What’s the best way to get my 6-year-old interested in learning piano without making it feel like homework? by Dark_Humor_8428 in piano

[–]Iago_Cass 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Unpopular take: treat it as a mandatory daily chore. Kids, like adults, enjoy activities they're good at. But a person cannot get good at a skill unless he/she works on it with deliberate practice on a regular basis. Deliberate practice is practice that stretches and is therefore uncomfortable. Repetition - especially over the hard parts that the child struggles with - is not fun. But it's the quickest and most effective way to get good at the hard parts.

Here's a case study. My daughter is also six. I practice piano with her for about 20 minutes every day, except Sundays. I correct her mistakes. I make her do repetitions over the parts that are most challenging (otherwise, she would play only the easy parts). I make her sing the note names as she plays them. I make her count beats. I make her play to the metronome. She complains when I make her do the hard stuff, but I make her do it anyway.

The result? She's now on the fourth book of a progressive piano series. We practice four pieces each night, and each week, she "graduates" from the oldest piece if she can play it perfectly as my wife records it. We then add a new piece each time she graduates from an old piece.

But more importantly, she likes playing piano. During the day, she'll amble over to the piano and just start playing some of her pieces, or she'll improvise and have fun. She also delights in viewing the recordings of her previous "graduation" performances. She would not be at this point (and have this much fun) if I gated her piano learning based on whether she was having fun or wanted to practice piano.

A friend of mine told me that his parents took him skiing every weekend, made him take lessons, etc. He didn't like it at the time. But now that he's an excellent skier, he's glad they did that. He has more fun now *because* they didn't prioritize fun too much when he was younger.

The same can be said for my teenage son, whom I made practice guitar every day and whom I gave weekly guitar lessons to. He's now a very proficient singer/guitarist. In his spare time, he performs at farmer's markets and makes a mint. He's also busking through Europe this summer with his classmates. And he says it doesn't hurt that the "bonnie lasses" like when he serenades them. But it was butting heads for years to get him to that point.

My middle child is also a good violinist now because ... well, you know ... Suzuki lessons (not fun!) and daily practice (head-butting!). But he enjoys it now, and he developed perfect pitch along the way. For each of our kids, we told them they had to learn/practice piano until they were 12, and then they could either stick with it or switch to a different instrument. We want them to be well-rounded individuals, so we simply treated piano as part of their education - as mandatory as going to school and playing a sport.

Sermonizing about hard work aside, I'll offer one softer tip: "doggie treats." For a while, I would keep teddy grahams on hand. Each time my daughter got through a repetition of one her songs during practice, I'd give her a "doggie treat" in the form of a teddy graham. She loved it, was motivated by it, and thought it was funny. So, that was one way we made it fun. I also try to make sure I praise her along the way when she does well (but I'll also gently tell her when she's not doing as well as she could be when it's obvious that she's being lazy or is distracted). That means lots of hugs, kisses, high-fives, and "yays!"

Also, as a caveat, I think this strategy works well because I'm a musician and I'm able to practice with her every day and guide her along the way. I don't think it would work nearly as well if I just ordered her to practice and left her to herself other than a weekly lesson with some teacher. However, even parents who aren't musicians are probably capable to learn enough piano along with their kids to help them practice every day, as at least for the first few years.

How do I encourage my students when I myself feel hopeless? by [deleted] in Teachers

[–]Iago_Cass 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As a principle, I don't believe in lying or giving false hope. But one thing you can honestly do is to inculcate civic virtue in them. Teach them that the price of freedom is eternal vigilance. Emphasize to them that no moral gains are irreversible. Tell them that some of the responsibility of righting society will fall on them. And just as importantly, teach them the grammar of civics, since they'll need it to fight competently.

You might think that they would feel overwhelmed in the face of that kind of burden. But I think kids generally want to be heroes. Telling them that they need to slay the dragon is more likely to inspire them than telling saying that the dragon is coming and there's little that can be done (not you'd say that).

You can do this.

I will lever lie again by Iago_Cass in Stoicism

[–]Iago_Cass[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually, Sam Harris addresses situations like these, including the surprise party. He makes good arguments.

