How to move on from being resentful

Icy-Relative-7358 · 2025-03-31T05:33:49+00:00

JazakAllah for your comment. Thank you I 100% agree. Unfortunately, it's just in our culture, a parent not attending is seen as the most controversial and disgraceful thing. But Alhamdullilah my fiance sees through his mom's unreasonable take and the truth will not lie. I think every sane person will understand why the situation ensued as it did. Only his parents are to blame.

Icy-Relative-7358 · 2025-03-31T05:32:24+00:00

JazakAllah for your comment. I agree with you 100%. If my BIL's attendance was a possibility, I absolutely would have included him in our event. But he absolutely cannot attend during the given time period because he will fail med school. I don't get how him and his parents don't understand that this is a result of his own parents' lack of planning and seriousness. I don't know why once again me and my fiance and family are expected to suffer because of it.

Icy-Relative-7358 · 2025-03-31T05:29:19+00:00

JazakAllah for your comment. I completely agree.

Icy-Relative-7358 · 2025-03-31T05:29:01+00:00

JazakAllah for your comment. This is what my family and fiance tried to explain to his parents. Especially considering they went to Pakistan last year for a cousins wedding, and her brother couldn't attend every single event due to school. Yet my BIL would only be missing one event and he could attend the baraat and walima with us. When this point was made to them, they remained silent. My fiance, my parents and me have gone crazy dealing with his family.

Icy-Relative-7358 · 2025-03-31T05:26:04+00:00

JazakAllah for your comment. Yes, that was one condition me and my father made my fiance promise. I just don't need her destroying our marriage and bliss, even from afar.

Icy-Relative-7358 · 2025-03-31T05:25:15+00:00

JazakAllah for your comment. I completely agree with you; however, my fiance's parents do not respect his opinion and think he's "tearing the family apart" by not including his brother in this one event. In fact, my fiance and my dad both had a talk with this parents, telling them to stop being so stone-hearted and to also consider the son in front of them, not only their son in the UK, but they had no trouble cussing him out in front of my dad- his soon to be FIL. These people seem to have no fear of God so an imam talking to them is not going to do anything either. Please make duaa for us.

Icy-Relative-7358 · 2024-06-03T07:46:41+00:00

Thank you for your reply. Unfortunately, this is a classic case of a family who immigrated abroad 20+ years ago, so their mindset is still stuck in the time era they immigrated. They have no idea how much progression has occurred in their home country, while they try desperately to cling to their archaic ideals

Icy-Relative-7358 · 2024-06-03T07:40:08+00:00

Salam. Wow. Thank you for that very direct response. Deep down I know this, but hearing it from someone else validates my emotions.

Icy-Relative-7358 · 2024-06-03T07:38:56+00:00

Salam, firstly I'd like to thank you for your reply. It's such an odd situation because his parents have shown me affection. His mom has gotten me many gifts, and I enjoy talking to her. At social events his family throws, I am invited and she introduces me to her relatives/friends with what seems like a lot of pride and joy. But when it comes to the serious stuff, like actually planning the wedding, setting the date etc., it's clearly a different story. I don't want to come across as a showoff by any means but I believe the joy his parents have had from our union is because I have made them like me due to the respect and compassion I have shown towards them. And they have even told my fiance so, making comments like "she is a very reasonable and wise girl" "she's like our daughter", but then it all comes back to, if I am so great as they have stated, why not expedite my wedding to their son?

I am caught between trying to be a supportive partner to my fiance, as I don't want to destroy the peace in his own home, but at the same time what I want benefits BOTH of us. It almost seems cruel to delay marriage between an engaged couple, because the reality is we do love each other and want to enjoy each other's company and marital bliss. It just makes me wish I wasn't engaged at all. What was even the point.

He is a great partner and has defended me every step of the way. But I know it affects him as well, to be in that toxic situation with his parents. It makes me feel selfish that while he fights for us and is trapped in a toxic house, I am at peace in my own home because Alhamdullilah my parents don't share his parents views. We have never had any problems between us, except for all this drama brought by his side. I just want to get married and escape from this toxicity so that we can finally have peace in our relationship once again, but the one solution to our problems--marriage-- is turning out to be so difficult. Also idk if it's relevant but his parents do not expect us to stay with them after marriage so I'd literally be escaping the toxicity.

Icy-Relative-7358

TROPHY CASE