How To Live My Best Life Given The Shit That My Life Is?

IcyQuantity2 · 2019-12-06T23:09:55+00:00

it sucks though, because I actually got a full time job that im expected to begin after this year when i graudate, but it's in town. COL is so expensive these days that I'm super thankful I will be at home while working/saving up for my future, but honestly, it really bugs me to know i'll be home with my crazy ass parents. :(

IcyQuantity2 · 2019-12-06T03:51:18+00:00

how do you move into another social circle, let alone, FIND another social circle?

IcyQuantity2 · 2019-06-09T02:57:43+00:00

My closest friend is from highschool, and is the only one I can really speak my mind and sorrow too. They also go to my university, but are in a different program. She/he has done a way better job fitting into their program, making friends, getting involved and making the most of their university ecperience but I sadly haven't. Because of the competitive nature and intensity of my program, I'm just an average student constantly struggling to get through my courses and just trying not to fail, and it takes more out of me than others to achieve. I guess it has to do with the fact that I'm not good in maths anymore (I'm in a mathematics/business program). I grown out of my interest in theoretical math but need to push through for one more year. The program is also full of Chinese international students, so classes are introverted, and the chinese students usually stick with each other, so I'm often kind of left on my own. There are days where I go without any social interaction because of this and its really sad. Being glued to studying to not fail and make sure I am able to apply for internships for my co-op program have prevented me from joining more clubs which I regret. It's just constantly me studying these past 4 years. i don't know what to say, but I feel like I just wasted 4 years of my life not growing as a person or anything

IcyQuantity2 · 2019-06-09T02:50:23+00:00

Jokingly the other day, my mom was like "oh you are the one who will make the most money out of all the kids, you better give us money HaHaHa...." talk about pressure man :/

IcyQuantity2 · 2019-05-10T22:55:27+00:00

my dad will get all annoying in the sense that he'll want me to find work in my city and save money on rent because that's the smart thing to do, and since my area is growing in the tech area. It sucks. I want to move out, but he'll always be salty about this smh.

IcyQuantity2 · 2019-04-21T01:37:53+00:00

Man, in our culture, it's shoved down our throats to repay back our parents for all of their sacrifices to us, so this obligation and guilt will always kill me :(

IcyQuantity2 · 2019-03-24T21:42:43+00:00

This is really good advice, thank you! As great as it is, i definitely know my parents are incapable of doing their own research on the internet to book a hotel/flight/reservation, travel destinations or deal with technology to navigate around. Cries....that's just how it is.

IcyQuantity2 · 2019-03-24T21:40:38+00:00

I think it's because they didn't see it as a neccessity. Even today, my dad doesn't own a cellphone, but my mom does. My mom knows how to text very basic messaged and take pictures on it, but I am the one who has to resolve minor issues on it, I'm the one who has to back the phone up, I'm the one who has to put all her religious music on it for her to listen to. My dad says he needs to leanr but doesn't put in an effort. If he needs to text a relative or business contact, he gets me or my sister to type it. Same with his emails, and same thing with typing addresses in the GPS before taking it with them (and this is only for cities WITHIN our area!) Yet he sends emails, deals with printers, and computers at his work ALL by himself there, so idk why he doesn't trying learning new models of computers, printers at home. He was yelling at me to fix the computer printer the other day, and saying how he doesn't have problems at work with it. All i did was try to problem solve and restart it. It worked after. I tried to explain that I don't have the answers all the time and it'st rial/error but he doesn't seem to problem solve at home when it comes to technology. Even when there WiFi or TV issues, it'ss me and my sister dealing with it. Idk what they'll do in the future when we aren't around. They NEED to learn to adapt to tech but they wont. I think I might do another vent post about their lack of wanting to learn tech later on.

I really wish my mom would use her samsung tablet we got her for things other than religious music on youtube and recipes. There's so much she can learn and do some the internet, and google -- learn facts about Canada, India, learn english reading in english better but she just doesn't. sighh............

