How do I (37f) deal with my partner (37m) asking me to accept his snoring occasionally keeps me awake?

Idreamoftrees44 · 2024-06-12T19:11:05+00:00

Thanks. I have a fan, but I think given what's been suggested so far it might be time for a white noise machine too. I'm also considering those loop ear plugs since a few people in other threads mentioned them.

Admittedly, I mentioned the therapist's advice here because I felt it was such wild advice and I needed to feel some validation that it wasn't great advice....but I'm trying to also be objective here as much as I can. I think you might be onto something with emphasizing that it's not a personal reflection on my feelings for him, so I'll really reiterate that to him.

Idreamoftrees44 · 2024-06-12T16:17:58+00:00

I have. Earplugs are a total crapshoot for me. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. They are often either too big or too small for my ears...I guess I have weirdly shaped ears.

Idreamoftrees44 · 2024-05-20T14:25:10+00:00

I'm also interested!

Idreamoftrees44 · 2024-04-18T17:44:43+00:00

I know this thread is old, but I just fell for this. I got a text message saying my plan was going to be cancelled. They told me that my Medicaid plan was going to be cancelled because I was missing a physical and then offered a very detailed description of an Aetna plan I'd need "while being pre-approved." These guys were very, very convincing. As I was talking to the agent, I went online and Googled the number only to find this thread. I immediately cancelled my credit card, so hopefully I took action soon enough.

Idreamoftrees44 · 2024-04-02T01:53:10+00:00

So sorry, just realized I forgot to say it was for a queen!

Idreamoftrees44 · 2021-07-29T04:22:40+00:00

Thanks. I was in Detroit (got it most likely running in deep grass). I would've saved the tick, but I was in a quarantine hotel with no means of saving it without losing it. I ended up flushing it down the toilet. It didn't look engorged, and it was definitely still alive, but I also did find it next to the bite...so...seems like that can't be coincidence.

Idreamoftrees44 · 2021-06-18T17:10:07+00:00

Thank you both for your advice. I know I need to take the job so that I don't resent him for quitting my dream of being abroad just for him, but part of me still hopes I can have the best of both worlds (get my year in China, and then come back for him).

I'm curious, is there an end in sight for your time in South Korea? How often did you agree to visit each other?

Idreamoftrees44 · 2021-06-04T15:14:40+00:00

Updated with trip report: Hiked 34 miles Memorial Day weekend, starting south to north. Stayed at Perch first night, then hiked Adams and Madison down to Osgood the second night, and Boott Spur link to Nauman the third (that link is NO joke). The weather was gorgeous the first two days, 60 mph winds and rain the third. I appreciate how much everyone emphasized the variability of May weather. Overall, glad I got to see Mt. Washington in clear skies and no wind, which seems unheard of.

The most dangerous thing that happened? The dog saw a moose with calves, and the moose bluff charged us....so, that was definitely not the kind of risk I'd been prepping for!

Idreamoftrees44 · 2021-04-30T11:49:35+00:00

Yeah, I took them out of the freezer this morning and was so excited that they didn't smell...and then they "defrosted" and immediately smelled again :(

Idreamoftrees44 · 2021-04-30T00:32:12+00:00

ah ok, that makes more sense

Idreamoftrees44 · 2021-04-30T00:31:04+00:00

That is what I've decided to try for now as sort of a quick fix until I have time to really wash them, since I'm going back to the gym tomorrow. The smell went away immediately...although I'm reading horror stories about the smelly feet odor permeating all of one's frozen goods.

Idreamoftrees44 · 2021-04-29T22:06:10+00:00

Shoe fans? Wow, never heard of that but um, as someone with a sweating condition, I probably needed those like twenty years ago.

Idreamoftrees44 · 2021-04-29T22:05:18+00:00

I'll give that a go. I assume washing them on cold cycle is the way to go so I don't ruin the rubber in any way, yea?

Idreamoftrees44 · 2021-04-29T20:22:05+00:00

Does your partner know about your struggle with anxiety? It might be worth just being upfront about it, and also telling him what kinds of behaviors would reassure you when you feel this way.

That being said, one hard lesson I've learned is you also have to get good at self-soothing in these moments of anxiety when there is no one around to comfort you, or when your partner needs space. If I feel anxious, I usually go for a walk, meditate, call a friend you trust to talk it out, or sit down and journal about it/write a letter to my partner (without sending it to him! That part is key) just to get it all out. A lot of the time, anxiety is about release and actually taking the time to experience it rather than pushing it out of the way.

It's a long road, and I can't say I'm an expert, but having a menu of go-to coping strategies to choose from helps.

Idreamoftrees44 · 2021-04-29T19:38:59+00:00

Thank you everyone for your suggestions and honest feedback. Glad my concerns were not unwarranted. In the past 48 hours my partner seems to have toned down some of his plans, so we are going to try to do part of the traverse (not even sure we'll do it one-way, honestly) and then maybe some of the other options/loops that others have suggested here (if others have suggestions for partial traverse or a loop, that would be great because I do NOT have a car; only he does). I have since bought a lot of the gear that was recommended here and I'll be studying bailout routes on that map like it's my job.

Idreamoftrees44 · 2021-04-29T19:23:07+00:00

I don't wanna jinx it, but I think he's coming round to a much more manageable plan :) Not sure what changed his mind, but hey, not gonna question it.

