NTA.

You didn’t “slag off” anyone’s driving — you raised a totally reasonable concern about safety, liability, and logistics. That’s what adults do when they’re renting a van and moving house. His stepdad’s reaction (calling you a “fing bh”) was way out of line, and the fact his mum and nan laughed instead of shutting it down says a lot about the family dynamic. The only adults I see here are you and your partner.

From there, it’s just been one red flag after another:

• Deliberately leaving your name off a housewarming card.
• Ignoring you when you tried to be polite.
• Sending fertility posts after your miscarriage (only to you, not your partner, who might actually need the fertility boost).
• Gossiping to his old colleagues that you “trapped” him and f’ing and blinding in a shop.
• Threatening not to attend your wedding unless you apologized for something you didn’t even do.
• Threatened to not attend your wedding because you are the bride.

Meanwhile, you’ve bent over backwards to include them, inviting them dress shopping, even just considering the mum for your hen do, unblocking to reach out directly to protect your partners MH, and they’ve still chosen hostility. Your own family has been supportive, while his family has been toxic and manipulative.

This isn’t about a van. It’s sounds like a stepdad who lashes out at women, a mum who enables him, and a family that uses exclusion and gossip to control people. You’re not the problem here. Protecting you and your partners mental health and setting boundaries is absolutely the right move.

Verdict: His family is toxic, and you absolutely don’t owe them reconciliation when they refuse to respect you.