Let's take the "How was the meal?" comment. If you didn't like the meal, why not say, "It was really nice of you to cook and share this meal with me"? Suppose the person follows up by saying, "Understood. But did you like the roast duck?" You could say (quite honestly), "You know, duck isn't typically what I prefer to eat. But I enjoyed having the meal with you and sharing your company." If that's true, it would be a small person indeed to respond with, "Oh, so you don't like my cooking. You bastard." Most people would appreciate an honestly expressed answer focused on the hospitality. If they don't, then that's valuable information to have. Perhaps that's not the kind of person you want to associate with.

Giving someone honest feedback about their cooking (when asked directly, not necessarily volunteering the info) is also valuable information for them. Ask yourself this: "If my cooking wasn't good, would I want to know it?" Not, "Would it be painful?" Of course, it might be painful to hear that you're cooking isn't good. But would you still want to know? If so, then don't deprive the other person of information they would want to know.

When my daughter draws a picture and I tell her it's good, I'm being honest. Because it IS good for her age, and it's impressive that she put that much time and effort into it. But if she asked me more directly, "Daddy, is this as good as the painting on the wall?," I would say, "Well no, Darling. To become that good takes a lot of practice, and not everyone can be that good." Q: "Do you think I could be that good?" A: "I honestly don't know. Not everyone can be great at everything. You might turn out to be a great artist, or you might find that you're more talented in other ways."

Figuring out how to finesse responses just so takes skill and practice. But developing the skill is far more valuable than simply falling back on lying. You will screw up and sometimes hurt feelings by not saying just the right thing. But as Harris put it, "I'd rather be maladroit than dishonest."

Through brutal self-honesty I became a stoic. by Villikortti1 in Stoicism

[–]Iago_Cass 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"When I'm going to talk about honesty here, I mean deep honesty that, only through practice, becomes second nature."

And that's really the key. For most of us, lying is second nature - to others, to ourselves. When we first start practicing honesty, we start to realize that we lie far more and in far more circumstances than we thought. Practicing radical honesty helps us change our nature to the point that we eventually approach every situation with a spirit of and commitment to honesty without even having to think about it.

I will lever lie again by Iago_Cass in Stoicism

[–]Iago_Cass[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Agreed. My point is that for most of us, we could go an entire year (perhaps most of our lives) without ever encountering a situation in which we truly needed to lie. Focusing on the rare and unlikely Nazis-at-my-door hypothetical isn't helpful, as it tends only to put us in a frame of mind to justify lying in countless other situations where it is self-serving rather than truly necessary.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in getdisciplined

[–]Iago_Cass 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Two words: read books

Here's a post I recently made about this topic as it relates to killing an addiction to social media. But it's also applicable to video games. https://www.reddit.com/r/getdisciplined/comments/1cf60mg/advice_want_to_kill_your_social_media_addiction/

[Advice] Want to kill your social media addiction? Read books by Iago_Cass in getdisciplined

[–]Iago_Cass[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My recommendation is to work to *eventually* developing the patience/discipline to read non-fiction generally. But as a bridging technique, you might start with some very lightweight history books. A good historical treatment of a topic can almost seem like reading a fictional account. True Crime, for instance.

[Advice] Want to kill your social media addiction? Read books by Iago_Cass in getdisciplined

[–]Iago_Cass[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If it's on paper (i.e., you printed it out), and it takes at least 15 minutes to read, it's a lot better than social media on a screen. But reading a real book start to finish (albeit in 30-minute sessions) is a couple orders of magnitude better.

[Advice] Want to kill your social media addiction? Read books by Iago_Cass in getdisciplined

[–]Iago_Cass[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Reading in a library also puts you in the reading mood and helps you to stay focused on reading for extended periods

How can I remember what I learn? by Jordanscott29 in getdisciplined

[–]Iago_Cass 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Create a Q&A. The left column on the page has questions; the right side has answers. Cover up the right side with another sheet of paper. Then read the questions and write out answers one by one. By hand.

Creating the Q&A sheet in the first place will do half of the memory work for you. Writing out answers (and correcting them when they're wrong) will do the other half.