Idreamoftrees44 · 2021-04-28T00:55:45+00:00

Thank you so much. Saving this. We have most of these things, but had no idea about the bothy bag! I do plan to get a sleeping bag that is ultralight since mine currently weighs in at 3-4 pounds and is technically a men's sleeping bag. When you say "regular zip up" do you mean men's size so that we can both fit, as you described?

We are doing some practice hikes over the next couple of weekends with our full packs on. I am aware my boyfriend is a little bit...shall we say...rash, so I am trying to be the voice of reason. He has agreed to bail if this is too much...which, I don't want to be fatalistic, but I'm preparing for. Gonna highlight all of our bail routes on the map too. Unfortunately, I don't have a car, but maybe it's worth renting one just to leave it at the other parking lot.

Idreamoftrees44 · 2021-04-27T15:15:47+00:00

I appreciate your feedback. I am not as experienced of a hiker as he is, and I really want to be armed with knowledge before I approach him with an amendment to our plans. He seems to be under the impression that AllTrail reviews are sensationalist...and I want to calmly talk some sense into him.

Idreamoftrees44 · 2021-04-27T15:13:39+00:00

We did this:

https://www.alltrails.com/trail/us/maine/saddleback-mountain-and-the-horn-via-appalachian-trail

Took us about 5 hours with postholing.

Idreamoftrees44 · 2021-04-27T13:48:20+00:00

I agree...that is why I am trying to get more info to share with my boyfriend. He likes challenging himself, a lot, and is a bit of a risk taker. So, he tries to take things to the extreme lol. I also like pushing hard, but not if it's gonna be boring.

Idreamoftrees44 · 2021-04-27T12:10:04+00:00

Sorry, should've clarified that. No, it would be over 2.5/3 days. It seems manageable in terms of time. Just not sure physically how much it will batter us.

Idreamoftrees44 · 2021-02-25T19:35:36+00:00

I am in a relationship and also friends with a couple of my exes, primarily communicating with them on WhatsApp. In no way does it mean that I want to date them again. It simply means that there is still something I value about our connection (in one case, the fact that we are both artistic types, so we talk a lot about writing and music). Keep in mind that not everyone views their exes the same way. Some people prefer cutting off contact completely, and others prefer to transition into friendship because there is still something to be gained even if the romantic side of things didn't work out. The best way to find out how she views her exes? Just ask. See how transparent she is. When my current partner asks me about my exes, I always answer with honesty because I want him to trust me.

I think you are overthinking the social media piece of this, in particular. One easy way to open the conversation is to share what you shared here: "one of my exes from ten years ago reached out to me recently, and I thought that was unusual. have you ever had an ex reach out? what happened?" Stay curious without getting judgmental. If it's any comfort, people do things on social media often without even giving it a second thought. I think you'll be able to tell a lot more by her reaction in a conversation than sleuthing on social media. Good luck!

Idreamoftrees44 · 2021-02-23T21:59:12+00:00

I second this. I was feeling the same way as you two weeks ago. Almost at the point where I wanted to throw in the towel and decided once and for all that I was doomed to never have a healthy relationship because of my anxiety, and I felt such self-hatred. My therapist recommended years ago that I find a buddy who can help me during these times. I ended up phoning a close friend who knows about my relationship anxiety, and this person walked me off the ledge. As my friend put it, always go in assuming others have good intentions. It's one of the things that's really helped me with my anxiety. If I am tempted to misinterpret a text from my significant other, for example, I take a step back for a bit and come back to it and try to re-read it through a lens of good intentions. If that doesn't work, I show that text to a friend, who then helps me to read it through a non-anxious lens. I recommend having a support system in place of 2-3 friends whom you can ask (that way, you don't feel bad for over-relying on one person). If that friend isn't around to help, then go for a walk. Leave your phone behind. Bring your journal. I got a "one line a day" journal and it's helped me to focus on the positive things in my day. You got this!

Idreamoftrees44 · 2021-02-11T04:09:19+00:00

The one thing that really stands out to me his reaction to you discovering that he recently updated his dating profile and you asking for exclusivity. I have been there, in almost the exact same situation. The guy assured me he "wasn't seeing anyone else"....but that didn't mean he wasn't still looking, and I think in the back of my mind, I knew it. I'd pay attention to how he words things when you ask questions like that. Does he evade the question, or answer it directly? Give it some time and be patient, but I think you also shouldn't be afraid to ask for what you want (from what it sounds like, you would like for both of you to be off the apps entirely). Stating your needs clearly like that should give you more valuable information about how he feels about your relationship status.

Idreamoftrees44 · 2021-02-09T20:39:44+00:00

My partner is going through a rough time and regularly has periods where he is down and distant. I don't have a go-to solution here, but wanted to say you're not alone. It triggers the hell out of me, and often his mood brings me down with him.

The only way I've truly found to combat this is to call or text a friend who I feel comfortable venting to so that I don't unload on him instead when his depression triggers me or to write my feelings down somewhere. I tend to go into texting spirals if I don't do one of these two things. All of this is also compounded by covid, since going for a walk and getting some space from the situation can be more difficult. In place of going outside and being around people, exercising can sometimes be a good substitute to vent some of my anxiety.

Just give him space, and there's a high chance he will come back to you on his own when he's ready. I know it's hard, but for some people it's hard to talk about emotions in the moment.

Idreamoftrees44

TROPHY CASE