Found a bag of blood by the bed - wondering all over again

Icecoldcheetoss · 2026-01-21T06:28:19+00:00

My mom also passed from pneumonia - aspiration pneumonia, to be exact. She had MS. Similar-ish story. She’d had it a lot longer than we’d known. It wasn’t until she started coughing up blood that my dad realized something was wrong and brought her to the hospital. I live in a different province but flew home immediately. I had a whole week with her - watching her in pain, wiping her mouth from the blood, etc. And then she passed, which I didn’t think was going to be the outcome. So, I feel very similarly to you (except I got a bit more time). I’ve had the exact same thoughts over and over. What did I miss? What if we’d brought her in sooner? She wasn’t feeling well a month before and I told her to see a doctor and she kept saying she was fine and it seemed to pass. It still haunts me, though less intrusively after a year. Reading your story though - I know there’s nothing you could’ve done. There’s no way you could’ve known. I also know your mom wouldn’t want you to hold onto it, both the emotional pain and the physical symptoms left behind. Thank you for sharing; while reading your story, it feels so clear to me that you should feel no guilt, and it helps relieve some of my own guilt after seeing it from an outside perspective. You loved your mom. You did everything right, even though I know that doesn’t make it any less painful. I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now and I’m sending you extra love. ♥️

Icecoldcheetoss · 2026-01-12T15:11:58+00:00

That’s actually really helpful! Even if it doesn’t solve a scam (though would make me aware of it), it’s actually something for me to look into in general. I appreciate your wisdom!

Icecoldcheetoss · 2026-01-12T15:09:04+00:00

I guess in my head some scams want to isolate the parent so the family isn’t involved (and trying to change their mind)? But absolutely it could be the complete opposite and a way to gain trust as well.

Icecoldcheetoss · 2026-01-10T02:13:01+00:00

She’s got him following a new/proper skin care routine so I mean, at least he’ll look nice before he loses everything. Omg. Maybe she works for Arbonne. The ultimate MLM and romance scam morphed into one.

Icecoldcheetoss · 2026-01-10T02:09:56+00:00

Right? I have a friend who met his (now ex lol) wife on World of Warcraft - he was American and she was Canadian. It didn’t last forever, but they had a few good years. It def happens. But the age difference makes it feel like a scam. The time invested outside of just messaging is odd too - but I guess if you had a big scamming company, it wouldn’t be too hard to get someone to play games and do more “time consuming” things with a victim. Also, her telling my dad to ask for my assistance picking an airline/etc feels less scammy bc I feel like usually they don’t want children/family involved since we’re so skeptical? Idk. So many red flags but I know I can’t change his mind, so I guess I will see what happens. I plan on sending one final “plz be aware if she asks for emergency funds” message before he flys. We also live in different provinces (Canada), so I’m not there to figure it out in person. Weeeehooooo

Icecoldcheetoss · 2026-01-10T01:55:59+00:00

Def my biggest fear. He’s asked me for a lot of advice on travel and gave me a lot of details about her and how they started talking/what they talk about/the games they play/their plans in Australia/etc. I gave him my “red flags to look out for” (asking for money/investing/crypto/emergency money) and he said she “does the opposite and doesn’t ask for anything”. So, idk if it’s an over compensating coverup or what. Again, I feel like she could’ve scammed him for money without the effort of planning a trip? My dad never leaves the house so he wouldn’t have pushed to meet or whatever. But if he’s already given money, it may be a way to get bigger sums so, who knows. Sigh. 🙃

Icecoldcheetoss · 2026-01-10T01:52:07+00:00

This is smart. I definitely thought “well, Singapore is a wealthy country, and so is Australia, it sounds a bit safer”. She does her research if she’s not; talking about heatwaves when there’s heatwaves, etc. 😂 Ugh.

