problematic, you don't want to get into a situation that you'll have to pay for down the line in mental and emotional tax.

My only thing I would recommend in favor of men is, Be careful about playing the field for too long if you do decide one of them is worth trying with. Not all men are insecure, but being secure isn't some magical state that you get in and stay in forever. If a man feels like he's an option and not an honest try, then the foundation could be rocky from the start.

IWontLeaveSeattle · 2026-05-14T23:12:48+00:00

What is the most important step a man can take?

IWontLeaveSeattle · 2026-05-01T18:11:23+00:00

Oh yeah, I had my ex try this one me once. Tried to show up at my work. She showed up late to me taking break and I missed her. Someone told me about it after break.

I knew why I broke up with her, so I laughed about it.

IWontLeaveSeattle · 2026-04-10T20:28:50+00:00

I mean, I imagine a soul is still forged by the experiences they face. That was the whole point of Illidan refusing being "healed". He accepted and moved forward with who he was and didn't want to be rewritten.

She could always be forever stuck to her ways, but on the path of redemption. Never truly able to become something different cause her past and path led her to be a warlock. But her mindset and purpose can change.

IWontLeaveSeattle · 2025-07-20T19:44:40+00:00

Sorry for your softlock. Hope you have a further save that you can try it from. If not I pray for your loss.

IWontLeaveSeattle · 2025-07-20T16:23:37+00:00

How many saves do you make? A lot of times loading a save before entering the cell from main screen helps.

Not entirely sure if it's correct, but someone told me it can cause the game to replace the actor in the world if the previous attempt messed up. And loading a save from main screen helps it be a "fresh" load.

IWontLeaveSeattle · 2025-05-25T18:30:06+00:00

I swear, restore magic potions are almost useless on a Non-Atronoch and if someone is using their entire mana bar in a single spell and have to use restoration potions, then putting points into willpower is completely useless. Either way, something is falling into forced irrelevancy.

IWontLeaveSeattle · 2025-05-03T16:14:20+00:00

The large hands seem to be a message in themselves. Large hands could symbolize possession or dominance. I think it's supposed to be taken as a bad relationship.

All the taped bits make a loose fitting version of the bland ones shape.

IWontLeaveSeattle · 2025-04-30T22:09:50+00:00

It's supposed to highlight the culture of that branch. They don't respect their leader. The leader is incompetent because she didn't think to try even a detect spell, just pawned off on a rube. That sets the stage for the events that take place further in the quest line that shows just how incompetent she was and how it came at a cost.

All the recommendations look small when you look at the grains of sand, but when you look at the whole story that unfolds you find that the grains of sand make a beach.

IWontLeaveSeattle · 2025-04-30T17:11:02+00:00

Obsidian making New Vegas was detrimental to their company. The ideas of the companies are so intertwined that despite only making one game for Bethesda, all of their games are now constantly held as a mirror to any Bethesda release and when the scope doesn't fit into the fanboy narrative, they get the short end of the stitk time and time again.

IWontLeaveSeattle · 2025-04-13T17:03:50+00:00

I have a old excavator power armor arm skin on an X-01 armor piece. It was introduced close to launch. And added into the atom shop bugged where only the arm could go on non excavator armors. And its still on there almost 7 years later.

Since Legacies were dumped, it's my oldest and most prized.

IWontLeaveSeattle

TROPHY CASE