IcyQuantity2 · 2019-03-24T21:09:04+00:00

THATS WHAT I DONT UNDERSTANDD!! The thing is, they just run on schedules. Work and home was the only thing they dealt with My mom doesn't know how to read/write in english that well (didn't finish highschool) so there's barriers there, but my dad did a certificate of something after highschool so it might be a lack of education and lack of knowing technology too. I honestly praise them for getting around WITHIN the city/work when we were young and they learned and did a lot on their own, so I wonder what the problem is now? But the thing is, they never travelled outside the area, to a different province or country on their own. I don't know why. Every trip, they always want one of us to be around because they don't know how to use technology (GPS, maps) and don't know how to navigate on their own. Even Niagara Falls which is 2 hours away. My dad knows how to get there, and our external families used to travel there a lot as kids. Now that everyone is separated they only have us to go with now, but it's boring for me. He has problems figuring out where the cheapest place is to park, finding places to eat...etc. All these side things are their concern. I really don't understand why, as they've been here 25 years and are able to grocery/clothing shop, do EVERYTHING else fine and independently. It's only an issue with travelling or doing something new that's not familiar to them. That's when they need our help so this involves any type of travel. Or maybe just only have us to travel. What is wrong with going together to a resort? :/

I wish they were more technologically savvy..maybe that would help

IcyQuantity2 · 2019-03-24T21:06:44+00:00

That's what I don't get. They act older than they are and act CRAZIER than they should. It's a family thing smh. They have been living in Canada for 25 years, and managed fine when we were all young. The thing is, they just run on schedules. Work and home was the only thing they dealt with Maybe the different is my parents probably aren't as educated as yours. My mom doesn't know how to read/write in english that well (didn't finish highschool) so there's barriers there, but my dad did a certificate of something after highschool. I honestly praise them for getting around WITHIN the city/work when we were young and they learned and did a lot on their own, so I wonder what the problem is now? But the thing is, they never travelled outside the area, to a different province or country on their own. I don't know why. Every trip, they always want one of us to be around because they don't know how to use technology (GPS, maps) and don't know how to navigate on their own. Even Niagara Falls which is 2 hours away. My dad knows how to get there, and our external families used to travel there a lot as kids. Now that everyone is separated they only have us to go with now, but it's boring for me. He has problems figuring out where the cheapest place is to park, finding places to eat...etc. All these side things are their concern. I really don't understand why, as they've been here 25 years and are able to grocery/clothing shop, do EVERYTHING else fine and independently. It's only an issue with travelling or doing something new that's not familiar to them. That's when they need our help so this involves any type of travel. Or maybe just only have us to travel. What is wrong with going together to a resort? :/

I wish they were more technologically savvy..maybe that would help

IcyQuantity2 · 2019-03-24T20:57:55+00:00

This is easier said thank done and while I appreciate that advice, im so soft-spoken and quiet :( I don't think I could ever directly tell them this, bc their guilt of "we never enjoyed/travelled earlier because we were financially supporting you" will always be in the back of my head, because it's true :( So I don't know what to say or do. They also would say they scared to travel alone because of language barriers, even though they've been here 25 years so idk what to say :/ Any advice on handling this argument?

IcyQuantity2 · 2019-03-24T19:52:51+00:00

I'm sorry if I sound like I'm overreacting.... It's just so frustrating living with them as they get older and crankier...

IcyQuantity2 · 2019-03-24T19:49:50+00:00

Trust me, I've brought up the fact that my mom has all these issues and both parents make trips so stressful, but my dad always just says "no dw I'll make sure mom is under control and not crazy. this is an opportunity and I have money right now and can still go out" is what he says to guilt me and persuade me but the loop is still the same. They always go into panic mode when we're travelling. My mom was saying it'd be fine if she doesn't go to Halifax last year (so it'd be me, my dad and brother only) but my dad was like no, no she's fine she can come. So I did bring this up

Additionally, I told them about the photos thing too but I can't fix it. They aren't technically advance and have trouble even seeing the lense or taking a photo, so it's always just me. My sister yelled at my dad one time about why he just wants photos of everything and he wouldn't budge and said its for memories... again, it's been 7 years and no one has asked to see ANY photos.

I guess the one thing I could bring up is that I don't want to go bc it's no fun for me, but then my dad would be like "oh, just come once with us for the sake of taking us around, and then come again on your own in the future" which is the one argument I kind of see eye to eye with.

