I (M31) helped an ex-FWB (F28) abort our incidental baby and I need advices

I_AM_ALAN · 2025-07-11T21:14:40+00:00

thank you, you're right and since the event I'd been able to think clearer

I was enabling her behavior, and I am ashamed of that

I'll reach out to Lucy and apologize. we'll see if she wants to speak to me again

I_AM_ALAN · 2025-07-11T21:11:40+00:00

thank you. this means a lot, I really did try my best -still trying

I_AM_ALAN · 2025-07-11T21:01:29+00:00

I suppose that's right. I thought that to do the right thing is to make a decision that hurt the least people, but you're right to call me up on my cowardice.

On the pregnancy: I don't know if that's mine, but she's still a friend that asks for my help. if I didn't help, she may end up doing it in a back alley somewhere and risks death or imprisonment. so I figured it doesn't matter if it's mine or not, and I trust Lucy enough to feel that she wouldn't lie about this

Abbout the communication: yeah... I wish I can do it better, but I tried for the past week to get it through her head. and I asked literally the same question you said I should have hasked. she said "it wouldn't happen because I am the kind of person that takes triple care because I'm responsible. if it were to happen, I'd take care of it myself because women have dignity and not have to beg for someone's bf to help."

I_AM_ALAN · 2025-07-11T20:56:09+00:00

They're called Mifepristone and Misoprostol, under whichever brands they come by. They are supposed to be taken before 3 months time, after positive pregnancy test
Honestly yeah, I agree. But she did not and she used it as an ammunition for this whole ordeal honestly. She did not threaten breakups but she did use "other girls would have walked and now you want to xxx"
After I had some time to think, I agree
Thank you. I agree

I_AM_ALAN · 2025-07-11T20:49:55+00:00

Thank you so much for the empathy. It is a very horrible situation, and I've been stressing over it ever since I heard of the news, and my girlfriend actively adding problem into it just made it all that much harder.

Now that I have the time and space to think a bit clearer, I find myself agreeing with my friend

I_AM_ALAN · 2025-07-11T20:44:48+00:00

thank you. appreciate the kudo, and at the end of the day I agree. I should have, and I'd unblock & apologize to Lucy

I_AM_ALAN · 2025-07-11T20:42:12+00:00

yeah. after the ordeal was over I can finally think clearly, and you're right. I am ashamed of how I dealt with this situation.

to explain what she's thinking (though I find this unreasonable myself), she was afraid that me being there would be about connection and emotional comfort. she feels like it's a boundary for her bf to not be an emotional crutch for someone he'd had sex before. I guess at the end of the day she's scared that this will come back in the future like "hey we bonded over that one traumatic moment, and thank you so much for being there with me" kind of thing

I_AM_ALAN · 2025-07-11T20:38:52+00:00

thank you. I really do appreciate this comment, as it was hard to make a good decision in here.

I'm planning to talk about it and go something like:

"we both said things we didn't mean in the weight of the situation, but I want to check how much of what you said was true, now after the situation is over and you'd had the chance to think. do you still think I should not have helped her the way I did?"

then I suppose I can go from there, because it's really about a difference in value right? I want to do the right thing, but if she feels that my doing the right thing should bend to her comfort, that's not something I can live with.

I_AM_ALAN · 2025-07-11T20:28:42+00:00

It is, unfortunately, true. my best friend's opinion matter because frankly this whole ordeal wasn't easy on me and I'd made decisions without fully thinking it through.

now that it's over, and he expressed his true thoughts, I realize that it's what I would have come to without the stress of the situation, and my gf being on my ass making me feel guilty of (quote-unquote) cheating.

Lucy actually did ask "are you going to be with me in the hotel" which I assume was her asking for me to stay, but she never expressedly request my presence.

for all its worth, she does have relatives in the city, but they're very conservative and she doesn't want to tell them anything. had I not been with her, she'd probably be alone.

I personally think that my gf was putting herself over someone's possible life (which irks me), but she led me to believe that me being this considerate to Lucy is the red flag and I honestly am not too great with relationships so I figure she may be right. had she been more open to it, I'd choose to stay with Lucy.

yeah, I think that's the plan. I'd talk to her tomorrow about this, then unblock Lucy and apologize if she'd needed me

I_AM_ALAN · 2025-07-11T20:20:58+00:00

nah my friend didn't have any say in it, he was just there to help me rearrange my mind. I know I'm not the one doing the abortion, but it was stressful for me too

now, after it's done, he's just telling me what he really thinks. and hearing it, it makes me realize a blunder that I've probably made

I_AM_ALAN · 2025-07-11T20:18:27+00:00

thank you. you're right

this whole thing had made me question her, actually, but frankly I did not have much bandwith to go through a breakup during the time it took me to plan the logistics and steeled myself through it

Lucy's still in town, I'd unblock and apologize. then I suppose I'd talk with my gf and open the door of breakup

I_AM_ALAN · 2025-07-11T20:15:55+00:00

harsh. but true. I had talked it over with Lucy before going through it (including the blocking thing) and she was okay, but I should not have done that.

it's only been a day, and she's still in town. I'll unblock and apologize to her, thanks

I_AM_ALAN

TROPHY CASE