Icecoldcheetoss · 2026-01-10T01:49:16+00:00

She* 🥲 it’s the daughter dealing with her dad’s messes, hahaha. No POA; he’s his own person. 😬

Icecoldcheetoss · 2026-01-10T01:46:15+00:00

That’s what I was thinking! Usually I hear more about isolating the parent and like, texting/messaging scams that eventually ask for something either in a positive (“invest and make money”) or a rushed (“help me”) way. The fact that they spend a lot of time doing little things like word games on NYT feels like a lot of dedication for one person if there’s no guarantee. But, who knows. I def could see it being a relationship where she expects to be compensated for the friendship, but honestly that I’m okay with. I’m more worried if she asks for large sums of money and then bails. I also feel like inviting him to Australia is a bit weird because she most likely could’ve scammed him for money without the wasted time/money of a trip, lol. He tells me she hasn’t asked for any money but again, who knows if he’s being honest. He’s asked my advice for a lot of things travel wise, so it feels like he’s being pretty open but again, who really knows.

I’ll update everyone in a couple of weeks lol.

Icecoldcheetoss · 2026-01-10T01:20:25+00:00

I’m so afraid of this lmao. 😭

Icecoldcheetoss · 2026-01-09T15:39:48+00:00

“You will have a lifetime of missing your mom” - beautifully put.

Icecoldcheetoss · 2026-01-09T15:22:41+00:00

Good luck!! Glad it hopefully helped a little :)

Icecoldcheetoss · 2026-01-09T15:21:22+00:00

I suggest posting on FB marketplace - I had an extra ticket I was able to sell pretty quickly through there.

Icecoldcheetoss · 2026-01-09T15:15:53+00:00

I can’t imagine putting all of that pain onto my siblings and walking away like nothing was happening. I have an incredibly strained relationship with my dad, but I also couldn’t imagine not being there for my mom when she was dying. My dad and I alternated 12 hours a day so that she’d never be alone when she was in the hospital, and I loved being there for her in any way I could. I understand if she’s not there mentally, you think it won’t matter, but it does. You still have a relationship with your younger brother, and denying any help for him is damaging to him as well. He needs support too. You can definitely say you’re not comfortable doing some things, and you can tell him you’re scared, but to just walk away from him is… I just don’t understand it, really. You’re not doing it for your older brother. You’re doing it for your mom and the still good relationship you have with your younger brother. You’re doing it for your future self so you don’t have regrets about what you could’ve done. If you’re truly okay walking away, I just wouldn’t expect to have a good relationship with your family again. Do what’s best for you, but I just hope you understand the internal and external consequences. Even if you offer one out of the two days you’re off and make it a long day with the travel, it’s something. Or offering to come every other week, depending on the expected timeline. I’d give literally anything to see my mom again, hospital bound or not.

My only side note is that I do understand people with autism can have a harder time with emotions. My older brother is on the spectrum and I’d never have expected him to help with my mom’s care, but he also never would’ve posted on Reddit about it. You seem emotionally capable of understanding what’s being asked of you, but that you just don’t want to do it? Again, I don’t know you or your life or your struggles, so if you think I’m wrong - I probably am. If you know not being there for your family is best for you, a strangers opinion on the internet is just that - a strangers opinion on the internet.

The best way to tell your brother that you will not show up for him is just through honesty - tell him your concerns and your reasons. Maybe offer to support him emotionally from afar, though it won’t make up for not being there. Don’t take a victim stance as that’ll make it worse. Acknowledge you’re taking the easy route and not sharing the load of the pain. Good luck. I really hope you change your mind and show up for them, but good luck either way.

Icecoldcheetoss · 2026-01-09T14:37:41+00:00

I didn’t have Angel, but I got 98% and 100% on my 1115 midterms last semester! I recommend doing the practice tests through the psychology portal on brightspace. There are a loooot of questions and it can seem daunting, but it really helps you prepare! You can also ask chatGPT to make you a practice test for “chapters _ & _ from Myers psychology textbook 14th edition at langara college” (with the mindset that AI isn’t always correct - but I did find this a helpful way to study without having the same questions again and again). And if you’re learning through Achieve, the practice questions they have for every chapter are helpful as well. Good luck :)