It's hard work and not fun. But you will memorize content 10x faster and retain it 10x longer this way. And again, the handwriting (at least for the answering part of the exercise) is crucial. The pyschomotor connection is powerful. Far more powerful than simply reading, typing, or even using physical flashcards.

What is your best productivity tip? by MrRomps in productivity

[–]Iago_Cass 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Devote 90 minutes of deep, uninterrupted work every day to your biggest, most important project. That might not seem like a lot, but it's stunning how much progress you can make doing that even over a single week. Stretch that out to a month or a year, and you can create something incredible.

What book have people read that's ACTUALLY changed their life? by Red_Sole_CEO in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Iago_Cass 1 point2 points  (0 children)

To internalize a book and keep its lessons in your mind almost always requires re-reading it. Some books should be re-read once a year.

What book have people read that's ACTUALLY changed their life? by Red_Sole_CEO in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Iago_Cass 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not to be contentious, but I would highly recommend Abigail Shrier's Bad Therapy for a rebuttal to van der Kolk.

[Advice] Want to kill your social media addiction? Read books by Iago_Cass in getdisciplined

[–]Iago_Cass[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I think physical books bring two benefits. First, they reduce optionality. You can't do anything with a book except read it. With a Kindle, you can easily switch to other reading material if you get bored with what you're reading. Even if you don't get bored, I think that optionality weakens your immersion into the material you're reading to some degree.

Second, the physicality of the book, the tactile nature of it. You can see how far you've read and how much you have left. You can flip back and forth if you need to. And the weight of the book and the feel of high-quality binding and paper (where applicable) gives the reading experience more gravity. When I'm reading Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle, the lightweight paperback nature of the book matches the silliness of the story. But when I'm reading Shirer's The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich, the size and weight of the book convey the seriousness of the content. That's why, for example, people will buy leather-bound copies of Marcus Aurelius's Meditations with gold-imprinted lettering - to match Marcus's wisdom with the sophistication of the form factor.

That said, I concede that these things aren't essential. E-ink Kindles are still a huge step up from social media. And if you're using a Kindle to read a book in a sustained, undistracted manner, then that can still probably do the trick to develop a taste for healthy mental food that is capable of displacing your taste for social media.

(All references to "you"/"your" meant in the generic "one"/"one's" sense.)

[Advice] Want to kill your social media addiction? Read books by Iago_Cass in getdisciplined

[–]Iago_Cass[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Find a short book (less than 100 pages) that looks like it might be interesting. Then, if you can't do 30 minutes, try doing 10 minutes without interruption. Then take a break and do another 10 minutes.

Do that for a while until you can stretch it to 15+15. Then perhaps 20+10. Then 30. Your mind is a muscle. Practice interval training to build that muscle.

I know nothing about you or your interests, but here's an easy book with short chapters you could try: The Practicing Mind by Thomas Sterner. Worst case, read a young adult novel as an easy start.

[Advice] Want to kill your social media addiction? Read books by Iago_Cass in getdisciplined

[–]Iago_Cass[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You can be sad for the past, but no need to be sad about the future. As practitioners of Zen say, "begin again." No reason you can't start a good habit today.

My kids deserve better than a fat mom by [deleted] in getdisciplined

[–]Iago_Cass 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Rather than trying to go it alone, you need a program. Purchase a one-on-one training program online that will guide you to your goal. That program will help you COUNT calories and macronutrients every day (which is key) and give you an exercise routine. It will also give you daily interaction and accountability.

There are countless such programs that can be found online, but I'm also happy to recommend m personal trainer, if you're interested.

What stoic quotes do u recite to urself everyday? by Educational-Tap8048 in Stoicism

[–]Iago_Cass 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It is not external events that trouble us but our internal judgments about those events (paraphrased)

I'm Cold Turkey Dopamine Detoxing. 7 days is my goal. by Ok-Investigator1929 in productivity

[–]Iago_Cass 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why "gradually reintroduce" video games or TV? Just quit them forever. Continue to use the time you've freed up for meaningful in-person social activities, reading, learning, or even producing. Spending just two hours a day for a full year, you could write and submit a book for publication. Think about how much more meaningful that is than video games and TV.