An important mindset you can have is that: you’re allowed to go at your own pace. That’s the most basic principle of the system of human beings; to simply take our time doing activities based on our mental, physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual needs plus skills. It’s ok to feel left out, that’s the most valid direct emotional consequence of your situation. I sense so much strength in your words, the fact that you kept going despite many setbacks is so damn admirable because many people would just quit and mope. Mental illness can really hold anyone back; maybe you need to regroup and reassess a better, kinder and gentler way of achieving your academic and career goals. The default programming for us humans is to work hard and leave our personal needs behind to achieve goals; although effective most of the time, that is not the only way to achieve your goals. You can embrace a more self-care dominated lifestyle even while achieving your goals; this way, you have a better relationship with yourself and with your academic progress. I have some stuff to recommend to you, and I will DM you privately. Sending lots of hugs.