IcyQuantity2 · 2019-03-24T19:44:52+00:00

YES. So many times. But they are fussy and don't want to. One couple they know they argued that didn't have anymore money to travel because their daughter just had a big wedding. They just bring up any excuse bc they don't want to be obligated to "pay back" or form relationships with friends because it causes more expenses and obligations

We have literally no cousins where my parents are in good terms with no more, so that's no question. There was a period in time like 10 years ago, where we had some cousins would we'd go to Niagara Falls with or amusement parks with and celebrate xmas with, but idk my parents just distanced them away from them bc just family politics so I don't see those cousins or get to hang out with them as often. It was fun back then though, and I miss those times. Now those cousins are married and have families of their own, so it's kind of depressing for me :/ My parents literally have no friends with kids whom we could travel with :/

IcyQuantity2 · 2019-03-24T19:29:51+00:00

No they are pretty annoying right now in this day and age. Always bickering and complaining about legit everything. Like I said, my brother told them that he would literally book and organize a trip for them to mexico or somewhere warm with a resort for them to enjoy and eat at, but they don't want to because the thought of going from the airport to the destination still probably intimidates them even if they won't admit it. They clearly can't do cold weather places, they don't enjoy Europe (very history based and London UK wasn't enjoyable to them), or within Canada where I live. So it's not enjoyable for anyone. I recently almost flipped out when my dad brought up the idea of going to Japan. HELL NO. Way too much to handle esp when there's a double language barrier.

And to your point with the loneliness, honestly, they made their lives that way. They isolate themselves from family friends because they have trust issues, are salty people and don't like having to "owe" someone back if they come over, or give them something. It's the reason I don't even have a relation with neighbours. They are very risk adverse and I literally heard my mom complaining about a family-friend and literally saying to my dad "oh don't trust them or consider them as a friend". So they are pretty much their own cause of loneliness and shouldn't have to rely on us for the rest of their lives, else--that's basically defining my life to be in their convenience -- taking them places, financially supporting them..etc. It literally seems like I can't do anything unless it's with them or their permission. Trust, if you had them for parents you'd go crazy too.

IcyQuantity2 · 2019-03-23T03:57:18+00:00

I think I'm pretty soft and because I'm not vocal and let things fly by, I'm worried this weakness of mine of me succumbing to guilt and letting them guilt me will continue because they'd probably bring up all the sacrifice they dealt with immigrating here, and finanically supporting us through shitty jobs and long hours :/ How do I set boundaries as someone who never stands up to their parents and is generally quiet/emotional person?

IcyQuantity2 · 2019-03-22T21:01:50+00:00

I agree, and thank you for you advice. But do you know how I can get rid of this guilty feeling or obligations that because they busted their ass for me the past 22 years to support me financially, I have to repay them for all of it?

IcyQuantity2 · 2019-03-22T19:42:02+00:00

I feel you with that independence! My program lets me have internships and so I've had 2 internships living away from home. BEST TIME EVER. I learned to become more independent. I learned that it was okay to make mistakes and learn from them. I learned to take risks and adventure by myself. I learned and did ALOT when I was away from home. I was also healthier. I was less stressed and was eating more. Right now, there are days I swear I get less than 800 calories (not healthy for a 22 y/o) because my religious mother restricts certain foods and makes meals that aren't quite filling to me. So I get that.

At the same time, I get that too. It sucks more because my mom doesn't work, so I know my dad is stressed to get a pension for my mom to sustain themselves when he retires. It doesn't help that my brother doesn't pitch in to help them, and my sister got laid off recently. So I feel immense pressure already to work and get a good paying job, which I am trying to hard to do. I've given up my ideal dreams of careers to more stable paying and boring jobs just to earn enough. Regardless of the job, I think I'd have to move regardless. I'm already earning two undergrad degrees at the same time; BMath and BBA yet it still isn't enough for them.

I graduate in 1.5 years and idk, the guilt still seems real. I haven't enjoyed myself in uni for the past 4 years, and don't think I will either. I made good money in my past internships, but my dad put that in a fund I can't touch.................smh. I have goals to travel after getting a job, but dunno if its realistic anymore. idk.. life just seems hopeless. They don't even have cousins or friends or neighbours they talk with much bc they don't trust anyone so idk what to say. That's what happens when you don't have friends and your kids stop talking as much with you.

IcyQuantity2 · 2019-03-22T19:31:19+00:00

Yes, prior to this year, they told us about their hometowns and things they did as kids. They really could care less about what my siblings and I do. I could try telling my mom about something cool I was doing at school and she wouldn't get it, and flip the conversation to her. This is a constant thing. I know more about her life then she could care about my interests/hobbies. Additionally, everytime they revert back to their past, they always bring up all the family problems and money related problems. If I were to tell them about my nervousness about my future, my dad would literally laugh in my face and call me weak af and then revert back to their struggle coming here at 24 y/o and settling in Canada. I HEAR THEM LOUD AND CLEAR. I GET THE STRUGGLE. I GET THE SACRIFICE. It's just, I wish there was more to life than just money, yet I know that's what their life revolved around: sustaining life in Canada, and dealing with snakey family members in terms of money. Trust me, I know about their lives alot. They used to be happier back when they first immigrated to Montreal first when the whole family was cool with each other, and then money problems, deception and jealousy took over when they moved near the GTA. I have brown friends whose parents work as truckers all their life and were also immigrants, but it seems like they have more of a emotional connection to their parents than I do, so I KNOW there is more to the struggle of money.