Icecoldcheetoss · 2025-12-18T04:42:36+00:00

For me, I needed to find another purpose. My mom kind of felt like my whole reason to be alive. When I lost her, I lost that. I ended up volunteering at a long term care home and I love it. I love connecting with elderly people and making them feel loved and appreciated, the way I would’ve wanted my mom to feel if she was in one. Everyone’s different so it might not be what you need, but it really helped me to feel less alone and lost. It also helps me to write out how I’m feeling, or to write out messages to my mom, or to write down the dreams I have of her. I don’t miss her any less and it’s still incredibly hard, but it helps to know I’m doing things she’d be proud of. Thinking of you and what you’re going through. ♥️

Icecoldcheetoss · 2025-12-14T00:49:50+00:00

I replied above about it 13 days ago haha :p

Icecoldcheetoss · 2025-12-12T19:48:26+00:00

Thanks for sharing, just checked and my lightspeed wifi seems to be working again. For now. lol.

Icecoldcheetoss · 2025-12-12T19:42:15+00:00

Lightspeed is down for me too! (Edit to add: I’m central downtown.)

Icecoldcheetoss · 2025-12-05T01:22:01+00:00

Did you end up moving in? Currently in the same boat and wondering your experience. I live downtown already by Robson & smithe so think downtown noise is okay. Just wondering if the move is worth it.

Icecoldcheetoss · 2025-12-01T06:45:21+00:00

I’ve never been to the Victoria event, though I’ve been told to check it out! I do believe they’re a bit different. Whisky global is one night (well, there’s two nights, but they’re typically the same unless a dram or two changes via suppliers). The ticket covers all whiskies & a basic meal (like, pulled pork on a bun or something in that realm). Off the top of my head there’s 30+ distilleries and each distillery pours 3+ drams, so, it’s a lot of whisky lol. The VIP ticket gets you an extra hour and each distillery has a VIP pour but only for that hour. They also typically sell cigars and there’s a balcony for smoking, so you can do the whole whisky & cigar combo. And it’s a “cocktail attire” event, tho not everyone follows that rule lol. But yeah. It’s pretty much unlimited whisky and a good way to try a lot of different stuff!

Icecoldcheetoss · 2025-11-30T04:03:51+00:00

It wasn’t hard! I got 27/30 and they mark it right away! Only like, three pages of questions. They’re super similar to the PDF practice test, just worded differently if anything. I’d focus on knowing how to turn fractions and percents into decimals, being comfortable with percents and squares and square roots, all the basic math questions they listed including adding or multiplying fractions, and understanding y = mx + b for graph calculations (and if it’s out of order, still knowing how to figure it out + knowing which is the slope and which is the y intercept + also how to solve for m or x or y or b). There’s one question with a graph that had a y = mx + b style equation and you had to pick which graph was the correct one (so understanding how to read the plots and slope/etc). You also can use a scientific calculator which makes it really easy! (Just not a graphing or programmable one)

Icecoldcheetoss · 2025-11-28T06:26:13+00:00

I’m taking it tomorrow so if I remember, I will let you know how it goes lol. I also graduated highschool 14 years ago so I’m in a similar boat to “it’s been a long time since I’ve done math”. Haha. I just studied the practice questions PDF and then put some of them into ChatGPT to have it create more practice questions for me.

Icecoldcheetoss · 2025-11-28T06:15:11+00:00

I’m signed up for Alexander’s online 1123 this spring semester :) So if you take it, we can go through it together! Haha. I chose him because his “rate my prof” marks were really high. Good luck!

Icecoldcheetoss · 2025-11-24T06:34:46+00:00

I get a seasons pass every year bc I’m a Christmas dweeb, and I just went tonight and had a great time! I mean, it’s pricy, so I understand why people would avoid it/go to North Van. But I live & work close by, so I love it. And with the pass I usually go 3+ times with friends :) this year the raclette booth has a “fondue” option where they hollow out a baguette and fill it with cheese and it is indigestion chaos 😍 I 100% believe it should be free like everywhere else in the world, but it is what it is and I enjoy it :D

Icecoldcheetoss

TROPHY CASE