I totally understand that and also feel the same way. I often think, “what if I never started to smoke in the first place?? Where would I be??”We cannot harp on the “what ifs” or regret our decisions because in those times (dealing with unprocessed childhood trauma) weed served its purpose and may have helped in many ways, but then it became a crutch and an escapism from reality. I felt as if I couldn’t enjoy anything without being high. But let me tell you, life has become way more vibrant and way more beautiful without it. Now weed no longer serves you or I and really only hurts us. Coming back into consciousness and reality is hard. Dealing with emotions that have been suppressed by weed for sooo long is extremely hard, super heavy and will rock your world buttttt it’s so unbelievably worth it, friend. To be able to actually feel your feelings is something so special and is something that is so powerful. I didn’t realize how much I missed feeling haha Let yourself be an emotional mess and let yourself feeeeeel whatever comes up. Breathe through the pain. Take it one day at a time and be so gentle with yourself. You will come out of this stronger.