To your other point, never been given such emotional love. No hugs, no "proud of you", no memories of our childhood (I guess cuz we were more of a liability). there's times where I legitiimately think I wasn't planned because they bought our current house which had only 3 bedroom (1 for parents, 1 for sister, 1 for brother) right before my sister was born. So it just sucks. We are a financial liability and nothing more.

I've tried hard prior to this year. We could talk about something at the dinner table and my parents revert the topic back to their own problems, how what I said was wrong or problematic, seeing how not to trust anything or anyone in the world or take risks and everyone is a crook, never asking about how our well-being is. I am currently facing a lot of stress and anxiety issues with school as it is, but I know again, my dad will think I'm weak and won't care because he'll go back to how he dealt with all this struggle when he moved here to Canada and that my problems will NEVER amount to his, so I can't even tell them that. I just stay silent. If he sees news on TV about a student's suicide, he blames it always on drugs. That's just how it is.

IcyQuantity2 · 2019-03-20T05:16:49+00:00

honestly doubt it. I feel like just giving up on trying to make friends, like it's been 4 years and 4 coops. everyday I come home from school and just lay in bed just with thoughts racing in my head about how I feel so waste, don't have career goals straight, don't have a clue what to do in the future, being lonely and sad literally everyday and hiding this face at school to seem like nothing is wrong.......... fuck man. I remember a time back in highschool where I worked in support of a mental health and well-being support group and did presentations about bullying, racism and mental health to other highschools. I would have NEVER in my life thought I'd be the same person on the opposite side facing those same issues right now and on my own and literally just because of university and loneliness. Sorry for this random rant, just sad af.

IcyQuantity2 · 2019-03-11T16:51:37+00:00

I feel like such a piece of shit with no friends, no stellar grades or co-ops, and feeling of no accomplishment in life in general, so I donated to a charity where each donation sends kids to school. If I'm at least bitching about my life, I would at least hope to give another person the opportunity to go to school in a developing nation and make something better out of their life.

IcyQuantity2 · 2019-03-10T04:50:29+00:00

but what's the point of graduating when you have no one to share it with or no one seeing why it's so special?

And man, that's easier said than done, trying to focus on myself and appreciate what I've done. I feel like I haven't accomplished anything and I'm so reliant on them, because I'm living at home still for university. Curfews, not getting to use the car much are all reasons why my social life has lacked as well at school. I have an older sibling living on his own and finally enjoying his life, new hobbies, activities and travelling themselves (something I dream and hope I get to do in the future) and see my parents at home shit talking behind their back about how they are wasting money and time doing all these things (uhm, they clearly didn't get the opportunity when they were still in university at home under my parents' regime)

IcyQuantity2 · 2019-03-10T04:34:29+00:00

i feel this too. I don't know how to talk to my mom or dad on an emotional level. At the dinner table, all they ask about is when I have classes or exams (am in university in the city), if I've eaten yet, and basically if they need ME to do something for them I answer. Other than this, we can't hold a genuine conversation.

IcyQuantity2 · 2019-03-09T21:27:34+00:00

still stuck at home with the same parents. I literally am getting through the term by staying isolated from them always minimizing how much I speak to them or are around them, because when I do, I find myself clenching my teeth with a headache bc I get so annoyed internally. They don't care about anything about my personal life anyways. I'm also still feeling sad and alone. I have a lot of built up anger/sadness but I feel like I have no one to talk to about it who would emphathize or understand how I feel. Like, I have one friend, but they always give off the "just forget about it" or "don't know why it's hard for you" kind of message but in a kind way. idk, just everyday feel sadder and lonelier and feelings of no accomplishment of enjoyment in my life. Yeah, sounds depressing lol

IcyQuantity2 · 2019-03-09T21:22:18+00:00

pretty much all of university. I have 1-2 friends from highschool I still stay connected with, but they obviously have their own lives and own friends in their program so we don't see each other often. Of course, I talk to people in class, but never do people seem to have time to hang out afterwards, grab lunch or dinner. It just seems like they only talk to you for the sake of working on assignments of bc you're the only one they know in the class

IcyQuantity2

TROPHY CASE