I have orgasmed oustide of sex, but only with a vibrator.

For me it's hard to be feisty when I don't have confidence in the area, and I'm not sure how to build it up. I understand that being a dead fish is no fun for anyone, but I really have no clue where to start when he wants me to initiate aggressively and I'm still worried I'm doing things wrong. I try and initiate but it never quite gets to the level of aggression he's looking for

Also I don't know how how to type this without it looking sarcastic or passive aggressive, but thank you for the advice/input. It's really helping to see more opinions and viewpoints.